


You cannot take it back, make it undone

by Dark_Falcon



Series: You cannot take it back, make it undone [1]
Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Child Abuse, Gen, Saiyans, Slice of Life, Unhealthy Relationships, Unreliable Narration, abusive non-romantic relatioships, alternative headcanons, alternative universe, consumption of sapient life forms, soft science fiction, space fantasy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-01-22 08:49:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 43,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12477828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dark_Falcon/pseuds/Dark_Falcon
Summary: In an unforeseen turns of events a small child ends up being raised by essentially a space orc, who doesn't even know what a toothbrush or a shampoo are, let alone how to properly care for a human child. It's probably less light-hearted that I made it sound.Two main characters of this story are a small child and an alien. Don't expect either of them to share your brand of common sense.





	1. Lost somewhere between the stars

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to [Over8000](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Over8000/pseuds/Over8000) for beta reading this chapter.
> 
> Hi! I'm Dark Falcon (also known as DarkFalcon-z, mxfalconita and perhaps The Antagonist). I'm happy to present you my first Dragon Ball story.
> 
> Before you start reading - I try not to pass moral judgement on the characters in the story, but it is sometimes hard to avoid when narration follows the perspective of the characters and they have some strong opinion on something so in certain points I fail at that (I hope to do better in the future). But be sure, if you see a moral judgement expressed in the story it's how the characters are supposed to feel and it may or may not reflect my personal views.
> 
> As an author I try not to pass the judgement on characters and happening, so that the readers have more room to do it.

Gohan had changed greatly in past months. Since he had been taken from Earth, he had spent time on two different planets and traveling through space. He was not sure how much time had actually passed. Three months? Four months? He did not even kept track of passing days any more; not to mention that ‘days’ lasted for different amounts of time on foreign worlds.

His limbs became thinner, lean muscles clearly visible now. His skin became darker, tanned by the alien suns, and rougher from staying outdoors all of the time, covered with many scratches and bruises. His eyes looked wild, his expression cautious and guarded. His hair became longer and messier, and now flea-like insects made their home in it. All he wore were tattered rags. You couldn't say he was too clean, either. Illuminated by dim light inside of the space pod, he appeared half feral.

At the moment, Gohan was calm and unalarmed. His breath was steady and he made himself comfortable on his uncle’s lap. He leaned against Raditz's chest and watched as the other made adjustments to the flight path of the spacecraft, or at least that’s what Gohan assumed he was doing. Their journey was nearing its destination.

An outline of irregular massive rock emerged from surrounding blackness, illuminated by the light of nearby stars. Gohan recalled reading a book back on Earth, where such rocks were dubbed as asteroids. A glimmer of reflected light caught his eye and brought his attention to metallic-clear cut surfaces that contrasted with uneven face of the asteroid.

The pod dropped onto the landing pad of a space station. 'Station Theta', as Raditz informed him.

Once he exited the craft, Gohan glanced in every direction and sniffed the air in hopes of absorbing as much information as possible about this new place. The premises seemed positively deserted. It was very cold.

"Come," Raditz urged Gohan, who trotted after him without objections. Raditz wasn't in any hurry. It was just that the small child needed to move his legs much faster than very tall Saiyan to keep up.

They passed through a heavy door and entered one of the rooms along the corridor. Inside stood several pieces of equipment, which looked vaguely like what Gohan expected cupboards in an alien space station to look like. The design was reminiscent of the space pod, albeit the pieces of equipment were not entirely spherical in shape, just somewhat curvy. On the opposite wall stood a transparent door that lead to another empty room.

"Disinfection Chamber," informed Raditz. "Strip!" He ordered, without further explanation.

Gohan did as he was told. He didn't want to, it was already too cold for his liking. Raditz also stripped bare and crammed his things into one of the cabinets.

Gohan stood naked and barefooted, awkwardly clutching the remains of his once fine and vibrantly colorful clothes to his chest. Goosebumps covered his tanned skin.

"Just drop them. Those are hardly good for anything anymore. We'll find you some new ones," Raditz offered. Once the rags laid on the floor, he incinerated them with precision and left just a small pile of soot.

Next, Raditz opened another cupboard and gestured to Gohan to come closer.

"Swallow this and drink up," Raditz ordered. He placed a small reddish pill in Gohan's palm and gave him a cup of water. Gohan observed he was not the only one undergoing this treatment, as Raditz put a similar pill in his mouth and chugged a healthy dose of water.

A moment later, he gave Gohan another cup along with a new set of instructions: "Just rinse your mouth. Don't swallow. Spit it out when it starts to feel hot."

Gohan obeyed diligently. He did not want to spit on the floor, so he settled for spitting the disgusting substance back into the cup he had received it in.

Next Raditz knelt before Gohan and gently lifted his face up with one hand. "Close your eyes." He wiped Gohan’s eyes with a wet pad. Then he bent over the small boy once again, a small dial in one hand. He steadied the boy's face once again. "Keep your eyes open, ‘till I'm done," he ordered. Cautiously, he administered an unknown concoction.

For a moment, Gohan lost his sight and the discomfort forced him to close his eyes. Quietly uttered curses informed him that Raditz had most likely subjected himself to the same treatment. When he opened his eyes again, the world was still swimming.

Raditz continued the procedures that Gohan learned later were a preliminary part of the standard disinfection process. He put transparent clamps around Gohan’s eyes that stuck to the boy’s sockets with what felt like suction. Lastly, he placed a breathing device over Gohan's nose.

"Inhale. You better keep your eyes shut once the process starts and don't open your mouth," Raditz advised and placed a breathing device over his own nose.

Raditz opened the transparent door, and together they entered the disinfection chamber. Next, he pressed some buttons on the command panel near the door. The last thing Gohan saw before he shut his eyes tightly was some sort of gas or steam filling the chamber.

Bright light temporarily blinded him even through closed eyelids. Then came a blast of almost unbearable heat, followed by freezing chill. Gohan could feel the sound waves pass through his body, although he couldn't actually hear them. He was sure they changed frequency over time. At one point, Gohan felt powerful gusts of air, almost strong enough to carry him away, and he wondered if they were being sucked out into vacuum of the space.

He did not know how much time had passed before Raditz finally told him to open his eyes. Gohan felt nauseous. His limbs could barely support him and his skin crawled unpleasantly. Weakly, he followed his uncle out of the disinfection chamber. His hair, like Raditz's, was ruffled and tangled and stood up in every direction, more so than usual.

"I hate the procedure," Raditz complained. "But you get used to it after few times." He removed his items from the cupboard; Gohan assumed it was a 'disinfection chamber' for clothes and equipment.

"Now to get you some clothes," Raditz proclaimed. He looked down at Gohan who, after exiting the disinfection chamber, shook like a leaf from the cold.

Raditz put his shorts back on and readjusted the garters around his thigh and bicep. He pulled on his boots but didn't bother with the rest of his gear. He grumbled that his armor was useless, so he stuck it under one arm and left the room.

Gohan hurried after him.

On the way, Raditz made various stops to press buttons and push some levers.

"There is no one here besides us, is there?" Gohan risked a question. After the time the two had spent together, he was no longer scared of Raditz per se. That did not mean he wasn't wary of him, or that he trusted him. In Gohan's experience, Raditz proved to have a bad temper and erratic mood. So far, he had not done anything worse to Gohan than slapping him, but each of his strikes easily sent the little boy to the ground.

"'S right. The station was abandoned long time ago, before we made it our base," Raditz explained. "It comes with its own set of problems, but beats staying in Frieza's barracks. We've been using here since... a few years ago in your terms now." The 'we' in Raditz’ explanation meant - of course - him and the two other Saiyans.

They arrived at a room of substantial size. It was not entirely dark, as in one corner lamps, which presumably simulated solar light, shone over crates filled with soil and some forlorn-looking plants.

On the shorter wall was a large window that showed the stars outside. As far as Gohan could tell, the room was mostly empty. Near the centre was a circle of what looked like stones surrounded by all manners of blankets or covers and big, stuffed sacks. On the one side of the circle stood the only bigger piece of furniture in the room, if you could call it that. It was a structure Gohan immediately identified as the 'nest' and was easily big enough to fit five or six adult Saiyans. Later, he learned it had been constructed from several 'standard' sleeping platforms that had belonged to the original equipment of the space station. To suit more Saiyan sensibilities regarding sleeping spots, it was padded with all sort of soft items: pelts, blankets, pillows, delicate shawls to feathery boas and even, surprisingly enough, one or two plush toys.

Raditz casually dropped his burden and strolled to the center of the room.

"That's our main living area," he explained, "We sleep here. That is, us and Nappa. Vegeta sleeps elsewhere." He knelt by the 'stone' circle and suddenly a fire blazed up. Only, Gohan observed, it wasn't real fire. There was nothing burning, although he could feel the warmth radiating from the direction of the stones from his place slightly behind Raditz. It did not keep him from shivering.

Raditz grabbed one of the blankets from the floor and then stood up. He promptly dropped it on Gohan's head before the boy made any move to get closer to the "fire".

"Standard electric light on this station is pretty unpleasant. You'll see. So we got this thing instead. Pretty neat, huh?" Raditz stated.

Gohan nodded and wrapped himself in the piece of fabric. At least that gave him some protection from the cold.

"Come. We are going to find you something to wear in the armory." Raditz walked to one of the doors in the room, but not the same they first had come through.

Gohan obediently trotted after him.

The armory turned out to be a complex of several rooms, all filled with different kinds of equipment. Gohan noted that there was much more stuff than the Saiyans could possibly need and a lot of it seemed to be of little use to them in the first place.

Raditz found Gohan a short sleeved shirt that hung loosely on his frame and a pair of shorts, which tended to slide down unless he held them up by wrapping his tail around his waist. To Gohan’s relief, they were almost knee length (and not the ‘only-cover-your-ass’ variety Raditz wore). Unfortunately, there were no boots in Gohan's size, the smallest set of armor was too big for him and there were no decent forearm guards or gloves. Frustrated, Raditz tossed Gohan pairs of leg warmers for both his legs and forearms, and explained they were essentially made from the same substance as standard armor. That should give him at least some protection.

Thus Gohan remained barefooted for the time being, save for the too large leg warmers, which slid down past his ankles and covered some of his feet around the heels.

 

Gohan wondered briefly why military equipment came in child sizes, then concluded it either had to do with Saiyan lifestyle, or that some alien species only grew as big as human children.

Once he dressed, Raditz suggested they grab something to eat and then take a tour around the station.

The kitchen and food storage rooms were located on the opposite side of the living area that used to be a canteen before the station had been abandoned.

When they arrived in the kitchen Raditz put a huge pot on the stove, big enough to hold enough food to satisfy both of them and then some, but by far not the largest available. He filled it with some water, threw in a considerable amount of freeze-dried meat, and said that it needed some time to cook. Absentmindedly, he hurled a small piece of cold, dry meat to Gohan as well.

Gohan sniffed at the scrap in his hands. It smelled different from anything he had eaten before, was - quite frankly- hard and cold, and did not look appetizing at all. He nibbled at it and tried not to think about the even less appetizing things he had eaten not so long ago.

Meanwhile, Raditz brought some dry rations from the storage. He gave Gohan a bar that could easily feed a grown man for two days. That is, a grown human man. For a Saiyan child, it was just a snack.

They returned to the main living area.

"That's Nappa's little project." Raditz pointed towards the crates with plants. "I don't know why he's taken to gardening, but there it is. Though I'm pretty sure none of the things growing here are the ones Nappa actually planted. I have no idea where these weeds came from," he went on. "He got real soil and all. Even got worms. To scarify the soil, so he says, like that is any help. Anyway-" he turned his gaze from plants to Gohan - "don't eat worms. If Nappa finds out, there'll be hell to pay. Trust me, it's not worth it."

Raditz shook his head. “Any reasonable space horticulture enthusiast would invest in hydroponic gel, hopefully to cultivate something edible, instead of playing in the mud,” he mumbled. They left the room to explore further.

Raditz wore a tank top now. Gohan had not seen where he produced the article of clothing from, or when he put it on. In his mind, he pictured Raditz pulling it out of his thick hair like some cartoon character. The thought made Gohan smile.

Raditz noticed the smile, and not knowing what caused it, sent Gohan a self assured smirk.

They walked down the corridor while Raditz explained what laid behind each door as they passed. Sometimes, they stopped to look.

"That's Vegeta's place. Used to be captain's quarters. Don't even think about going in there, unless you're ordered to clean it up," Raditz warned. Gohan could not imagine willingly going near Vegeta or into any space he considered his.

"Here's the tactical room. You can go in here, except when there's a tactical meeting. You're probably going to be invited when you're older, and then you'll have to attend, but that'll be a while yet." Raditz leaned over the table in the center of the room and took something out from a box resting on the top of it. "You can take white, fluorescent markers and scribble on the corridor walls or whatever. There's a plenty of them to spare. We don't even need them. But, don't touch the colorful ones. We sometimes use those for planning." With that, he handed Gohan the felt pen he just fished out of the box. "Here. Keep this. It'll come in handy when I'll teach you how to read."

"But I know how to read and write already," Gohan protested. Despite that, he clutched the marker tightly. It was nice to have something for himself even if it was just a plain old felt-pen. Well, technically it was not plain old, at least not for Gohan. It was supposed to be fluorescent after all.

"Oh-" Raditz's brow arched. "So tell me, smart guy, what does that say?" He pointed towards a sign on the nearest wall."

"I...-" Gohan gulped. " I don't know those letters," he admitted.

Raditz laughed. "Seriously?"

Gohan nodded and sighed inwardly with relief. At least Raditz appeared to be in good mood today.

"What got you so freaked?" Raditz sneered. " Whatever. It's not a big problem. Sucks you have to learn to read again, but it'll probably be easier if you already can read your planet's writing."

They continued the tour. The toilets and cleaning facilities differed from their Earth counterparts and Raditz had to explain how to use everything. Oddly enough, he seemed to find it entertaining. Then again, Gohan had noticed quite a while ago that the Saiyan liked to talk, especially when he was in good mood. It was not even particularly important what he was talking about.

The med bay was a wonder to behold - it would make medical professionals on Earth jealous. It was filled with the advance tools for conventional surgeries, diagnostic equipment, and medication that they could ever wish for, all organized neatly, and at their disposal.

Gohan approached a huge machine that looked like a peculiar, empty fish tank, wondering what it was for.

"It's a healing tank." Raditz proceeded to explain the purpose of the machine.

Gohan was fascinated, but he soon learned that machine was unfortunately not to be used.

"Healing liquid for the tanks is made from nano-machines, nutritions and bacteria, or some shit like that," Raditz said. "It can only be used for a short period before it expires, since it's bioactive and all that. But it takes rather long time to brew up, longer that we usually stay here. 'S why it's expensive to use healing tanks. That and all the restrictions put on the technology, you know, to leech off the poor suckers who need it. So even though we have a healing tank here, and even have all the ingredients to make the liquid, it is too impractical to use." He sighed. "If we need to, we can use the healing tanks in any of the Frieza's bases. It's costly. More than it should be. But no other place I know would allow Saiyans to use their tanks."

"Come. I'll show you the mechanical workshops," Raditz offered.

Workshops were located near the landing area. There were several; all but one were restricted to Gohan. He was not allowed to go in without supervision. The last one was filled with broken equipment, which was of little use, save perhaps spare parts or materials for mending less destroyed machines. Raditz told Gohan that he could tinker with it (or destroy it even more) if he liked.

"You can run around the corridors and play how you like. Just keep out of all the places I told you about, and don't open any sealed door." The station had been designed to house around 300 people; the Saiyans decided to seal away significant part of it to minimize costs of exploration. Still, it felt empty with so few of them.

"I can play?" Gohan inquired.

Raditz regarded him quizzically, as if he did not know what to make of the question.

"Yeah, once you're done with training and all your chores for the day, you can do whatever you like." He looked at Gohan wistfully and placed one hand on top of the boy's head to ruffle his hair. "It sucks that you have no other kids to play with. Not much fun."

"What kind of chores do I have to do here?" asked Gohan.

"You're on a cleaning duty indefinitely, pal." Raditz grinned. "Don't worry, it's not that much work. Bots clean a better part of the station. Except for our main room and Vegeta's quarters. There's usually something to clean in the kitchen as well. Eh, basically you clean whatever anyone tells you to. I'll show you how to work the cleaning equipment, but we still have time ‘till Vegeta and Nappa are back, so there's no hurry."

"And that is everything?"

"Yeah. Pretty much." Raditz shrugged. "That, and you'll be helping me in the kitchen when I ask. If you were bigger, I’d have you cook. But for now you are simply too small to move pots, so that'll have to wait. I will teach you how to do all the maintenance work for the station and our ships too, but all in due time."

Gohan nodded. That he could do. That wasn't so bad. Just regular house work. Or as regular as you got on alien space stations. Plus, he would be learning more about real spaceships. And that was cool.

Next they went to the training room. It was bigger than the living area. Raditz explained how it was the largest room in the station, except for the hangars. The ceiling was high to provide enough space for flight training, which was very fortunate, since Gohan had just learned to float in the air and was still in serious need of practice.

"Since we are already here we might as well do some warm up," said Raditz.

"Are we going to spar?" Gohan asked.

"Tomorrow." Raditz looked at Gohan critically. "As much as we need to make a capable fighter out of you, we both need some rest. Today we just warm up our muscles and do some stretching. Gods know we need it after being stuck in the damn pod for so long."

Gohan did not question it. He just started with his regular regime, and Raditz began his own.

Doing exercises warmed him up. He did not need to wrap himself with the blanket any more.

"Hungry," asked Raditz when they were done. "Me too. Back to the kitchen we go," he ordained as Gohan's stomach growled. He looked the boy over. "We need to put some meat on those bones."

They went back to the kitchen. The soft sound of Gohan's bare toes patting against cold floors followed the louder taps of Raditz's boots along chilly, empty corridors. The kitchen was much warmer when they arrived.

"Come!" Raditz signaled with his head that he wanted Gohan to go to the storage rooms before he disappeared behind the next set of doors. "Carry those!" he instructed once Gohan joined him, and placed parcels of culinary ingredients in the boy's outstretched arms. He took a large stack of packages.

Back at the cooking area, Raditz dropped his burden on the counter near the stove. He took the parcels from Gohan and placed them there as well. After a second of consideration, he snatched up Gohan by his growing hair and also placed him on the counter next to the food supplies.

Cooking was fun. Raditz let Gohan smell and try every new thing he unpacked before he threw the rest in the pot. Gohan liked sampling even though most things, which were apparently freeze-dried vegetables and some types of spices or herbs, did not taste very good on their own. Raditz also explained what each thing was and in some cases provided useful information about them.

Sitting on the countertop, Gohan felt he was at least learning something. And was having was fun.

Raditz was enjoying himself as well. To Gohan, who was getting better and better at reading his moods, it was apparent by the way he smiled.

"We need to make a supply run soon," Raditz informed while he stirred the stew. "We still have a safe amount of food here, even for four Saiyans, but there's no variety." Almost as an afterthought, he added: "And we're almost out of booze."

"What is booze?" asked Gohan, who was very young and did not know what the word meant, though he thought he had heard the adult Saiyans mention it at times.

"That? Liquor, you know, alcoholic drink." Raditz explained.

"Like that thing Grandpa drinks that sometimes makes him act funny?"

Raditz laughed. "Yes! That."

"Mommy says I'm not allowed to drink that it until I'm eighteen."

"And why is that?" Raditz inquired with some skepticism.

"Because alcohol is bad for growing," Gohan explained. "And for learning," he added.

"In that case, there's no booze for you till you're eighteen," Raditz decided thoughtfully. "Sorry, pal." At that point, he started to mix what he proclaimed to be minced grains and dried egg powder with water in a huge bowl.

"It'll be ready soon." he announced and poured the contents of the bowl into the boiling pot.

After the stew was cooked they went back to the living area, or the 'cave', as Gohan started to mentally dub it. Raditz carried the steaming pot, while Gohan was tasked with bringing some dishes and spoons.

The food was okay, but certainly better than anything Gohan had eaten in the last few months. After several helpings, they started to talk once again.

"How d'you like my cooking?" Raditz asked. He sat on one of the bag-things around the artificial bonfire. Gohan sat nearby on the pelt just next to the 'fire'.

"It's good," Gohan said. "But not as good as dishes my Mommy makes," he risked.

"I bet." Raditz apparently wasn't surprised nor upset in the least. "It's not as good as the food mine used to make. Hell. I can do better with fresh ingredients," he claimed.

"You didn't cook when... You didn't cook when we were on the planets," Gohan stated with question hanging in the air.

"Too little time," Raditz explained. "I'd have to look for pots, as we hardly can take any with us in our pods. Besides, I know little about edible stuff we find on each new planet. It's safer not to mix."

That sure made sense, given everything Gohan had learned so far about surviving on foreign planets.

"So, what do you want to do today?"Raditz asked after they both ate their fill.

"Teach me to read your writing!" Gohan blurted without a second thought.

"That's it? I told you we have this day to rest and what you want to do is... learn to read?" Raditz was perplexed.

"Yeah... and about space travel." Gohan flushed. "We don't have such technology on Earth. I want to know how to pilot a spaceship."

Raditz blinked. Gohan was apparently very excited by the idea of learning new things. Light shone in his eyes and the corners of his slightly agape mouth rose up.

"Okay."

"Really?!" Joy spread across Gohan's features as he jumped a little in place, tail swinging with anticipation.

Raditz grinned then rose up. "Yes. really. Come, let us find a piece of a wall to write down all the signs."

Gohan jumped up eagerly. At last, he was permitted to study something again.

"Learning piloting and navigating in space will take some time. You'll have to learn a lot of complicated math to be able to do it," Raditz warned.

"That's great. I love maths."

Raditz blinked again, surprised, then laughed aloud. "Man, you're weird little cub."

Gohan dimmed and sunk a little. "I'm sorry."

"What the fuck are you sorry for now?" Raditz asked, exasperated.

"For being weird," Gohan said quietly after a moment of quiet.

Raditz sighed. "Whatever. It's not a problem."

A suitable wall was not difficult to find. In fact, they settled for one in the nearest corridor leading to lavatory.

"Give me your pen," Raditz requested.

When Gohan handed over his marker after a barely noticeable moment of hesitation, Raditz wrote down all the signs of the syllabary that served as a standard writing system for interstellar travelers in this part of the cosmos, then explained what each sign stood for. Next,Gohan wrote down their meanings in Earth's alphabet. They repeated the same procedure for the numbers.

Gohan was a fast learner. Soon Raditz suggested they find some reading material to test Gohan's memory and practice reading further. Gohan learned that literature was a rare commodity in interstellar society. All that could be found on the market were different types of manuals. Books were stored on data crystals that were placed in a tablet-like device in order to be read. Mindful of Gohan's earlier declaration regarding interest in space travel, Raditz suggested they start with a navigation manual.

Before they continued with the reading lesson, Raditz insisted they take a break for a snack. Gohan happily agreed. They finished what remained of the stew Raditz had cooked earlier, but it was too little to satisfy their appetites. So Raditz produced two big jars from the pantry.

"It's cream made from puza fruit cores. It's good." He gave Gohan one of the jars and they went back to the 'cave'.

The treat inside the jar turned out to be very sweet and kind of nutty. It tasted as if someone had mixed peanut butter with equal amount of sugar. In Gohan’s opinion it was not very tasty, but it was very filling and satisfying.

The navigation manual turned out to be a difficult read, even though Gohan easily remembered all the signs of the syllabary and all the numbers. Unfortunately there were many other mathematical signs they had not covered beforehand and Raditz had to explain what they meant. In addition, there were numerous terms Gohan did not know and that he always asked to have explained. The lesson turned out to be tedious work for Raditz.

Raditz stretched out as much as he could with Gohan sitting on his lap, tablet in hands. He looked at the boy.

"Tell you what, we're finished for today."

"Okay. Can we go back to it tomorrow."

"Ha. Told you, you're weird. No other cub would be able to sit still and read for this long, much less look forward to more."

"This is very interesting." Gohan curled a little bit in himself and murmured: "I like when you teach me things."

"Right." Raditz turned to look somewhere else but smirked. He put his hand in Gohan's hair and tried to divide its strands with his fingers.

"Your hair needs some grooming," he stated. "So does mine." He pushed Gohan from his lap. "I need to find a needle. It's too tangled up to manage without a good, sturdy needle."

Gohan knew already that Saiyans did not use combs for their hair. Generally their hair routine was different from what Gohan remembered from Earth. Usually it involved taking out manually whatever local vermin had decided to make its home in the Saiyan’s hair. This procedure was preferably repeated every day. Gohan thought it rather impractical. Saiyans did not wash their hair with water, and when asked about shampoo Raditz just made a puzzled expression. Occasionally some of their hair became tangled up. Given the structure of Saiyan hair it did not happen too often to be a serious inconvenience, even for Raditz, whose hair fell easily past his knees. When it did happen, Raditz used a thin, sharpened stick, referred to as a ‘needle’, to untangle the knots. He kept one in his pod, but he often simply improvised one from whatever was around whenever needed. Gohan's hair, however, had different and more human-like texture. He really could use a comb.

After a moment Raditz returned with a suitable needle, a small device which turned out to be like miniature vacuum cleaner, a bottle of sanitizing liquid, and cleaning pads.

Now that Gohan knew the interstellar syllabary, he could read the label on the bottle; it proclaimed the substance inside was suitable for mammalian skin.

Raditz told Gohan to use the sanitizer if his skin still itched after the disinfection procedure. It helped.

Together, they managed to untangle the chaos that was Raditz’ enormous mane of hair. As expected, this took some time. Gohan learned that the small vacuum machine is used to remove all bits of safely dead and sterilized fauna or flora that remained attached after disinfection. It was cleaner and quicker than picking everything out by hand.

As soon as they were finished, Raditz sat Gohan on his lap and started patiently untangling the boy's hair strand by strand until he could freely move his fingers between Gohan's locks. Then he rubbed sanitizer into Gohan’s scalp. Gohan thought it was very calming, pleasant even, but after it was done he needed to have his hair untangled once again, albeit this time it did not take as long. When Gohan's hair was finally smoothed out again Raditz grabbed him under his armpits and moved him from his lap to over one shoulder and then stood up.

"We have shit to do tomorrow," Raditz proclaimed. He strolled for the nest with Gohan draped over his shoulder and dropped them both on the soft bedding.

The nest was full of scents. It felt oddly comforting to Gohan. He quickly concluded that Saiyans selected items for building their sleeping spot not only to provide protection from the cold, or even a soft place to rest, but because they liked the smell.

"It'll be several days before Vegeta and Nappa come back," Raditz said. He lay on his side, head resting on his bended arm. "We need to have everything running in perfect order in here by then."

Gohan sat and brought his knees to his chest. He looked at Raditz warily. He didn't like where this was going. Today had been a good day in Gohan's book, the best day he had since leaving Earth. He wanted things to continue being like today.

"They are going to be in the bad mood when they arrive from Frieza's base." Raditz sighed. "I guess there's no need to worry about it now." He placed a hand Gohan's head again. "So... you like it in here, don't you?"

"It's not bad," Gohan admitted.

"Maybe not," Raditz agreed, but the look on his face was peculiarly sad. " 'S the closest things we have to home now."

Gohan felt that Raditz included him in that statement. He wondered if he would ever be able to return home, but he wasn't allowed to dwell on that thought long as Raditz spoke once again.

"We rest now." With that, he moved his hand from Gohan's head to his shoulder and pushed him with enough force to topple him over. "Sleep!" he ordered in a soft voice.

Gohan laid for a short while in the same spot with open eyes. He glanced at Raditz, whose eyes were closed and his breath was evening out, but Gohan suspected he was not asleep just yet.

The light grew dimmer. Maybe the artificial fire was reacting to the lack of movement in the room, or maybe it was programmed to reflect day-and night time.

Gohan drew closer to Raditz and curled against his chest. It was warm and comfortable. Gohan inhaled Raditz's smell. He had gotten used to it. It was calming and somehow it made him feel safe. It was weird. Gohan was always wary of Raditz when the latter was awake. But he liked him when he was asleep. It was comforting to sleep next to him.

If only things could always be this way! But no, Vegeta was coming in several days. Gohan’s heart pounded. He didn't need to think about it now. He did not want to think about it now. He just wanted the present now. Not the past. There were things in the past, things better left untouched. And not the future. He just wanted here and now. It felt safe to be enveloped in Raditz’ scent. His heart rate calmed.

A tail brushed along his leg and lightly wrapped itself around him. Gohan pressed himself closer to his uncle's chest and reached out his own tail to wrap around Raditz.

He was falling asleep.

They still had several more days, right?


	2. In waiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. I'm happy to present you the second chapter of my story.
> 
> For those of you who have read chapter 1 and had warm and fluffy feelings about it, well, let's just say if you don't continue any further you will be able to retain those feelings (tags stand for warnings).
> 
> Special thanks to [Over8000](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Over8000/pseuds/Over8000) for beta reading this chapter.

The following days were pretty busy. Surprisingly, Raditz was busier with Gohan’s help than if he had done all of the chores by himself.

Raditz was happy he could spend some time undisturbed with his little nephew. Gohan was a cautious and timid child. They did not have much time to actually get to know one another during purges. Even after their work was done for the day, they were usually too exhausted to initiate more contact than was strictly necessary. Most days, especially at the beginning, Gohan did not even accompany him; he had left the boy to train alone and adjust to his new life.

Station Theta required routine check-ups of all the systems. The cub followed Raditz around and observed what he was doing, unless sent to clean or to train. The boy never got in the way and did everything he was told. At least it gave Raditz the opportunity to talk to someone, even if his interlocutor was a mere child. But he wondered how lonely Gohan must feel to seek out his company instead of... he didn't know…. playing?

Raditz had shown the cub how to use the ultrasonic cleaner for their clothes and equipment for other chores but he allowed Gohan to try and figure out how they worked first. It was entertaining to watch.

As the time went on, Gohan grew confident enough to ask more and more questions. He inquired about everything. Space travel was his favourite topic, but he also came up with inquiries about nanotechnology, medicine, and the workings of an interstellar society. Sure, they weren't very advanced questions even by Raditz’s standards - who did not have any formal education at all - but they were surprisingly well thought out, given they came from a toddler. Gohan was always so excited to learn new things. It made Raditz happy to see the look of awe in Gohan's eyes whenever he explained something to the cub. It made Raditz feel important and smart. He was also pleased that his young charge was so enthusiastic about something.

As weird as it was for a Saiyan cub to show so much passion and devotion towards intellectual pursuits, Raditz thought it might come in handy in the long run. For example, it meant he wouldn't have any problems persuading Gohan to learn the necessary technical aspects of maintaining a space station, their ships, or any of the med bay equipment. Also, Raditz could probably push some of his chores off on Gohan sooner than expected.

Gohan was far less enthusiastic about combat training; he performed whatever task Raditz asked of him without any complains, even if it was obviously challenging for him. Raditz chose not to comment on such uncharacteristic behavior for a Saiyan. Still, the boy was making better progress now when compared against how he had performed planetside. That was good enough for now.

Flight training seemed more to the cub’s liking. At least it seemed like Gohan had fun, even though it was sometimes just as painful as sparring. Since Gohan already had learned how to stay afloat, they practiced speed and aerial maneuvering. This meant Raditz either threw garbage at Gohan or fired low-powered energy attacks at him. No, pain was not the issue with Gohan. So, what was? Raditz did not know.

***

During their second day on the station, Raditz took Gohan to the med-bay and let the machines make a medical profile for the boy and to run necessary tests. As far as Raditz could tell - and his judgment of such matters was on the spot thanks to his sharp senses and Saiyan upbringing - Gohan was perfectly healthy, if somewhat too thin for his liking. The data would, however, be invaluable for making more advanced diagnoses in the future if something happened to the boy. And this line of work, sooner or later, something would.

Raditz had already started teaching Gohan to self-diagnose during the boy's training planetside, but this skill needed time, experience, and ongoing observation. It was a pity Gohan had been introduced to the concept so late. Raditz briefly wondered how difficult it would be to try and teach Kakarot, who was already an adult and raised without such a basic skill. The thought only made him groan.

Not what he wouldn't if he was given a chance.

***

Raditz had questions for the cub as well. He needed to learn about the boy’s earlier life, after all. Also, he needed to instruct Gohan about what subjects not to bring up in front of Vegeta and Nappa. In order to do that, he needed to know what he could expect from Gohan.

"Say, you lived with your mother and her people?" Raditz asked when he had enough of hearing Gohan read aloud from the space flight manual for the day. He remembered Gohan’s mother was important enough for the cub to miss, so it was probably as good of a start for a conversation as any other subject.

Gohan looked up at him, surprised by the change of topic.

"I lived with Mom and Dad," he explained. "I don't know about Mom’s people; no one else lived near us, but Grandpa visited us often."

"Hmm... then you lived on that island where I met you and Kakarot?"

Gohan put down the tablet and shifted his position on Raditz’ lap so he could talk to Raditz without craning his neck uncomfortably.

"No, we went there to visit Dad's friends. They all went on adventures together when Dad was younger."

"And your mother?"

"She stayed home."

That meant Gohan’s mother wasn't that Earth female Raditz had seen on the island., That was good, because she had been very weak. However, that wasn’t what Raditz had wanted to find out.

"No, I meant to ask, did she go on adventures with your father, too?"

"Well, she used to!. That was how they met. Dad was on his first adventure when he met Mom, and then Grandpa Ox said that he and Grandpa Gohan- who raised Dad- used to train under Master Roshi together, and that Mom and Dad should be together too when they grew up. And then Dad continued his adventure with his other friends. And then he went to train under Master Roshi with Krillin."

"Who is Master Roshi, and what they were training," Raditz asked. He could already guess the answer.

"Master Roshi is that old guy who lives on the island and has a special technique that is very powerful, and Dad wanted to learn it so badly. And they were training to make their bodies stronger."

That was more or less what Raditz expected. "Ah, that's an understandable pursuit. But what about your mother? Did she train as well?"

"No... I mean yes, she had to." When Raditz raised an eyebrow to that statement, Gohan continued. "She did not train with Dad, but she had to train so that she could enter the World's Martial Arts Tournament and meet up with Dad there."

"What happened then?"

"Dad won."

"Of course," Raditz laughed. "He is a Saiyan, after all. But your mother made an impression on him, right? And then they had you."

"Yes." Gohan confirmed.

"So your mother's one of the strongest warriors on your planet, I gather." Raditz thought it was an interesting development.

Gohan put a finger on the corner of his mouth, considering the answer "I think so."

There was one more important thing to learn "Say, did Kakarot's adventures involve fighting?"

"Yes. Dad defeated many bad people, like Demon King Piccolo and his son and Tao Pai Pai and the Red Ribbon Army! They were doing... they were doing..."

Gohan drifted off and fell silent for some reason. He turned his face away so that Raditz couldn't see his expression. Raditz thought the cub must feel disappointed that the father he’d believed to be so great didn't turn out to be the strongest fighter in the universe after all.

Raditz was relieved. At least his brother hadn’t shamed himself with an unworthy life. Kakarot's life on Earth did not look so bad. He was a warrior after all, as powerful as the weak environment of Earth had allowed him to become. Apparently. the one who raised him was also a warrior, descended from a house of warriors. Kakarot had joined or formed a hunting party of fighters to face many struggles, and had proved himself against numerous foes. The names were of course unfamiliar to Raditz, but the fact that Kakarot defeated an entire army was a good sign. Then, he produced offspring with another warrior, who also came from warrior lineage. From the looks of it Kakarot and that warrior became life companions. That fact kept some possibilities open. but created some problems as well. It was almost a pity Raditz had to interrupt that life. It was even more of a pity his damn brother had not just done as told.

"Don't bring up Kakarot when Vegeta and Nappa are around. He's a traitor to us. It's best if they forget altogether who your father is," Raditz ordered, "but if they ask, tell them that your father was a warrior and fought many foes. If they ask about your mother, just say she is a warrior, from a warrior's house."

The cub turned away and jumped down on the floor from his place on Raditz’ lap.

"My Dad did not betray me!" Gohan proclaimed bitterly, and tried to storm away. He didn't even manage to move out of Raditz's reach before the latter grabbed him roughly by the wrist, turned him around, and pulled him back

"What's that?!" Raditz hissed in Gohan's face. The cub winced in pain, but he squeezed harder. "At least look at me when you fucking dare to talk back. Have I told you this conversation is over? No? Sit down!" He yanked Gohan down so hard that the boy crashed to the floor and hit his head.

Raditz glared at the boy, who gathered himself up and explored the fresh bruises forming on his face with his fingers. Truth to be told, he wasn't as much angry about Gohan's defiance as about the sensitive topic. It wasn't unusual for Saiyan cubs to talk back to adults over small or unimportant things, just to get into confrontation. But this was different. This was serious.

Eventually, Gohan sat cross-legged in the same place he had fallen and nursed his hurting wrist. He looked anywhere but in Raditz’ direction.

"Now, explain to me why the hell hasn’t Kakarot taught you how to fight."

"I never wanted to learn. I wanted to be a scholar. and Mom said not to train me. She can be scary."

Raditz snorted. He felt like he could have liked that warrior, despite her faulty judgment on how to raise a Saiyan cub. But why wouldn't a warrior raise her offspring in the same way??

"Mom taught me how to read and write and do math and she got me books, so I could learn anything I wanted to. She said I was going to be great scholar, too."

Raditz was silent for a while as he tried to weigh it all in his head.

The cub obviously showed a lot of interest in learning new things. Raditz could not assess anyone's academic aptitude well, but he believed that Gohan had a lot of potential for that kind of stuff.

Raditz was worldly enough to understand that not every society valued warrior's prowess above all else. Some valued their particular idea of beauty, some praised the possession of many material things, some valued engineering. Some appreciated fertility or sexual pleasures more than anything else. Some cultures prized knowledge, and others valued things or ideas that were too difficult for Raditz to understand.

It wasn't as unreasonable as it seemed, by Saiyan sensibilities, for a group of physically weak people to value something that would give them more advantage in their lives than cultivating the meager strength of their bodies.

It was likely that Gohan's mother's people believed the pursuit of knowledge to be just as, or more important than fighting. She understood her own society much better than Raditz ever could. With all the attention she had lavished on Gohan, the lack of combat training could not have been a sign of negligence on her part. No, it must have been a deliberate decision, based on the cub’s individual potential. She obviously had believed her son could achieve greatness through intellectual pursuits. Of course, she made a mistake by abandoning training her cub altogether, but Raditz could still see the merit of her decision. She only had the cub's best interest in mind, after all He almost could have excused her on the account of her not being a Saiyan.

Kakarot, though, should had known better. He should pushed to train his son. He was a Saiyan, after all. And now Kakarot’s negligence put Gohan in potential danger.

It did not occur to Raditz to wonder how Kakarot was supposed to know it was his duty to teach his son to fight, since he had forgotten all about being Saiyan and their customs in the first place. He was just angry about how negligent Kakarot had been.

"You mother did well teaching you. But there is no excuse for your father. He should have taught you how to fight. You said he did not betray you, but he did not do well by you either. He was a brave Saiyan, but he was also a very stupid one," he told Gohan. "He is dead now. You don't have to think about him."

Gohan stared at Raditz angrily.

"I don't want to forget him! Mom too!" he proclaimed rebelliously.

Raditz shrugged. He would not forget who this boy's father was. Did it really matter what the cub thought? "Remember him as a brave warrior then. Be that brave when you face your enemies."

The cub eyed Raditz sternly for a while, then nodded.

"Good. Remember what I've told you!"

Raditz left Gohan alone and went to do some extra training. He had tried to keep calm during their conversation, but the topic of his brother kept him on the edge under the best of circumstances. The cub confronting him over it did not help. Now he was positively riled up. He had to blow off some steam, or at least tire himself out enough to get his mind off the subject

When he returned, he found Gohan in the same place he had left him. The boy sat still and hugged his knees. He didn't even turn towards Raditz to acknowledge his entrance.

Raditz shrugged. He didn't know how to deal with it, so he just kicked the cub in the shoulder. Not hard enough to do any real damage, but hopefully hard enough to get the boy out of whatever cubbish mood he was in. Then he dragged Gohan to the kitchen to get some snacks before they hit the hay. Gods of Battle, he needed to fatten that child up!

The next day Gohan was quieter and more withdrawn than usual, and the rest of their time alone on the station passed without any confrontations.

One time, Gohan came to him and hugged his leg. Raditz didn’t know what that was about, and he didn’t ask. The brat probably felt extraordinarily lonely. Raditz could tell the child’s breathing was uneven, but he didn’t cry, so that was alright. He didn’t want to break contact or cause childish whining, but having the boy cling to him limited his mobility too much. He opted for moving Gohan up to ride on his back instead. He even supported Gohan with his tail, although the cub could very well hold onto his hair. That way, he was free to continue with his chores.

***

Raditz noticed Gohan's hair was getting longer. It was a peculiar thing for a Saiyan; he probably inherited the trait from his mother. Yet it was a good thing, considering how short it had been earlier. Raditz wondered just how long it could grow still. Now it was long enough that if Gohan had an infant sibling it could safely grab onto his hair to travel on his back, but it was too short to provide a younger cub with much protection from cold.

Gohan's locks were softer and tangled more easily than hair of most Saiyans. This gave Raditz plenty of opportunities to take care of it and demand Gohan help out with his hair in return, whether Raditz needed it or not. He really missed mutual hair grooming. Nappa was bald - a rare condition for Saiyans, but not unheard of - there was not much that could be done with it. And Vegeta... Vegeta simply did not like to touch others.

In the beginning of their time together, back planetside, Gohan had been reluctant to let him touch his hair or to reciprocate. Raditz wondered if maybe Earth's people did not do such things. Or maybe Gohan still saw Raditz as too much of a stranger to interact in such familiar way. But now, he seemed to understand and accept this was expected of him. It made Raditz happy.

***

Vegeta and Nappa had been away dealing Frieza, or at least one of his lieutenants. Either way he was bound to be in lousy mood when he returned. Nappa as well.

As the time passed and date of their companions return drew closer, Raditz always had a meal prepared and ready to serve, so that the stronger Saiyans would not get even more pissed from the lack of available food.

Raditz also cleaned up Vegeta's room. It was not that he did not trust Gohan with cleaning, but he doubted Vegeta would appreciate letting a cub in there without his explicit order.

He went through all of their food stocks and stored any snacks he knew Vegeta and Nappa would enjoy. He even managed to find the last bottles of hard liquor and put it away for Nappa. At least that would put the giant mandrill in a better mood.

Raditz decided that as soon as Vegeta gave him permission, he would go to restock. He had the route to the nearest spaceport, one that would allow him to purchase enough provisions, already planned. He would also take Gohan along, so that he could buy the cub footwear in his size and armor that would actually fit. And maybe he would treat Gohan to something delicious. The cub was making steady progress. He deserved some kind of reward.

***

When Vegeta and Nappa finally returned, everything was ready for their arrival. An alarm that indicated the incoming space pods went off, of course, in the middle of the night and woke them both up. Raditz had just enough time to start heating up the previously prepared meal and pull on fresh armor.

He barked at the groggy cub, who climbed down the nest, to hurry up. The little boy followed, rubbing his eyes, as they dashed to the landing area. Raditz thought grimly that soon Gohan was going to be very awake.

Together, they stood at attention in front of the opening pods, Gohan half a step behind Raditz, and they waited.


	3. Vegeta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for kind comments and words of encouragement. 
> 
> Special thanks to [Over8000](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Over8000/pseuds/Over8000) for beta reading this chapter.

_Several months prior._

Raditz woke up from artificially induced sleep. His tiny spacecraft neared its destination. Soon he was going to meet Vegeta and Nappa for their new assignment. He checked his position in relation to the navigation beacons. Everything had run according to expectations. He looked at the chronometer. Thirty seven hours had passed since he left Earth, or ten times that long, depending where you took the measure. There was only an hour remaining until landing. He needed to prepare himself mentally.

On his lap, the sleeping cub stirred. Oh yeah, right, he had to somehow prepare the boy as well.

There was no way to make this particular cub look acceptable in such a short time, but if he kept cool, he probably would survive this. They both would.

He nudged the cub. He had slept even longer than Raditz, it was time to wake up.

The cub yawned and stretched out. Then he realised where he was, and with whom, and started panicking. In the limited space, there was no getting away.

"Calm the fuck down!" Raditz ordered.

It worked. Somewhat. The cub settled a bit but continued sobbing and snivelling.

Raditz eyed him critically.

"Cease your cries! Do you want to be seen like that? If your enemies saw you crying they would know your weakness and they would attack to take advantage of it. And if your allies saw how weak you are they'd abandon you," he admonished.

"What enemies?" The cub whimpered. "I'm just a little boy. Where is my Dad?"

"I wouldn't fucking know. He saw you cry and decided you are not worth it." Raditz was irritated. The cub’s plight felt a little close for comfort.

"You lie! Dad would never do that!" The cub looked angrily at him, tears slowly drying up.

"You called it. I lied." Raditz admitted unabashed. "The truth is, he's dead." The truth was, he  
wasn't happy with the turn of events either.

The cub looked at him, mortified.

"You've killed him,” he said with audible disbelief. "It's false. You're lying again."

"He is dead." Raditz repeated. “but it wasn't me who killed him. A green guy did it." At those words, the cub started to whimper again.

"Don't worry, I killed the green bastard myself, so your father is avenged." Unfortunately those words of assurance didn't have much effect on the cub’s mood. It couldn't be because the cub wanted avenge his father himself. He was obviously much too weak to handle that green guy now and he had to know it. He wouldn't want to delay his revenge for gods know how long, would he?

Raditz didn't quite know what to do. He would opt for violence, but they were inside the pod and he didn't know how would the cub react. He suspected more crying would ensue and he didn't want that. Then again the cub could always try to retaliate, which in different situation would be a welcome outcome. In that case, Raditz would just overpower him and that would be the end of it. However they were in a space pod, where their freedom of movement was greatly limited. It would be ill advised to start a fight, which could lead to breaking some part of the machinery.

Unsure of how to proceed, Raditz decided to give the cub a few minutes to collect himself before intervening any further.

Between the sobs he heard the cub murmuring. "... I don't believe...Daddy...lie...bad man... no, no, no...all his fault..."

"You fucking done?" Raditz finally lost his patience.

The cub looked at him, startled and angry.

"Now, your father is dead and as you may've noticed, we are travelling through space in my pod. You are now my responsibility and you have to do as I say. You do what you are told, and you get to live. You don't and you die one way or another. Soon we’ll land on planet Skwash and meet up with our comrades who are Saiyans as well. They are stronger than us, born better. You will show respect and composure. That means no crying. Got that?"

"You took me away from Earth?"

"Oh, we have an intellectual here," Raditz said, half mocking. Truth to be told the cub was quite articulate for the age Raditz suspected him to be. "You got that right. More questions?"

The boy shook his head. Raditz expected he had lots of questions, but was too overwhelmed to formulate them right now. There would be time for that later... or it wouldn't matter at all. Raditz was reasonably sure he was going to get his way, but you never knew with Vegeta.

At least the cub was somewhat calm right now. Raditz took the occasion to snatch the canister of water from under the armrest and drink some.

"Great. I have some questions for you. What's your name?"

"Gohan."

"That's not a Saiyan name. I should give you a new one, a better one."  
  
"But I like my name,” the cub protested. "I don't want any other name!"

"We'll see. It's not like anyone will bother to remember how you are called for now."

The cub did not answer, just gave a tearful, angry stare. Raditz could smell fear on him. It was definitely the dominant emotion right at the moment.

He thrust the water canister into the cub's hands. "Here, have some."

The cub looked up at him startled, once again. Untrusting.

Raditz groaned. "Don't give me that look. You're dehydrated from all that sleep and your stupid fucking, crying. It's just water."

Hesitantly, the cub lifted the big canister to his mouth.

Raditz knew he still needed to instruct the cub about how to act in front of his superiors, but first he had more questions. Also, he needed to assess the cub's abilities before they met up with Vegeta and Nappa.

He started with most obvious one. "How old are you?"

***  
No one was on the landing site on the foreign planet when they arrived. Raditz checked the coordinates on his scouter, grabbed Gohan, and took to the sky. After several minutes of flight, Raditz dove to the ground and dropped Gohan in front of the awaiting Saiyans.

Gohan knelt on one knee, like he had been instructed, but he was still so shaken, that he needed both hands to support himself in that position. Afraid but curious, he looked up.

There were two of them. One was huge and imposing, so much bigger even than Raditz. Gohan recognized him as Nappa. The other one was... not so much. Next to Nappa, he could pass for a child. That, Gohan knew, was Vegeta. And somehow Gohan didn't even need an explanation that Vegeta was the one to be most afraid of.

Raditz stepped ahead of Gohan, knelt in front of Vegeta, and hit the ground with his fist in a show of reverence.

"Prince Vegeta, my brother is dead," he reported.

"In that case, you have failed your mission. Is that right?" Vegeta inquired.

"Yes, my Prince." Raditz dropped his gaze toward the ground in anger and shame. His jaws tightened. He knew what to anticipate.

Vegeta smiled an ugly smile. "I see."

Upon uttering those words, he kicked the kneeling Raditz in the jaw with enough power to make the latter fall backwards. Without delay, Vegeta stepped on Raditz's stomach and forced him to unwrap his tail or have it smashed. Too quickly for eye to follow, Vegeta grabbed Raditz's tail and squeezed tight.

All of Raditz’s strength abandoned him and all of his attempts of resistance ceased.

"Look at you. You are pathetic," Vegeta proclaimed.

Vegeta yanked Raditz’s tail painfully, then stepped on his head with one foot.

"It's not like I expected any better from you." Vegeta snorted. "You’ve disgraced yourself. We heard everything. You were too lenient. Fucking low-born!" he shouted and kicked Raditz in a frenzy. "You were all too forgiving. You have gave him too many chances. You should have at least disciplined him properly before making him such a generous offer. You should have shown your power. Why do I have to tell you how to do your fucking job?!"

Gohan watched the scene in shock and fear. To think that someone had brought the powerful Raditz so low so easily! Remembering Raditz words earlier he was determined not to cry: “Don't show weakness to people around you - they will use it to take advantage of you. Crying would make things worse. Don't cry before your enemy. “

"Apologies my Prince," Raditz was barely able to mumble. In response, Vegeta merely kicked him once more and then let him go.

"And what have you brought with you?" Vegeta eyed the quivering Gohan.

Raditz shakily gathered himself up from the ground. Blood ran from his nose and bruises already formed on his skin. He winced with pain, but otherwise seemed able to move without much of a problem.

"He's my brother’s son, Your Highness. I want to train him into a proper warrior."

Vegeta pressed the side button on his scouter.

"Raditz, he’s not worth it. His power level barely registers," he stated in a dismissive tone.

"I know that. His father neglected his training. But he is the only Saiyan cub we know of, the only other Saiyan alive. It wouldn't hurt to at least try and train him," Raditz tried to persuade.

"Vegeta, I think Raditz's right this time. It's worth a shot. We can always kill the cub later if he shows no hope of growing stronger. But if he does, then we could..." Nappa trailed off. He was afraid of creating futile expectations.

"Do whatever you want," Vegeta spat. "He's your responsibility and your problem. But don't let it come in the way of your duties," he warned. "Either way, He can't become any sorrier excuse of an excuse for a warrior than you are. "

With those words of warning, Vegeta flew away, much to Gohan's relief.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, surprise a flashback starts this chapter. 
> 
> See you soon in the wilderness of planet Skwash.


	4. Wilderness of Planet Skwash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what the hell... the updating schedule on this thing is a mess anyway, you might as well get a new chapter now...  
> (also because I feel the previous chapter was kinda weak on it's own)
> 
> Special thanks to [Over8000](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Over8000/pseuds/Over8000) for beta reading this chapter.

Nappa stayed a while longer. He needed to brief Raditz about how their current mission was proceeding; he also wanted to talk about the cub. He wouldn't deny he was curious and he suspected Raditz could use some brainstorming about the brat’s training.

Inquisitively Nappa looked at small, quivering creature that squatted at Raditz’s feet. The boy was clad in ridiculous, colourful garb which covered his whole body save for his head and hands, making it impossible to tell how big he was when he was crouched down. Most likely, the clothing was typical for whatever backwater little mud ball he came from. In Nappa’s opinion, it was hardly an outfit appropriate for a young warrior.

The boy barely held back tears and he reeked of fright. Nappa scowled at the disgusting behaviour the cub displayed. To think this little pitiful thing was a Saiyan! He was disappointed. Could there really be any hope for such a weak creature?

At least the cub looked up at him with fearful curiosity, but kept quiet. Was he even old enough to talk?

Gohan observed the adult Saiyans with frightened eyes in an attempt to make some sense of the situation. Everything seemed scary, especially because his surroundings were so foreign.

"What do you think?" Raditz asked Nappa.

"You need a miracle," the answer came.

"I know, right," Raditz sighed. "But tell me if you have any ideas how to keep him alive and strengthen him up."

"Is he sick?"

"What?! No! It's just, he is so fucking weak. I don't know what his parents were thinking. I asked him about it before we got here; he never got his own food, he can't tell his own health at all. Hell, from all I can tell he can't scent properly. And there is this attitude." Raditz gestured towards the cub cowering at his feet.

Nappa shrugged. "Whatever you do with him, the sooner you begin the better."

"Oh, right." Raditz kicked Gohan. "The boot camp starts NOW! Go, run to that tree and once you get to that rock over there, continue running between the two until I tell you," he ordered.

Gohan scurried away and could no longer hear the adults talking.

The discussion between the two Saiyans took a while.

When Raditz finally called Gohan back, Nappa was preparing to leave.

But before Nappa flew away, Gohan managed to hear him say: "Oh, and Raditz, you've made a sound judgment by bringing the cub back with you." Gohan didn't quite know what to make out of that.

Raditz just nodded in reply and turned towards the weary Gohan.

"Tired already?" He grabbed Gohan roughly by the collar of his changshan and put him under one arm. "We are going back to the pod," he said, and took off into the sky.

***  
Both Raditz and Nappa agreed that despite the fact Saiyan cubs were expected to be warriors, the newest addition to their team was too young for a regular war (or purging) campaign. However, Vegeta would surely demand the cub be in full fighting condition as soon as possible so Gohan could join them on missions without a delay.

Vegeta himself was a prodigy. He had no patience and couldn’t understand.

It was different thing entirely to send infants out to deal with weak planets on their own, where they could adjust to the environment at their own pace and didn't have to keep up with older warriors. Of course, this was a risky trial but it was supposed to be one, so the cubs could prove their worth. And even if they failed, well, there were other brats who would have a chance to grow up and become warriors. There were always more adult Saiyans to produce even more babies to replace those that had fallen.

This system had been created to replace the long standing tradition of leaving weak cubs out in the wild to die of exposure in order to preserve resources for stronger ones, who actually had a chance for survival. Of course, if the brats proved themselves by surviving and returning they were welcomed back among their people. Honestly, they probably had a better chance on weak, foreign planets than in the hostile environment of planet Vegeta.

With only one cub to raise, this practice was unnecessary. The adults could use whatever resources they deemed necessary on him, but it also meant that they only had one chance to get it right. If they succeeded, well, that would open interesting possibilities for the future. First, they needed to figure out a plan to help the brat survive. Even infant cubs who had been sent on purging missions were better off than this boy!

Raditz was perfectly willing to push the cub into a harsh training regime, but he was also sure that going too fast would have negative consequences on the brat’s future development. He couldn’t just force the child to overextend himself without consequences. Besides, Nappa confirmed that even if they did manage to gain any short-term success, the long-term consequences of overtraining could be devastating on young, overzealous Saiyans.

Raditz didn’t think it was necessary just yet to bring his new charge up to the level expected from other low born cubs his age. Nonetheless, the brat needed to progress quickly and show promise of further growth of power in the near future. If the cub could maintain good health, it would be easier to steadily raise his power level. The long term gains would be greater than if the cub initially overtrained and showed good initial power boost, and then plateaued.

With luck and some convincing, Raditz hoped that Vegeta would accept his reasoning. It helped that Nappa agreed with him. That was a relief, because that didn’t happen much as of late.

However, if the cub didn’t have decent power he would need some skill. Unfortunately, battle skills just couldn't be fostered without sufficient power to protect the trainee from injuries. The only solution that Raditz could think of to this impossible predicament was to teach the cub how to efficiently use what little power he had.

Eventually, Raditz decided it was best to build up brat’s stamina first before starting on actual combat training. Nappa agreed this was a good idea as well. Raditz had felt it would be a good idea to introduce the cub to Power Concentration Forms and Forms of Remembrance from the beginning, but it was more important to teach the cub skill necessary for survival first. There were more urgent and practical if the cub was going to make it on his own. This planet didn't even have a moon. It could wait.

***  
The cub was told to stay near the space pod and to always sleep inside of it. Raditz showed him how to open and close the pod's hatch and instructed that the inside of the craft must be always kept as clean as possible. He also explained that he had put a blockade on the controllers inside so that the cub wouldn't have to worry about accidentally messing anything up or starting the engines.

Once the sleeping arrangements had been discussed, Raditz introduced the cub to the fine art of finding nourishment in foreign terrain. He explained what to look for and the most rudimentary ways to tell if the food was safe. He supplemented the lesson with a demonstration. Raditz plucked out various plants, with their roots attached, and pointed out their physical characteristics, especially their odours. Next, he explained what they meant. Of course, this wasn't something that could be taught in one day; it took years to learn, but it should be sufficient for the cub to survive to the next day without poisoning himself.

When Raditz decided that he was done teaching survival for now, he went over the daily training regime with the cub and warned that he would know whether or not the brat followed through. That last bit was only partly true. Raditz could tell if the cub had trained or not, but he could only guess at how much he had done. But the cub did not need to know that!

***  
On the next day, Raditz landed near the pod. The cub was nowhere to be seen. No problem. He could use the time to assess the brat’s activities by studying the area. It wasn't as if the cub could actually escape or get lost. It would be all too easy to find him.

Since he didn’t need to worry about his charge’s current whereabouts, Raditz looked for tracks to see what Gohan was doing and, more importantly, for signs to indicate the boy’s health. He noticed tracks that indicated the cub had performed the training exercises that he had been ordered to do. The cub, despite his meager weight, had left an imprint on the low vegetation and soft soil along with the lingering scent of Saiyan sweat .

  
Products of metabolism were all too easy to spot for someone with a Saiyan’s acute sense of smell. He'd need to talk to the cub about covering the traces later, but at this point it was hardly the most urgent lesson. Raditz hadn't seen any evidence of vomiting, and that was a good sign. Probably. He couldn't tell one hundred percent unless he checked in on his young charge.

He stayed closed to the ground as he proceeded with his search.

Raditz found the cub squatting near a stream - the nearest source of drinking water. The boy did not spot him until he approached close. When the child finally turned his head in Raditz’s direction and saw how close the Saiyan was, he was so startled that he almost fell forward into the stream.

Raditz laughed. "Easy there! It's just me."

The cub did not look very reassured.

Raditz crouched next to the boy. "Have you eaten?"  
  
"Yes," a tiny voice answered.

"Have you eaten enough?"

No answer.

Raditz sighed. That meant “no,” and to be honest he had expected this. It meant that the cub had been able to find some food nonetheless. At least, that was a start.

He leaned over and sniffed at the cub thoroughly. The cub looked puzzled for some reason.

"How do you feel?"

Judging by the smell, the cub must had eaten some succulent leaves, and he had dug out tubers rich in starch. It was also apparent he had eaten some kind of water molluscs. Maybe he had been looking for more just now. He also had collected small sour flowers that grew everywhere in the area and were rich in vitamins. Good! Out of these things, only the molluscs could be tricky but they were also the most valuable source of nutrition.

The smell told him that the cub had not vomited. That was a promising sign. Most likely, the cub was taking well to the foreign diet. There was always a chance the brat had not inherited the Saiyan iron stomach. And even Saiyan cubs could develop digestive issues if in new environments or under a lot of stress.

"Hungry." With some hesitation, the same small voice answered Raditz again.

"Mmm." That was as expected, and a good sign as well. "What else? Does your head hurt?"

"Yes," Gohan admitted. "Everything hurts."

It was weird to be sniffed like that. Gohan resisted the urge to move away.

"Toughen up," Raditz told him. "This is normal. We're on a planet where the gravity is stronger than on that dirt ball of yours. And you're doing training you've neglected before. But tell me next time if the pain gets worse."

Without warning, Raditz grabbed Gohan’s head and started to tousle Gohan’s hair in a surprisingly gentle manner.

"What are you doing?" Gohan felt uncomfortable with the closeness. He grimaced.

"What do you think?! Checking for the vermin that might've crawled in your hair," Raditz explained. "You need to check all the places that you can reach yourself. I mean all, like between your toes or your crotch. You aren't a newborn infant, I won't do it for you." He patiently ran his fingers through Gohan's thick strands. "Insects may carry disease. Saiyans don't get ill easily, but it's better to be safe than sorry." He turned Gohan's head to the side and peered in his ears.

Than Raditz did something even weirder and licked his forehead.

"Why did you did that?" Gohan asked, taken aback.

"To tell if you’re healthy. Haven't any of your caretakers taught you that?"

"No," Gohan answered. "Am I healthy? How does it work?" he inquired, intrigued.

Raditz let the cub go. In spite of his sudden interest, the boy showed obvious signs that he was uncomfortable with how close Raditz was. Once released, the boy immediately retreated. Still, Raditz knew he had all of the child’s attention. For his part, he wasn't surprised that the cub did not know how to self diagnose - it seemed like the people he had lived with never let him do anything for his own wellbeing - but he'd expected someone to at least take proper care of the cub's health.

"By taste," he supplied after a minute of consideration. "There are many substances in your sweat that can indicate the state of your health that you can determine by smell or taste. The same goes for other substances your body releases, and for blood. And, yes, it seems you are indeed healthy. It's individualised, though. I need to observe you for some time to be completely certain."

The cub nodded but continued to stare at him in a focused and anticipatory manner. Raditz felt it was a good moment to proceed with further explanations, since he had the cub's full attention anyway.

He left half an hour later after showing the cub how to remove insects; one had burrowed into the soft skin of the boy's forearm. Then Raditz promised to bring the boy some more food if he trained diligently.

***  
Living on an alien planet sure was scary, but in many ways it was also a very fascinating experience for Gohan.

The planet had two suns, but no moon. Instead, other planets were visible in the evening sky. They looked smaller than Earth's moon, but they were much bigger than any of the stars Gohan was used to. The sky was blue, but not the same kind of blue as the sky on Earth. It was always fascinating to look up.

There were trees, but they were not as tall as those back home. There was no grass. Instead, most of the ground was covered in a carpet of moss that was encrusted with varying sorts of succulents and different kinds of blooming plants. Fortunately for him, many of those plants turned out to be edible even if they did not taste the best. He was learning from Raditz how to tell what was safe to eat, and also what was like to be left alone.  
  
Gohan observed many strange creatures; most he could describe as flightless birds, but there were also lizards and even some furry quadrupeds which could be mammals.

On some days, Gohan woke up to find the pod which served as his bed had moved during the night while he slept. He was quite startled the first time it happened, but he figured it made sense since Raditz was moving around the planet as well. It was more convenient for him to fly shorter distances to check up on Gohan.

In each new place, it was easy to find water. On the other hand, he never saw a bigger body of water than a stream and wondered if there are any lakes or seas on this planet.

It was quite fun to explore the new areas. Gohan hoped that maybe if he found some people they could help him to get away from the Saiyans, but no sign of sapient life could be detected anywhere near the places he stayed. He was afraid to go too far away from his pod and not be able to find his way back before night-time. Really, he did not know how far away or in what direction people might be. He suspected Raditz had purposefully chosen these desolate areas for his training.

Raditz warned him that dangerous predators were active during the night. He speculated that Gohan would not be able to defend himself from them. With a big grin on his face, he described in detail how Gohan would be torn to pieces if they found him, and made sure to mention that the creatures ate their prey alive. Gohan was not sure if he was lying or not. He decided not to take a chance.

The inside of his craft was safe, though. The space was cramped, but Gohan was also small; he could curl up and sleep on the seat designed for an adult with relative comfort. It was also warmer than the outside, even during the day, so he managed to get by without any blankets.

The outdoors were rather chilly. It seemed the suns did not give much warmth to the planet. Gohan rarely took off his now dirty and tattered changshan except during the most intense parts of his training.

Raditz showed up every day when he could. If he couldn’t, for some reason, Nappa dropped by to check up on him.

Neither ever stayed for long, but at least they talked to him and taught him new things about dealing with his environment. Gohan soon realised that their tips were usually quite helpful.

While he did not like either Saiyan and was afraid both of them, he liked being left all alone for so long even less. Gohan preferred when Raditz came to visit, even though he soon noticed Nappa was less likely to be in bad mood and (by extension) easily irritable. Nappa was loud, he talked a lot about how much fun to was to kill people, and he laughed about it too.

When Gohan asked Raditz if he thought killing people was fun as well, he said ‘yes’. Gohan could tell by his expression that he was happy Gohan had asked, but he did not elaborate any further. Instead he said they had little time, and before he went back to work he needed to teach Gohan a special exercise that would help Gohan concentrate his energy.

Gohan already knew that 'work' was killing people. In truth, it did not appear as if Raditz was having much fun. Mostly he seemed tired and sometimes irritated. However. Gohan did not dare to question any further.

For some reason, Raditz just seemed safer than Nappa. Maybe it was because Gohan saw more of him, or maybe because he was more focused on teaching Gohan things that were actually useful. Or maybe it was because he brought Gohan food every other day. It was not enough to fill up a Saiyan child, but it was a significant contribution to his diet nonetheless. If only Raditz didn't drop hints each time that needing help with getting your own food was somehow shameful.

At least Vegeta never came to see him. Gohan was able to find small consolation in that fact.

Whenever Raditz showed up, he looked for and picked out any insects that had started living on Gohan's head and in his hair. He also sniffed Gohan's scent and licked his forehead or wrist every time, and made other examinations too. Sometimes he asked Gohan to undress and touched his tummy or areas around his lymph nodes, or sometimes he ordered Gohan to take off his boots and inspected his feet. From time to time, he looked into Gohan's eyes and under the eyelids or checked his teeth and mouth. Once he realised Gohan didn’t actually understand what he was doing and why, he started to explain with relative patience.

Gohan figured it was the same as a doctor giving someone a routine check-up and he soon became calm about it. He still didn’t like it, but that was because he wasn’t fond of Raditz and didn’t want to be close to him, not because he was bothered by the treatment itself. Raditz also urged Gohan to conduct such examinations by himself to understand better how it was done and what was going on with his body.

Nappa was never so thorough with his examinations. He barely took the time to sniff Gohan’s scent.

Raditz examined Gohan's tail as well. In fact, it was only part of the body he actually asked permission to touch first. Gohan noticed this fact, and asked if it was wrong to touch someone’s tail without that person agreeing to it first. And the answer was that, of course, it was very wrong. Then Gohan asked if it was okay for Vegeta to touch others’ tails. He learned that Vegeta has the authority to do so as a punishment. For some reason, the question earned a him hard and painful slap in the face from Raditz.

With time, Raditz demanded that Gohan do more and more types of exercise. Forms that were meant to help him gain mastery of his energy weren't that bad. They weren't any harder than the training to increase his stamina and muscle strength, but they required more precision. The same could be said for the forms that would help Gohan ‘remember himself’, as Raditz put it. Gohan wasn't quite sure why he needed those forms - he thought he remembered himself and didn't need any help with that! Most included his tail, which Gohan was not used to employing in a conscious way because no one on Earth had such appendage. So in addition to his normal routine, he had to additionally do exercises for tail fitness and precision of its movements.

Raditz also made him practice punching and kicking. This was much less pleasant. Shadow-boxing was okay, but actually trying to break something with his hands or feet was often painful. His limbs were soon covered with scratches and bruises. Complaining only got him a painful kick between the shoulder blades. However, Raditz checked on his wounds every time he showed up and sometimes let Gohan take a break to recover. Of course while he healed, he had another long list of exercises to work on that did not involve injured body part.

***  
Gohan sat still hidden in thick scrub. For some time now, he had been observing a flightless bird that must have been almost as tall as he was. The creature clawed at the dirt, presumably in search for food.

The bird fascinated Gohan. He thought it was bird, because its body plan was similar to an ostrich with very short neck, but it did not look like anything he had ever seen on Earth. Its huge, wide beak was covered with bumps and warts that gave it a rather unpleasant look. Its feathers were green and its tail feathers reminiscent of a peacock. That is, if someone pulled most feathers of its tail out and mangled the remaining few. Gohan had seen other birds like it already, although some were colored reddish-brown rather than green.

Raditz joined Gohan without making a noise. But this time Gohan wasn't startled; he caught the Saiyan’s scent before the other approached.

He couched next to Gohan but did not interrupt his observations. Instead he peered curiously from Gohan, to the bird, and back as if waiting for something to happen. After a few moments a big lizard in the bushes nearby made a noise and it scared the bird away.

"Damn, and there it went," said Raditz. "What were you doing staring at it for so long?"

"I was observing it. I like observing animals in the forest. I did it a lot back home," Gohan explained timidly.

"I see." Raditz smiled at him. This time it was actually a genuinely nice smile - an expression Gohan hadn't seen on his face very often. "You are learning their habits. Smart. It's helpful with hunting."

"I've never hunted. I don't know how to," Gohan replied. He reflected this might have been the wrong thing to tell Raditz so he added quickly: "But I can catch squid-things in the stream."

"I already know that," Raditz snorted, "but don't worry. I'll get you something to train with soon," he reassured.

***  
Gohan cautiously studied his new "caretaker" whenever he showed up. Raditz didn't behave the same way people on Earth did, at least not the ones Gohan knew, even taking into account that his new guardian was far meaner and more aggressive than anyone Gohan had met before. Usually when they talked, or more likely Raditz was explaining something, he would crouch next to Gohan, but never in front and he wouldn't keep eye contact for too long. Instead, Raditz looked around and turned his head as if trying to hear better. And there was the sniffing thing. He would sniff the air from time to time, and basically sniffed anything he had picked up or something that (for whatever reason) caught his interest, no matter how awful it smelled. Gohan concluded Raditz didn’t act like a person, but more like the creatures Gohan used to observe in the forests at home.

Gohan figured out that Raditz wanted him to act like a woodland animal as well.

“Should I ask like a creature of the forest too?” Gohan inquired.

“Why d’you ask?”

“You act like that.” Gohan stated.

“I do? I grew up in a desert, though,” Raditz laughed. “Or at least that’s where I come from,” he added in more sombre tone. “But yeah, if that is what helps you understand what I expect of you, than you can think in that way.”

Mom would most likely disapprove; a little boy acting like some forest animal! What would people think! Little boys should be polite, do their homework, and brush their teeth every evening. Gohan didn't even have a toothbrush!

Finally he gathered up the courage to ask Raditz about a toothbrush. Raditz looked at him quizzically and asked what that was. Once Gohan explained that it was something used clean teeth and prevent cavities, he actually helped Gohan find a plant that could prevent growth of bacteria in the mouth if chewed and another that had fibre that could be used for flossing.

Gohan missed his Mom and Dad very much. He missed Grandpa as well and his home, but he definitely missed Mom and Dad the most. It did not help to think about it, because whenever he did he got really sad and couldn’t help crying. Whenever Raditz found him crying or even smelled the tears on Gohan he would beat the boy.

No one had ever treated Gohan in such a cruel way before. But he already knew that it was far from how cruel Saiyans could be if they wanted to. Whenever he recalled what had happened when he had been introduced to Vegeta and Nappa, he couldn't help but shiver.

Gohan did not want to believe that Dad was dead. He wished with all his heart, that someday Dad would find him, defeat the Saiyans, and take him home. Then he could be safe and live happily with his parents once again, away from all the dangers and suffering. He dreamed of getting back home every night.

But Dad never showed up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see you next time, when Gohan is going to learn some important lessons and you are going to hate me.


	5. Lessons in Killing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you hadn't read the note at the end of previous chapter: you are warned.
> 
> Special thanks to [Over8000](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Over8000/pseuds/Over8000) for beta reading this story.

One day Raditz brought an alien with him. For a supposed adult, it was a rather smallish creature with bluish-grey fur and a horse-like face. Despite the appearance it was most certainly a person of some kind, as clothes and jewellery indicated sapience.

"Kill this thing," Raditz ordered and dropped the being on the ground.

Utterly terrified, Gohan noticed the creature was already badly injured, too injured to get away, despite that they were frantically trying to move. They couldn't stand, so they tried to crawl until they collapsed on the ground and squawked in pain.

"Why?" Despite how frightened he was Gohan could not help but ask, a small hint of rebellion barely audible in his voice.

"Just do it! It's a part of your training," Raditz stated impatiently.

"I don't want to." Gohan braced himself in anticipation for the upcoming blow.

Raditz smacked him hard and Gohan fell to the ground.

"Stupid, fucking, brat! We don't have time for this!" Raditz shouted furiously but soon cooled down. He crouched next to Gohan, who still lay on the ground. Gohan pointedly did not look at him.

"What's the matter? Don't you know how to kill? I have shown you how to concentrate your power, but if you still can't do that there's plenty of things you can use. Just find a hard, sharp stick and stab them or hit them with a stone."

By the concerned tone of his voice, already absent of earlier anger, Gohan could tell Raditz was trying to be understanding and helpful. It did not help how macabre the whole situation seemed.

Raditz knew that some cubs just needed a little help to get a hold on killing their victims. It certainly wasn't abnormal. Some cubs would show curiosity or attempt to play with their prey. Of course, cubs just learning to kill were usually much younger than this one. It usually happened when the cubs started to live exclusively on solid food, or in more recent years before the destruction of Planet Vegeta, when they left their incubators. So it was no surprise they did not know what to do with their prey and how. He knew for certain this particular cub had never killed anything, save for small water mollusc, and he frankly thought that did not count as a legitimate kill. The obvious conclusion was that the brat would need Raditz’s help.

"I crippled them for you. They are no danger, you can safely approach. It's going to be an easy kill," he explained. "They're weak, you can strangle them or kick and punch them till they are dead." Maybe the cub needed just a little more assurance, a little more guidance.

"It's cowardly to attack someone who can't fight back," Gohan mumbled and refused to look at him.

"Oh, that." Raditz brightened. "It's good that you are so spirited and eager for a challenge. But I think it's still too early for you to fight an uninjured opponent."

"No. I won't do it," Gohan protested stubbornly.

"Fine! They are going to die anyway," Raditz spat. "It's just a matter of time." With those words, he left.

Gohan sat by the dying alien. He didn't know what to do, how to make things better. Even breathing looked painful for the creature. Whenever Gohan looked at their face, he could tell how frightened they were. But he couldn't do or say anything to help them. He tried not to cry, but couldn't stop his tears.

Then something unexpected happened. The alien raised their hand weakly and brushed it against Gohan's. He looked at the being’s face, but he could not read their expression. Was that a reassurance or a plea? He could only guess.

Finally, after what it seemed like forever, the alien died. Gohan did not leave the spot of his vigil until Raditz returned.

"You didn't do it after all," Raditz accused and then smacked Gohan for the second time that day.

"It was just pointlessly cruel, you know," Raditz said. He wouldn’t think much about pointless cruelty if it was more straightforward and actively inflicted. Raditz guessed to each their own, but passive observation of someone’s prolonged painful death wasn’t really a Saiyan thing. Worse yet, it took a lot of time. Saiyans killed easy victims quickly, mostly because they wanted finish their work as quickly as possible. And it wasn’t as if they had any personal grudges towards their victims, that would warrant dealing a painful death. Such behaviour from the cub could delay their work. Something had to be done about it.

Gohan sat back up, his eyes still fixed on the ground.

"They would suffer shorter if you just killed them," Raditz added and knelt by the dead body.

"They wouldn't suffer at all if you hadn't hurt them in the first place," Gohan mumbled.

Raditz gave him a stern look. "I told you, you are not ready. I'm responsible for you, you know? I don't want you to get seriously injured in this phase of your training, and I sure as hell don't want you killed."

Gohan clenched his fists in frustration. That was not what he meant at all. But he was tired, he didn't want to talk to Raditz any longer.

Raditz did not pay attention to Gohan's mood. Instead, he tore off one of the corpse’s arms and threw it at the boy.

"Here. Eat it," he ordered.

Gohan looked at him, mortified.

"What?! No! I can't! It's disgusting," he protested loudly. The prospect of eating a dead alien disturbed him greatly.

Raditz, who was in the foul mood already, wanted none of Gohan’s attitude. He grabbed Gohan by the hair on the side of latter's head, lifted the boy up and shook him painfully.

"Yes, you will," he drawled. "You need to eat. You're too thin already. If you lose any more weight, it is going to be bad for your health. And after today, you don't deserve anything better. So you will eat or I'm going to force it down your throat."

He dropped Gohan back to the ground.

"So? What’s it's going to be, brat?" he asked angrily.

"Can I at least cook it,"Gohan pleaded weakly. Even though he WAS hungry, he didn't want to eat any part of the dead alien. It was a person. This was eating a PERSON. Gohan felt this was wrong. He couldn't exactly explain why, but the thought disgusted him. But he also didn't want to be beaten any more. He was too tired to argue.

"Fine, if you can start a fire in 5 minutes," Raditz agreed.

Hastily, with shaking hands Gohan searched for suitable fuel in the nearby scrub. He managed to find enough dry branches to build a small heap and he lit it with his concentrated energy.

Raditz nodded with approval.

Gohan did not know how to cook properly something so large and while usually, Raditz would patiently answer his questions, now Gohan was too scared to ask and too nervous to improvise. He just settled for skewering the arm with a stick and putting it over the fire.

He could tell from the mean chuckle behind him that was not the correct thing to do. Unfortunately, Raditz did not feel generous enough to help him out.

Soon he had to rescue the scorching arm from the fire, as the stick broke and it fell down into flames. He heard Raditz laugh, then approach. Gohan feared that Raditz would force him to eat the practically raw meat.

Raditz crouched next to him. He peered around and chose a few more sticks from the pile Gohan had gathered earlier. First, Raditz stacked two smaller, forked branches at opposite sides of the fire. Next he lifted the forsaken arm from the ground and skewered it lengthwise with the longest stick from the pile. Once this was done, he secured the makeshift broach on the two supports.

"You need to rotate it slowly, otherwise it'll get charred on one side and still be raw on the other," he instructed. "You can make a grill too, but you’ll need more sticks."

"Thank you," Gohan peeped weakly. He didn't really think Raditz deserved much thanks, but it was good manners and Mom would be pleased that he had shown good manners.

Raditz just gave him an odd look. He tended to do that when Gohan thanked him for something.

"Whatever, brat," he brushed it off. "Just don't be so difficult next time."

He stayed with the cub to make sure the boy ate the unappetising limb. He snorted at the faces the cub made while he picked through the disgusting meat.

Maybe this was the problem; the creature he had brought for the cub to train with smelled completely unappealing. It was perfectly edible and rich with protein and fat - a good supplement for the cub's diet - but it tasted TERRIBLE. A Saiyan could tell that by smell alone when it came to meat. He certainly wouldn't touch it if he wasn't starving. Maybe the cub did not recognize the alien as a viable source of food?

But Raditz knew for sure the cub had to be very hungry so he did not expect problems concerning the unappetising alien. He had assumed that the cub would just do what comes naturally. So, what went wrong? The brat could have some hang-up about unappetising food. It was rare, but not unheard of among Saiyan children. That would explain why he had no interest in killing whatsoever.

It didn't explain why the boy had opposed his direct order, but cubs weren't exactly the most rational creatures. Maybe if he hadn't reacted so violently toward the first signs of disobedience from the cub, he would be able to goad the brat into killing. Maybe the brat had opposed him just for the thrill of getting into a confrontation? That had to be it. Or... maybe he had overlooked something. It just seemed off for some reason. But he saw no better explanation. Next time, he decided, he would bring something more suitable for Saiyan culinary tastes and see how the cub reacted.

***  
Raditz squatted on the ground forearms resting on his knees and hands in front of him. Gohan crouched in similar position next to him. Another heavily wounded alien laid nearby, too hurt or too tired to move.

"You've killed before. Now you are telling me it's 'bad'?"Raditz asked.

"It was an animal yesterday. Now it's a person," the cub answered.

"I can see that, but this is also an animal. They die the same way. There is no difference," Raditz explained, exasperated.

"But it's NOT an animal," the cub protested stubbornly.

"Sure it is. They smell like an animal. The biological readings on the scouter are that of an animal. There are no reports of sapient fungi, plant people, crystal entities, energy beings nor any other weirdoes living on this planet so what else could it be? All people here are just animals." Raditz had no idea what the brat was trying to say, the cub sounded nonsensical. He could not think of a single reason why killing the alien now would be any harder, or ant different for that matter, than killing the beast yesterday. It was not like they were suddenly dealing with plant or fungus based entities, which would usually require destruction of whole body in order to ensure a kill, or some other exotic beings, that could only be terminated by some extraordinary means.

"What are we then? Are we animals too?"

Raditz groaned. "Of course we are! What did you think?" Wasn't it obvious? It should be, even for a small cub. Raditz knew the boy was intelligent and observant, but sometimes he didn't understand the simplest things. "Except, we are stronger animals. Predators. We kill them."

"But predators kill for food and..." the child trailed off.

"They're terrible to eat, we established as much." Raditz laughed as he recalled the incident from another day. "I'll make you a deal, brat. Kill them quickly and we can go get better food."

Normally he wouldn't bargain, but if the cub started to associate killing with a reward, then he might be less likely to object in the future. Besides, the brat needed more practice anyway. Killing had to be familiar. He couldn’t get hung up on each new kill. That would be ridiculous! It would take forever to get any work done. Also, Raditz needed to ensure the cub would kill when he was ordered to.

"But we can get something else to eat. We don't need to kill them for food," the cub reasoned.

"Yes, we do. I'll explain later. Now just kill them!" Raditz sighed. Why was this so difficult?

"It's bad to kill people." Gohan stubbornly stood his ground.

"Why?"Raditz sounded more tired than curious.

"It's what Dad says," Gohan replied. He was angry, he didn't know what to do, and he feared invoking Raditz's fury again. So far, the he had not seriously injured Gohan, and it really seemed like he had no intention of doing so, but he was a murderer. He could potentially become far more violent. If only Gohan wasn't so confused! If he only was less afraid than angry, but what could he do about it?.

Raditz thumped him on the head. "That doesn't explain anything!" he shouted. "And he was wrong," The mention of his brother had made him even more sour and his patience was wearing thin.

"Now kill them before I change my mind," he threatened.

Gohan considered his options. The being was dying, and as far as he knew there was no saving them. And, if no one did anything, they would suffer a long and painful death. Yet he still shrunk away from the prospect of killing someone.

Killing was definitely bad. You did NOT kill people. That was wrong, wrong! You could kill animals, when you were hungry and you were going to eat them. Gohan had killed an animal yesterday; Raditz had brought one for him to practice on. It had already been wounded so it was safe.

Well, it wasn't that easy. Gohan still had difficulty putting it to death, but he did get a lot of food. He was finally able to satisfy his hunger too. Even Raditz seemed happy with him. He patted his head and told him he ‘did good,’ although earlier he had laughed at the trouble Gohan had with the animal. Even before that, he had killed squid-things in the stream, and, he supposed, clam-things as well. The latter had to be alive as well, but they didn’t move so he hadn’t thought much about it at the time.

Gohan recalled observing a wildcat in the forest back on Earth with his Dad. It had brought a small creature, maybe a bird, to its kittens. It had still been alive, and the mother let the kittens play with it and eventually kill it. Dad had explained the wildcat was teaching its young how to hunt. At this moment, Gohan could not get the image out of his head.

He didn't want to be forced to eat this type of alien again, or to be beaten as a punishment for not doing as he was told. A very tiny part of him, somewhere deep down in his subconscious, wanted Raditz to ruffle his hair and tell him he had done well again. He didn't know why; Raditz was in his eyes a terrible villain. Then he thought about how Mom and Dad would be so disappointed in him if he murdered some innocent person, even if it was a weird alien. But wouldn't they be disappointed as well if he let the alien suffer with no hope for survival?

He gathered a ball of energy in his hand like Raditz had taught him. He just wanted to protect both himself and the alien from more needless suffering. With feverish mental apologies to the dying being and to his parents, he fired a small blast.

He hit the alien in the eye. Brain and fluids splattered everywhere.

"See, it wasn't that hard." Raditz was by him and ruffled his hair. "I told you it's the same."

Gohan wanted to be alone. He didn't want Raditz's hand on his head. Except the part of him still wanted Raditz approval. The part that wanted to believe, wanted to be reassured that nothing bad had happened. That HE hadn't done anything bad.

Raditz peered down at him. "I promised you better meat, but let's clean you up first," he said, all too casually, and rubbed some of the brain matter from Gohan's bangs. Almost as an afterthought, he turned back and incinerated the corpse with an energy blast.

Gohan didn't feel so good. He followed Raditz numbly to the nearby stream. He wanted to get cleaned but somehow he couldn't coordinate his hands to do it. When Raditz asked him what was wrong with him, he said he was just exhausted. It was partly true, concentrating enough energy to kill certainly wore him out. Luckily, Raditz accepted the explanation and did not question him any further. He even helped Gohan clean up and assured him that he would feel better after eating something. Then Raditz took him to catch their next meal.

When Raditz finally let him alone and was out of hearing range, Gohan broke down. He could no longer pretend nothing had happened. He sat on the ground and cried really hard. Was there anything he could have done? The alien had been dying anyway, he had just released them from their suffering. There was nothing more he could have done in that situation. Nothing.

He was confused about whether or not he did the right thing, unsure of his role. He felt angry, but he didn't know where he should direct his anger. After all, he wasn't even quite sure what was making him angry. He was powerless in face of this new reality. He had to play along to survive, but for how long? He just wanted to go home.

***  
Shai!kara was having the worse and most likely the last day of their life. Several days ago, half of their village managed to escape a fey attack on their dwelling and hid in the forest. They had built a camp along with some other survivors, determined to live through the invasion. But fate wouldn't allow it.

Their camp had been attacked. Shai!kara survived only because they were away collecting food. When they heard the assault, they immediately ran away as fast as possible. As much as they wanted to help the others, Shai!kara was no hero. What could they do anyway? But luck was not on their side either. The fey dropped down in front of them from the sky. They weren’t able to stop in time and crashed headlong into their enemy.

"You'd do nicely." The fey caught them and effectively prevented their fall. "Now, as long as you behave I won't hurt you,"

It was a terrifying creature, nearly two heads taller than Shai!kara or their tribe's people, and very muscular. Its body was furless, except for a long mane of thick, black hair. Its face was flat and only the nose stuck out. It was unsettling. Its gaze was especially frightening as its eyes showed mostly the whites. Truly it was one of the most demonic fey anyone could imagine.

Shai!kara was too panicked to struggle against it. The creature pinned them to its side with one mighty arm and took off into the sky, which caused them to abandon any thoughts of resistance whatsoever.

The giant fey took them where a smaller one waited.

"Now brat, you kill this fella here. We'll see how you fare. They are weaker than you, so there should be no problem. But be on your guard - scared creatures can be very dangerous." With that last remark, it released Shai!kara.

Shai!kara tried to assess their situation. They stood in front of the smaller fey, perhaps a foal, while the bigger one moved back. Shai!kara risked a glance at it. It was still observing them and its foal. Would it let them go if they tried to escape? They looked back at the smaller fey. It didn't look happy at all, but its stance seemed to show that it was preparing to attack. If that thing was indeed a foal, maybe those creatures were not supernatural and could be fought and defeated? Maybe, despite the magical ability to fly and kill with light, they were mortal. Shai!kara concluded they needed to kill the foal first if they wanted to survive this. Then maybe they had a chance with big one. But wouldn't the big one attack them when they fought the little one? They just had to take their chances and hope for the best.

The fey foal looked stressed, almost sick. It seemed so incredibly unfair to kill this creature to save their life. Hsha!!sari, Shai!kara's people, believed it was a sin to kill a foal or young of any kind. And Shai!kara was of that age when they could already have a foal of their own. It seemed abhorrent to kill one. But could they survive otherwise?

Shai!kara was by no means a fighter. Among their people they were regarded as weak and frail. But their opponent was a mere foal, surely even they could defeat the small thing? And then, maybe the opportunity to escape the adult ‘fey’ would present itself. Chances were slim but they were fighting for their life. Given the stakes, Shai!kara decided to fight and kill the foal to save their own life. Having made their decision, they attacked.

Gohan saw a scared alien. The being looked a lot like the first one of their species he saw. He would have hard time telling them apart if not for the fact this one was slightly smaller than the first one and their fur’s hue was warmer, more purplish, than bluish. But the patterns on clothing they wore and jewellery were different. Their eyes were dark, showing virtually no whites, and gentle, like the eyes of a deer. He didn’t want to fight them and he certainly didn’t want to kill them. He had killed a person before, and although he felt terrible about it, he was able to find some consolation in the fact that the person had been dying. He had just shortened their suffering. This was different. The person he was facing now was uninjured and if he let them get away, they could continue living.

He knew Raditz would punish him if he failed to kill the being and he would likely receive some small reward if he followed orders and managed to make a kill.

Raditz was probably going to kill them anyway. Did it really matter who did the deed, as long as the outcome was death?

But the thought of killing anyone didn’t sit well with Gohan. He didn’t want to be a murderer. In spite of that, he took up a fighting stance. He wanted to find the strength to stand up to Raditz... He really did.

Then the alien attacked Gohan. The two of them fought while Raditz merely watched.

Gohan felt small, even though his opponent wasn’t that large. His first beam attack missed. He did not know where to strike. Panicking, he punched and kicked where he could reach but it seemed he was getting hit more times than his opponent. For a moment, he thought he was going to be overpowered and he felt scared. Was he going to die? Raditz did not help, he just watched. Would he just let the alien kill Gohan? The thought was chilling. Gohan felt desperation and… his mind went blank for a moment, then...

...The deed was done.

Relief and triumph rushed to his head just for a moment. It was good to be alive. It was good to win. It was good to...

Gohan hung his head low and breathed heavily. It was in part due to exhaustion, and in part in an attempt to prevent himself from crying aloud. And in part in shame. Did he just think…

He was a murderer.

Raditz approached the cub and ruffled his hair. Something drew his attention, and he squatted to better see the cub’s face. The boy had tears in his eyes!

"Does your mother's species produce tears when they attack?" Raditz asked.

"I don't know," the boy answered meekly and rubbed the tears away.

"Better not, tears make your vision blurry," Some species displayed such physiological reactions to their own acts of aggression. Raditz had heard of it happening to Saiyans after especially harrowing battles and in cub’s limited experience, this skirmish must have counted as a hard fight. Once the boy became accustomed to fighting, the tears should stop.

He was worried at first, but then Gohan realized he wouldn’t be punished for crying - this time. It seemed Raditz did not comprehend Gohan's silent tears. To Gohan that was more frightening and somehow unjust than any punishment Raditz could have inflicted for weeping. In truth, Gohan could not grasp everything he felt at that moment. It was too much.  
  
Raditz thought the brat deserved recognition for his first unassisted kill: a name. He deserved it. Raditz wanted to give him a Saiyan name to show that he belonged among Saiyans.

He thought up several names he liked: Roké, Parsni and Cerne were good choices, but none of those seemed to fit. Raditz also liked ‘Manesca’ very much, but Manesca was a mad warrior and famous for excessive strength. No, Nappa and Vegeta would just laugh at that and mock both him and the boy. And it didn't 'fit' either. Well, the cub liked the name given to him by his parents and wanted to keep it, so at least he wouldn't have to get used to a new one.

"Anyway... good job Gohan," he said, ruffling the boy’s hair some more.

Gohan froze. Raditz had never used his name before! It should have made him happy, but now it just felt wrong. It didn't fit anymore. It belonged to the world of Gohan's Father and Mother.

He let Raditz ruffle his hair some more. He could hear promises of food. No doubt a reward for his deed. He felt dirty. Then Raditz said something about polishing his skills further. For once, he didn’t pay attention. He hoped Raditz hadn’t noticed. Fortunately, he was left alone soon after.

Gohan recalled how desperately he had wanted to keep his name, his human name. But now he wished that Raditz would change it. Then he wouldn't be Gohan, who had just killed an innocent person, but some other boy. Gohan would still be pure and untouched.

But Raditz said nothing about it. Now Gohan had to live through all of it. Gohan was responsible.

He didn’t want this. Any of this. He was a murderer. He was ashamed of himself. He thought, for the first time but not for the last, that even if his parents did somehow manage to find him they wouldn’t want him anymore. He thought he didn't deserve to go back home now. He wished that nothing had happened. That it was just a bad dream. He wanted to be home with his parents so much.

So many different emotions ran through him right now. He was furious at Raditz for taking him away from his family, for making him do awful things, and at himself for giving in and being so weak, at Vegeta for casting a shadow of terror over his life, and at the alien being he had just murdered. Even at his parents for not being around to protect him from it all. He had no idea what to do with all that rage, and where to direct it.

Gohan felt powerless, but at the same time he felt very afraid. What else was going to happen to him, and if he had murdered someone already what else would he do? He was afraid of emotions and situations that he did not know how to deal with. That fear bound him down. He felt shame, guilt and regret, all of which weighed him down and wore him out. He felt confusion. Confusion made him powerless.

He felt too tired even for crying. He went back to the pod and curled on the seat wishing the reality wouldn't hunt him in his dreams. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roké - (meaning: defiant, disobedient, unruly; inspiration: Eruca Sativa, also known as Rocket salad, Rucola and five or six different similar sounding names) a name of Raditz's older nest sister. She was second oldest child in the nest and sort of leader of children in Raditz's house. She was his primary hunting teacher and often carried him around when he was still too small to keep up.
> 
> Cerne - (meaning: a person, who can look at situation from many perspective to find solutions, an unorthodox thinker; inspiration: Medicago Sativa, commonly known as Alfalfa or Lucerne) a name of a hero of Saiyan stories. Cerne was a cunning warrior, who defeated enemies with wits and smart strategies rather than strength. Noted for medical knowledge. In some stories Cerne is pregnant or weaning a baby. Usually Cerne is referred with 'she' pronoun, but some tell the stories using 'he' pronoun. It is because Saiyan storytellers (which can be just anyone) try to achieve some form of identity with the hero of the story and gain heroic virtues (understood as excellency) in exchange (yeah, Saiyans basically self-insert themselves as heroes). Of course other storytellers simply repeat the stories how they heard them. 
> 
> Note that the fact that Saiyans use gender-specific pronouns at all is due to the fact they use Universal Galactic Language, which is in this fic represented by English language. There were no gender-specific pronouns in original Saiyan language.
> 
> Parsni - (meaning: cheerful; inspiration Pastinaca Sativa or Parsnip) a name of Gine's friend. Fun personality. He was notable for liking machines and being a good tactician. He was successful warrior and well liked, even though strength wise he was average or below. 
> 
> Manesca - (meaning: fearless, undaunted; inspiration: Romanesco Broccoli) a berserker like warrior from popular Saiyan tales. Some stories identify Manesca as the Legendary Supersaiyan, other paint them as enemies (and as worthy opponents at that), but in most retellings they are not related in any way. 
> 
> You can expect Gohan to face an important test around the time Easter Bunny visits.


	6. Test for life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to [Over8000](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Over8000/pseuds/Over8000) for beta reading this story.
> 
> flashback contiunes

In the following days, Raditz brought more things for Gohan to kill or alternatively took him on hunting trips. It seemed irrelevant to him if Gohan killed people or animals. It was a shocking and horrible experience for Gohan, who intuitively knew there was some significant difference between sapient and non-sapient life forms but had no idea how to explain it.

As terrifying as this was, Gohan just couldn’t bring himself to object any more. After his few first kills he felt like he had no ground to protest. He hated it. He even hated killing animals. But at least killing animals for food did not cause him to loathe himself any more the way killing people did. Still, he obeyed Raditz’s commands with resignation. There wasn't anything he could do about it. Getting into arguments would accomplish nothing but to earn him new bruises.

Sometimes when Raditz was away, he cried. He did it as much out of loneliness and general misery as out of shame and guilt regarding his murders. But the novelty of the experience was wearing off, along with the extreme feelings that went with it. He soon grew too tired to mourn each of his kills. He tried not to think about it and to concentrate on surviving instead.

He wondered if it was the same for Raditz. Maybe he too used to hate killing and hate himself for doing it. Maybe this was why he looked so tired. Asking about it probably wasn’t a good idea. Raditz became irritated and violent easily whenever Gohan brought up subjects he didn't like. They didn't spend much time together; when Raditz was around he usually concentrated on teaching practical things for survival rather than talking about personal issues, but Gohan already knew that Raditz also had been sent to kill when he was still a child. Maybe in consequence, he later decided he liked it because he had to do it anyway. Gohan understood as much that in this strange world he needed to kill. They both did. Gohan feared that someday he too would start claiming murder was fun. But… wouldn’t that mean all those incomprehensible and unpleasant emotions he was experiencing would go away? Maybe it would be easier that way.

Still, he didn’t want to be like Raditz. Raditz was a villain. Dad didn’t want to have anything to do with Raditz. Gohan was sure Mom wouldn’t either. He was certain if he became like Raditz, his parents would reject him. But for some reason, imagining Raditz as someone similar to himself was weirdly comforting.

Meanwhile Raditz, unaware of thoughts and conflicts running through Gohan's head, trained his charge to perfect the skills of energy manipulation. He demonstrated several attacks and explained the mechanics behind them. It was interesting and Gohan really tried to focus on it instead on what he was going to use it for.

Movement of the body served as a way to channel power. Gohan learned it was easier to concentrate energy using body parts which were normally used for manipulation. That was why Saiyans mainly used their hands to generate beam attacks. But it was entirely possible to use any other body part, like legs or mouth or even something as usually inert as a navel. In short, any point of the body one could concentrate on could be used to focus one's power. It could be very useful in some situations where one’s hands were otherwise occupied or too hurt, so Gohan had to train this ability as well.

Gohan was also instructed to do more exercises Raditz dubbed ‘Forms of Power’. A body moving in a specific way was supposed to influence parts of brain responsible for energy manipulation. It was the first time Gohan had heard an explanation like this and he found it really fascinating. Some forms helped with concentration of energy, others were for release. They were meant to help efficiently use what little energy Gohan possessed. Raditz also taught him how to make energy shields and, of course, more Forms of Power came with that.

To Gohan's dismay, manipulating energy for attacks turned out to be easier than forming shields. When asked, Raditz said it was because he had so little energy and that he would get better with shields when he grew stronger.

Raditz also knew exercises that fostered the ability to see objects that moved really fast and to notice things all around him, even from behind. He called them ‘Forms of Perception’, and ordered Gohan to perform them vigorously alongside the Forms of Power. This ability was based on small signals the body received from its immediate surroundings, like the flow of air and shifts of smells or sounds, and amplifying the state of alertness those tiny stimulants caused. As with the Forms of Power, certain movements of the physical form could activate and train appropriate areas in the brain. However, Raditz did not know of any exercise that could make someone perceive the energy, or battle power, of an individual. When Gohan asked about this, Raditz was intrigued by the question but claimed it shouldn't be possible without this energy being converted first to a form that could generate something discernible to Saiyan senses, such as heat or static.

Gohan learned there were additional forms designed to help with flying and moving rapidly, but for now he was supposed to put all of his attention into attacks, defence and perception. Raditz even allowed Gohan to temporarily put aside other parts of his training just to focus on the Forms of Power and Forms of Perception.

They would leave the planet soon and Gohan had to be ready to present his skills to Nappa and Vegeta. Raditz became more stressed and more irritated as each day passed. He complained how weak Gohan was every time they saw each other. Apparently, Gohan was still far below standards for Saiyan children his age.

Gohan also grew more and more stressed. He understood that he might not leave this world alive if he did not meet some arbitrary criteria set by Vegeta.

At least it seemed like Raditz, and even Nappa, wanted to keep him alive and travelling as their companion. It was some small consolation, but unfortunately it was Vegeta who was calling the shots.

Just thinking about that Saiyan filled Gohan with dread. He couldn't forget how thoroughly Vegeta dominated Raditz. Sure, Raditz himself was nothing but brutal with Gohan, but he always seemed to take a measure of how much abuse Gohan could actually endure before getting seriously hurt. Granted, the beatings Gohan received were always painful and scary but never to the point where Gohan would start to fear for his life. Meanwhile, Vegeta was a terrifying unknown. Worse yet Gohan could tell Raditz and even Nappa, judging by the little interaction Gohan had with the giant Saiyan, were afraid of their leader.

Finally, the day had come. Raditz took Gohan to the meeting spot. The other two were already there, waiting by their pods: Vegeta and Nappa.

Once again, Raditz knelt on one knee in front of Vegeta and struck the ground with his fist. Gohan mimicked him.

"Spare me the show," Vegeta said. "If the brat don't display enough ability I won't let you keep him, no matter how nicely you ask."

Gohan shuddered, aware that his life or death hung on Vegeta's will.

Raditz stood up, feigning confidence, and Gohan soon followed his example. He was well aware that he did not appear confident at all, but at least he managed not to cower in front of the more powerful Saiyans this time, like he had when they first met.

Vegeta pressed the button on his scouter to measure Gohan’s power level.

“Too weak,” he stated simply, but otherwise made no move.

Raditz nodded. “Consider this: he has grown immensely since I’ve brought him with me,” he said. “He can grow even more soon,” he assured, “if you only give him a chance.”

“It’ll be years before he even achieves your pathetic level in any way. Why should we bother?” Vegeta sneered.

“It doesn’t hurt to have one more warrior around, even one who is not very powerful. That's always one more person to hold your back,” Raditz argued.

“You have some nerve calling this miserable little thing a warrior,” Vegeta spat.

“Aw, come on Vegeta. He’s still a cub, you can’t exactly demand he present himself like an adult warrior. He’s still learning. Besides, Raditz is right,” said Nappa. “At least give him some more time if you're dissatisfied with his current power."

Vegeta eyed Gohan again. “Does he even have any warrior skills?”

“Yes, he can form basic energy attacks already,” Raditz quickly attested. “And he can shield himself from attack... but he still needs time to prepare for that.”

Vegeta arched an eyebrow in doubt.

“Let’s test him then. If he can indeed do what you claim, then I’ll let him continue training,” he ordained.

Raditz and Nappa shared a look, but otherwise did not betray that they had anticipated Vegeta’s decision.  
  
“Allow me,” Nappa offered.

Vegeta just nodded to give his approval.

As Raditz moved away to stand next to Vegeta, Nappa raised his hand almost lazily and directed an energy attack towards Gohan. It was by no means a strong beam because Nappa was aware of Gohan’s current abilities beforehand. He was mindful of the boy’s limits and the attack, while certainly challenging, posed little danger. Contrary to Vegeta, who acted like he couldn't care less, Nappa kept in contact with Raditz the whole time, both providing his insight and staying informed about the boy’s progress.

Gohan had barely enough time to raise his shield before Nappa’s obviously effortless attack almost blew it away.

Unfortunately Nappa did not give Gohan time to breathe before he attacked again. This time, he came in with his fists rather than an energy beam. He moved unbelievably fast and despite the fact Gohan could see the movement, he didn't have enough time to counter. In the blink of an eye, he flew, carried by the force of the impact. However, the fact that Gohan had noticed the assault gave him a slight advantage as he maintained a shield around himself. At least it cushioned him somewhat.

He managed to adjust his body so he fell safely to the ground and sprang back to his feet without much delay.

“Colour me impressed,” Nappa grinned. “You've managed to see me coming. Now, hit me with what you got."

Gohan raised his hand and concentrated energy between his fingers, like Raditz taught him to do. He could form a quicker and more straightforward blast out of his outreached palm, but using his fingers- which required more finesse- allowed him more control over the trajectory of his attack. Not to mention, he could actually concentrate more energy into one point that way. Using the palm to release energy was like turning on a faucet for a short while. In comparison, using his fingers to gather energy was like blocking a stream for a while and then letting it go after the pressure had risen. He figured that a more complex attack would make a better impression.

The bright beam that emerged out his hand wasn't as vivid in colour as the attacks he had seen other fighters produce. The saturation of the light was too pale to be considered blue. It appeared gray.

The attack hit Nappa in the knee, but he just laughed it off.

Gohan was sure he was done for now. He did not have any more energy to spare. He could not produce any more energy beams, let alone raise a shield, and his small body shook with exhaustion.

He stood facing a powerful Saiyan, all small and weak-looking. His scrawny limbs were exposed due to how torn and tattered his clothes had become in last couple of weeks, and they were covered in scratches and bruises. His face looked almost blank but his eyes appeared scared and desperate, and the corners of his mouth quivered from exhaustion. He was sure Nappa's next attack would wreck him hard. But it didn't happen.

Instead, Nappa looked to Vegeta.

"Whatever," said Vegeta, and turned towards his pod. "You can train him if you want and we'll see how strong he is by the end of our next purge," he tossed in Raditz's direction. Then he entered his craft and started preparations for departure.

Nappa approached Gohan and then bowed down to pat him on the head. “Well done, young warrior, your progress is quite amazing for someone of your class. Be proud.”

“You told me I’m weak?” Gohan turned to Raditz with a shy note of accusation in his voice.

“You are,” Raditz and Nappa said simultaneously.

“You’re still weaker than almost every Saiyan cub your age,” Nappa explained. “But since Raditz started your training you’ve grown in power quicker than we expected. And that's good.”

“Not to mention you have an aptitude for energy manipulation,” Raditz cut in.

“You do it better than most brats your age, despite your disappointing power level," Nappa agreed before he too went to his space pod.

Gohan wasn't sure what to think about the Saiyans' approval. Nappa and even Raditz seemed content with him and Vegeta, apparently had decided to tolerate his presence... at least for now. But was Gohan supposed to be happy about the outcome of his test? What did it really mean for him?

“You are going to help me with work on our next stop,” Raditz proclaimed cheerfully.

Gohan's shoulders slumped. He knew what that implied.

Raditz picked him up and carried him under one arm towards his space pod. What was it with Raditz and carrying him around anyway? One could think he actually liked carrying Gohan. For his part, Gohan wasn't usually too thrilled about it. Raditz wasn't prone to paying attention to the child's comfort, but this time he felt glad he wouldn't have to drag his legs along.

Gohan was so exhausted after the ‘test’ that he fell asleep on Raditz lap immediately after they became seated in the pod. Even the starting procedures didn't wake him up. He was sound asleep for a second time while leaving a planet. He was not aware of the hand that carefully secured him in place so he could sleep undisturbed through the launch. He didn't wake up either when the hand moved to his head to brush his hair, but instead a tail wrapped itself around his body to support him while he snoozed.

In his dreams he was somewhere else with someone else. Too tired for internal conflict, he slept peacefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey fellas, Happy Easter or other seasonal Holiday you may celebrate. 
> 
> I'll go ahead and post the next chapter soon as a Holiday present.


	7. Planet Landrine: Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The new planet felt even heavier than the one they had left behind. But Gohan adjusted to the gravity change with more ease than the first time around. The air smelled completely different - the scent of hard, fruity candies, too thick to be pleasant. He was much more aware of the olfactory signals now than he had been before."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holiday of your choice 
> 
> Special thanks to [Over8000](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Over8000/pseuds/Over8000) for beta reading. 

When they arrived on the next planet Raditz left Gohan alone once again in a desolated area.  
  
"Go explore on your own. Get used to environment," he commanded. "I'll check on you soon enough. Initial battles are going to be too hard for you. We always take out the toughest opponents the planet has to offer first. Once it's over you'll help me with regular stuff. Train now. I expect you to be in the top form when I return."  
  
Gohan obeyed Raditz's instructions diligently. He didn't mind the harsh training regime. It was easier to sleep when he was too exhausted to think. On the other hand, exploring an unfamiliar place was an adventure. Gohan was grateful he was given the time to do so. He wasn't terrified of everything any more, unlike during his first visit on an alien world. Oh, sure he got scared easily of any prospective danger and he was generally quite cautious. But no longer was he subjected to the constant fright that had accompanied him during the first days of his stay on the previous planet. He felt himself capable of surviving in the wilderness and braving at least some dangers.  
  
The new planet felt even heavier than the one they had left behind. But Gohan adjusted to the gravity change with more ease than the first time around. The air smelled completely different - the scent of hard, fruity candies, too thick to be pleasant. He was much more aware of the olfactory signals now than he had been before. Thanks to Raditz's teaching he could distinguish and identify more things by smell or taste than he had been able to while he was still living on Earth. The heavy smell of the planet's air was so dominant and overpowering that it was exhausting to even try to breathe it. He just hoped it would be clearer in other parts of the planet.  
  
The smell came from the plants, which didn't resemble any vegetation Gohan had seen before. They looked like haphazard bundles of string. The fruits growing on them looked like drops of liquid. The foliage felt like coarse wool to the touch. It would probably make an itchy sweater! When Gohan tried to make a bundle, it behaved like a squishy sponge. When the foliage was dense enough he could bounce on the top of it. Jumping on dense tree size lumps was fun, but climbing was a little difficult. From time to time, he landed in a less dense spot and had to climb out the hole he made, which was like trying to escape from very soft quicksand. Some species had even thinner, softer "leaves", which felt like cobwebs, except that they weren't sticky.  
  
Gohan's new main source of food were multicoloured insects the size of rabbits, which were also the favourite meals of six-legged reptilians. The latter, Gohan decided, were still too big to hunt on his own. It was a shame because the insects didn't exactly taste the best and any attempt to cook them rendered their meat virtually inedible. Despite the poor taste, they were so nutritious that he felt satisfied after eating them anyways. He could also eat the fruit to keep hydrated; fresh water was really difficult to locate. All he found were muddy puddles of rainwater blooming with algae and teeming with all sorts of crawly creatures. It made Gohan's stomach revolt. The smell was even worse. It seemed to resemble the ever-present odour of the plants, only more potent, but there was something about it that made him feel unsettled. Raditz had explained that it meant there was something dangerous for Gohan in those puddles and his instincts were warning him, even if he lacked the knowledge or experience to identify what the danger was.  
  
Gohan also dug up some roots, but none seemed edible.  
  
When Raditz came by few 'days' later, he was covered in blood. Fortunately (or not), most of it wasn't his. He just dropped in for a moment, left brief instructions about Gohan’s training regime, answered some quick questions about the environment and was away again. For the rest of the time Gohan was left to his own devices. That gave him some time to think. On one hand, the fact that he didn’t have to kill anyone just yet was a huge relief, but on the other it didn’t provide him much comfort because he knew he would have to do it soon. That thought made him sick to his core.  
  
Gohan wondered what would happen to him if Raditz died. Well, Nappa would probably take over responsibility for him. But what if all the Saiyans died? Would he be just left alone on this alien planet with no one knowing where he was? It couldn't be much worse than life with the Saiyans. At least he wouldn't be forced to kill any more people and he could probably survive one his own with what he had already learned. Probably.

But the prospect of Raditz dying still worried him. He dreaded being left all alone.  
  
Raditz showed up a few more times just to check on him before he finally took Gohan along.  
  
***  
It could be a village or a small town. Houses with conical roofs huddled closely together. They gleamed in the light of the suns and were decorated with shiny, glassy pebbles - pink, purple and sometimes blue - giving the place a wondrous, fairy tale-like appearance. The fantastic appearance was made complete by the surrounding vegetation. The crops cultivated near the village consisted of low, cotton candy-like bushes adorned with translucent heart-shaped fruits.  
  
Colourful and feathered creatures, inhabitants of the settlement, moved between the houses busy with their everyday life. Their chattering and tweeting filled the air. The villagers had not noticed their enemies hovering over their dwellings yet. Maybe they weren't even aware of the invasion at all, or if they were they simply did not think it likely that invaders would have any interest in their remote settlement.  
  
Raditz thought it would be a perfect place for Gohan to try out his power in combat for the first time. His scouter didn't detect any large power sources, natural or otherwise, so Raditz didn't predict any dangers in the small settlement, just routine work.  
  
He currently hovered in a leisurely manner above the natives’ village so the cub on his back could survey the situation. He knew Gohan was stressed. He could smell it. The cub’s movements also betrayed how unsettled he was. Raditz thought the cub must be giddy with excitement before the fight and probably uncertain about how well he would do. After all, it was new for him. To be honest. Raditz didn't expect much from him: maybe two or three kills and some wounded. There was also a chance that Gohan might overexert himself and collapse; that would be fine. It was just a learning exercise. He decided there was no point in waiting any longer. Raditz scanned the area for the last time and then descended to the ground inside the circle of the houses.  
  
Raditz signalled Gohan to jump down. The cub took position behind him as he had been instructed.  
  
Meanwhile, their appearance caused quite a commotion among the villagers. The noises among them changed from everyday chatter to alarmed shouts. As it turned out, the Landrinians were quite easy to intimidate. Fuelled by fright, they could attack the Saiyans with their nasty claws, but all the bigger power levels had been taken down already. The most that Raditz and Gohan might run into were low level warriors, but apparently not here. The inhabitants flew from the attacking Saiyans in their panic. They hardly showed any direction or coherent thought. Either they had gotten word about the invasion already or they really weren't used to strangers. Raditz thought idly that instinct might have let some escape with their lives, if not for the fact the Saiyans were here to purge. Now, the most the villagers could hope for was prolonging the inevitable.  
  
Raditz started to fire energy beams at the aliens, killing the much weaker beings swiftly. He paid more attention to the cub's progress than to his own work. After all, he could always kill any escaping natives later.  
  
Gohan fired several beams, but he just managed to hit a few enemies.  
  
The scents of smoke and dying alien creatures overwhelmed Gohan's senses. He felt weak. He tried to follow in Raditz's footsteps, but his legs refused to listen to his brain. The nausea he had felt for some time become more and more powerful. He bent over and hurled out most of the contents of his stomach. He knelt and supported himself with his weak hands, but still his face almost fell to the ground. His hair became soiled with puke from the murky puddle he had produced and he couldn't stop the vicious coughing. The sour taste of bile mixed with smoke filled his mouth.  
  
"Did you eat something you haven't tried before," Raditz asked.  
  
"No" Gohan managed to cough.  
  
"Not an upset stomach then,” Raditz pronounced. “Can you stand?"  
  
Gohan wasn't sure, but he tried anyway. He stood up shakily. "Yes."  
  
"Good."  
  
Raditz honestly wasn't surprised. The cub’s body wasn't able to deal will all the new and powerful sensory signals all at once. Raditz anticipated that Gohan might need some time to adjust to the new work. It was obvious the boy was ashamed of himself. Raditz supposed this was because Gohan understood the lessons about not showing weaknesses.  
  
Raditz felt some sympathy for Gohan, but didn't let it show. He stood up, grabbed the child and flew away. After a moment, he descended again and dropped Gohan onto a nearby field.  
  
"Wait for me here," Raditz gave the order without even looking at Gohan. "If you find something safe to drink go for it, but don't eat anything yet. Let your stomach settle," he instructed.  
  
He went back and finished murdering everyone in the village.  
  
After some consideration, Raditz decided that Gohan needed more time to recover before he could be ready for the next task. It was obvious the child wouldn't be able to handle purging another village this day. Raditz decided to finish off all other settlements in the vicinity before fetching Gohan again. The cub could wait. After all, now there were no dangers nearby.  
  
***  
  
Raditz stretched out in the nest. His discarded armor laid nearby. It was good to take it off for the night. Even though it didn't constrict his movements too much, sleeping in it always made him stiff and- outside of the controlled environment of the pod- wearing it for too long gave him blisters. The planet’s fibrous plants made a nice, soft bed and a thick layer of it served to protect them from the chill coming from the ground. Other branches, surrounding the center, served as a windbreak. The weather was bound to be good so he didn't bother constructing a roof.  
  
Gohan sat at the edge of the nest. He looked uncertain and forlorn. Raditz watched the cub to see what he would do. It was the first time they had spent a night in the same place. During Gohan’s training, the cub had stayed by the pod but now, since the brat was supposed to work with him, it was more practical to camp together.  
  
"You can come closer if you want," Raditz offered. Gohan looked at him but didn't move.  
  
"As you wish." Raditz sighed. He was used to sleeping alone. During their missions. the three Saiyans often split up to cover ground faster. One of the downsides to this was they did not have the comfort of sleeping next to each other. Or at least he and Nappa were denied that comfort and they both hated it. Vegeta didn't want to sleep by them anyway.  
  
The cold, rocky deserts of Planet Vegeta had not provided enough fuel to keep Saiyan households warm. The stone dwellings of old gave some protection from the freezing nights and howling winds of the wastelands, but it was not enough to ward off the cold at night. That was why they always slept together. Raditz remembered how warm and comfortable it was to share a sleeping place with his nest-siblings. Solar and wind technologies inherited from Tuffles, which came into use when Raditz was a mere toddler, did not cause them to change this tradition. They kept sharing nests even after an electric heating system had been installed in their old stone home and even later when the house was moved from the desert to the city. A nest filled with the familiar scents of other Saiyans felt like the safest place in the universe, so sleeping alone at first seemed unnatural. It felt like a punishment. Now Raditz was used to it.  
  
Raditz found it surprising that Gohan still remained wary of him. The cub should have been used to his presence by now. Instead, he treated Raditz like a stranger. In truth he was a little disappointed that Gohan kept the distance between them. But at least he didn't need to worry for the child's safety during the night. He had checked the surroundings with his scouter and there was nothing that could pose any threat nearby. And it wasn't cold either, so there was no danger of hypothermia or frostbite. Forcing proximity was pointless, it would only make the already apprehensive child more nervous.  
  
Raditz shook his head when the cub buried himself in the soft bedding of the nest to keep warm. He'd be much better off if he just came to sleep in the center of the nest with Raditz.  
  
***  
Days passed and people died. Some stayed in their pristine settlements, unaware or in denial of what was happening on their planet. Others attempted to hide. It didn't matter. Whether in caves or catacombs, in desolated wastes or lush jungles, and even in the most ingenious, hideouts carefully built just for this purpose… Death would find them all.  
  
The Landrinians didn't know why they were being killed, but it didn't matter. There would be no one left, no one who would have to deal with memories of the massacre. There would be no one who would need to make sense of what had happened and no one left to understand. The universe had become smaller and no one was the wiser.  
  
Gohan could barely comprehend what was going on. He had trouble adjusting to the 'work'. He tried to do whatever Raditz instructed him to do no matter how much he despised himself for it, but he would just and up vomiting, eyes blurry with tears.  
  
Gohan collapsed on the ground. This time he didn't even try to get back up. He felt the bile rising in his throat again. His head hurt.  
  
"Get up," Raditz ordered.  
  
"I don't want to," Gohan mumbled. There was no point in trying. He was tired. He wasn't comfortable at all, but perhaps he would pass out as he laid there. Perhaps he would lay and sleep and sleep... and just never wake up. Then he wouldn't need to deal with this anymore.  
  
"Get up!"  
  
Gohan wrapped his arms around his head and covered his ears. He hoped Raditz would go away and leave him alone. No such luck. Raditz kicked the lying child hard enough to make him roll over and bounce off the ground a couple of times. Gohan started to stir. For a moment, it seemed like he was going to get up, but then the boy just turned his head in another direction.  
  
"That won't do. If you stay on the ground, people will trot on you." He kicked Gohan again, but with less force. "Now get up."  
  
Gohan knew that Raditz would not let him be, so he came to a kneeling position.  
  
Raditz leaned over Gohan and grabbed his hair to pull the boy up to a standing position. He retained a firm grip until Gohan steadied on his legs. Only then did he let the boy go and return to his work. He did not give any further instructions.  
  
Gohan took the moment of respite to look around. Smoke rose from damaged houses, the scared shouts of people and the cries of animals sounded further and further away.  
  
A sense of failure, mixed with guilt, washed over Gohan. He felt like he wasn't meeting expectations, specifically Raditz's expectations. But why he cared about what Raditz wanted at all eluded Gohan. It wasn't just because he feared punishment. Feeling that way just didn't make any sense. At the same time, he felt incredibly guilty about what Raditz had been making him do. Gohan believed he should have resisted. He shouldn't have killed anyone, regardless how much Raditz had shouted and beaten him. He was so glad that his parents didn't know about what he was doing; he was so ashamed. But ultimately he was too afraid to oppose Raditz. As much as the thought of punishment scared him, the uncertainty of what might happen if he actually gathered enough courage to stand up to Raditz frightened him even more. He knew he might be killed, but that thought was too abstract to grasp. He could also be left behind...  
  
Gohan wasn't quite sure what he was supposed to do in the middle of a slaughtered village. After all, he was left with no clear instructions. He really didn't want to be there. Eventually he set out in search of something to drink, both to satisfy his thirst and to soothe his aching mouth. Besides, Raditz wouldn't have any objections if he wandered a little. During the time they had spent together Gohan came to understand that, unlike Mom, Raditz did not expect him to wait in exactly the same spot he had been left.  
  
Raditz pondered the events from earlier. Maybe Gohan had become discouraged because he had performed so poorly. Perhaps it was too early to expect the cub to do the job. The purges had provided a lot of powerful sensory stimuli and young cubs were so easily excitable. Not that it was particularly exciting work after the initial battles. Once the strongest enemies had been defeated, it was rather boring. Only experiencing the new places, plants and animals provided some entertainment.  
  
However, for a young and sheltered child the sheer excitement from powerful and often unpleasant smells and sounds could prove to be too much. There wasn't really anything Raditz could do about that, and it frustrated him. If it had been a motivation problem then he could have punished Gohan to show him error of his ways, or promised him a reward for fulfilling the task. But Raditz couldn't teach Gohan how to ignore his senses. That came with practice and it wasn't something he could possibly explain. The only way to train endurance was through exposure over time. There were no shortcuts.  
  
The purge took more time than it should have, because the Landrinians took their chance to escape while Raditz dealt with Gohan. Once he finished the tedious job of tracking down and murdering the fleeing villagers, Raditz decided he’d had done enough for the day. He would get the cub and they would catch their dinner.. Gods, he was sore from the constant use of his powers.  
  
***  
It wasn't a real evening. The dim red sun had been setting for at least three days now, drawing slowly closer to the horizon. Or maybe it just appeared that way as Raditz and Gohan had been changing locations. The other two, brighter suns, which had more frequent and regular rhythms, had already set. It was pretty dim with only one weak sun. You could probably call it a night-time.  
  
Raditz and Gohan had already eaten and settled in for the night's rest.  
  
Gohan squatted on the ground and clutched his legs to his chest. On the other side of the bonfire Raditz arranged a makeshift nest.  
  
Gohan felt tired and lonely. He wanted to forget all the happenings of the day. He wished to erase the past few weeks. Tears came to his eyes. He tried to suppressed and conceal them the best he could, but with little success. The chilly air did not help. He quivered. Drowned in his own misery, he lost the track of reality around him. He just wished to be home.  
  
"I miss my mom," Gohan sighed to himself. A moment later, he realized Raditz was leaning over him.  
  
"Me too, brat. Me too," said Raditz.  
  
Gohan bowed his head even lower, held his breath and braced himself for a strike.  
  
It did not come. Instead a pair of strong calloused hands lifted Gohan from the ground. Raditz gathered the small child in his arms and held him close to his chest. When Gohan risked a glance, Raditz looked away.  
  
Raditz did not know how to respond to Gohan’s show of emotion. Usually he would beat up the cub to teach him not to cry without thinking much about it. But tonight something about the situation struck a chord within him. Raditz wasn't really angry or irritated since Gohan was being quiet. He could tell, though, the cub had been trying to conceal tears and his slight jerking movements were in fact suppressed cries. Raditz did not approved much of crying, but Gohan was still a very young cub. At least Gohan was trying to act like a proper Saiyan by hiding his sorrow. That had to count for something.  
  
Raditz wasn't the most compassionate person in the galaxy. Not by a long shot. There was little sympathy left in him after all the harsh and unforgiving years but it was still there, hidden somewhere deep down within his soul.  
  
Raditz could understand. He knew how it felt to lose one’s mother and one’s home. He couldn't really expect the child to be completely indifferent to something like that, especially one so young. Even if Gohan's mother was still alive, the chances of the cub returning home were virtually non-existent at this point. From Gohan's perspective, she might as well have been dead. It was completely unrealistic to expect such a young whelp to not feel sadness in this situation. Cubs could be overwhelmed by emotions more easily than adults. Maybe it was because they had little experience or maybe their bodies were just too small. Tears were the body’s natural response to powerful emotions. It was simple as that, a physiological fact.  
  
Yet on the other hand, openly displaying his pain like that was an invitation for others to exploit it. That would inevitably lead to more hurt.  
  
Raditz wanted to do something that would make the cub feel less lonely. Loneliness was a feeling he knew all too well and he wanted Gohan to know that he was not alone.  
  
Raditz decided if he simply refused to acknowledge the fact that Gohan was weeping, the child would not get the idea that crying was acceptable. So Raditz pointedly looked anywhere but at the cub in his arms. The boy’s small body felt rigid in his embrace. He could smell tears and the child's distress along with a slight whiff of shame.  
  
This sudden show of compassion was unexpected. Gohan knew that Raditz was pretending not to notice his weeping, but he had to notice. So why would he choose not to chastise Gohan for it? Gohan intuitively suspected Raditz would beat him up in retribution if he was forced to admit that he knew Gohan was crying. But instead here he was... comforting Gohan. Raditz showed no signs of being angry or displeased with Gohan. Of that, the boy was sure.  
  
Gohan relaxed a little and began to breathe normally again. Maybe, Gohan pondered, this situation was very unusual for Raditz. It was likely he had never comforted anyone before, and he did not really know how to. Given what Gohan knew about Raditz, it seemed plausible. That would explain why he was so awkward about it.  
  
Once the shock of being embraced by Raditz wore off, Gohan realized he was quite comfortable. Raditz held him firmly but had given him enough space so he did not feel constricted. It seemed that he could escape Raditz’s grasp if he wanted to just by slipping away. Of course, he did not know how Raditz might react to such attempt.  
  
Raditz was not trustworthy. Gohan knew he should free himself from his uncle’s embrace. But here was the thing: he didn't want to.  
  
True, Raditz did not smell like daisies, but he was warm. Gohan did not feel quite so exposed and vulnerable sheltered by Raditz’s broad chest and thick arms. He felt... safer... in there. It felt like he was protected from outside dangers. And, despite Raditz's obvious lack of aptitude for comforting anyone, Gohan felt comforted.  
  
Gohan was too small, too young, too much in the need of closeness and comfort to maintain the walls. He could not keep himself on guard against Raditz any longer.  
  
Gohan moved to reciprocate the embrace. He stretched out his small arms and wrapped them around Raditz’s torso then pressed his face against Raditz’s chest He tried to stop tears from falling, but strangely enough it was harder to stop them now that he had received kindness and some measure of understanding.  
  
The cub in Raditz’s arms was calmer now and his breathing evened out. His small frame still shook a little, but each shake was weaker than the last one. Raditz could still feel moisture below his collarbone, where the child's cheek rested, so he assumed that tears continued to run.

  
Raditz sat down in front of the fire. He still held Gohan securely in his arms. He did not really know if he should talk to the boy, but decided not to. For once, he did not know what to say.

After a while, Raditz felt the cub in his arms stir. However it felt like the boy was making himself more comfortable and not an attempt to escape. It brought a smile to his face. He did not know why. Was it because the cub had responded positively to the embrace and closeness?  
  
Raditz looked down. He knew the boy's face would still be hidden. Raditz could feel wetness where Gohan’s cheek had touched his skin. His chest had been smeared with tears and other substances normally produced by a weeping child, but he did not mind. The cub was still crying. It did not bother him as much as he had thought it would, and not for the reasons he expected.  
  
Raditz just didn't like the fact that cub was hurting. He couldn’t quite figure out why.  
  
Raditz had not been aware that the boy had a mother when he had taken Gohan from Earth. He felt a little bad about taking the cub away from his home and from her. He understood all too well the pain one suffered in such a situation, but felt little guilt about doing so because it couldn't be helped. Whoever had been raising Gohan before obviously didn’t do a good job. Raditz honestly couldn't blame the boy's mother, though. For all he knew, the Earthling had taken care of Gohan according to her people's sensibilities. But Earth teachings were not appropriate for a Saiyan cub. It was for the best that Raditz had happened to find the cub alongside Kakarot. Now he could educate Gohan properly, or at least the best he could given the situation. Raising a Saiyan in such a small group and in the absence of other children was virtually unprecedented.  
  
It would have been much easier if Kakarot had been more sensible. If only he had not gotten himself killed! Sure, Raditz would then have two younger Saiyans to educate, but Kakarot must had had at least most rudimentary survival skills, not to mention fighting techniques. Certainly they could have shared the responsibility of watching over the cub and ensuring his survival. It would have been so much better. The child would have felt less lonely and torn away from his previous home. Raditz did not kid himself, he was putting Gohan through a lot at once. He had to. If the boy was to be allowed to live and if he could actually survive, he needed to be able to learn the things his previous caretaker had neglected to teach him. And he needed to do it fast. On top of that, Raditz had other duties.  
  
It was necessary to remove the boy from his environment. But in hindsight, such a sudden and forced separation from everything he knew was so unnecessary. It would have been much easier for Gohan if there was someone familiar around, someone he knew he could trust. Raditz understood that Gohana did not trust him and he couldn't honestly blame the child. It was for the best that the cub was wary around new people. He would be less likely to get hurt, but at the same time Raditz was growing tired having to deal with a cub who was constantly on guard around him. And it put unnecessary stress on Gohan, as if he didn't had enough to put up with.

“Damn that fool Kakarot,” Raditz thought. “it's all his fault.”  
  
If only there were more cubs around. Everyone knew that brats did not grow up so well alone. They learned quicker when they were in a group. And they were simply happier. Even when the adults had sent weak a cubs off planet, or abandoned them on enemy territory in days before space travel, they had usually tried to put them in couples whenever possible. Being sent alone was huge handicap.  
  
Maybe if Kakarot hadn't been sent out alone he wouldn't have failed his mission. In that case, Gohan wouldn't have been born and they wouldn't have discovered that interbreeding with Earthlings was possible. And...  
  
But it was all pointless divagation at this point anyway.  
  
The cub in his arms settled down completely. The tears died down. The breathing became even and slow. Raditz thought the boy must had dozed off. It was time to sleep. There was no use pondering senseless thoughts any more. There was work to be done tomorrow.  
  
Raditz stood up, careful not to disturb the sleeping child, and went to the makeshift nest he had prepared earlier. He laid down, still supporting Gohan's meagre weight in his embrace. Why did this cub weigh so little? He let boy's head rest on his biceps and finally looked at Gohan’s face. It was sticky and stained with the evidence of earlier crying all too apparent on the not-so-clean skin of the child’s face.  
  
The movement did not wake Gohan completely, but he became somewhat conscious of his immediate surroundings. Someone strong had been holding him. The scent was definitely familiar, but in his half asleep state he could not quite place it. He was warm and comfortable. He didn't remember where he was and what he had been doing before falling asleep, but at the moment it didn't matter. He felt safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure when the next chapter is going to be. If you want you can[this story on my tumblr](http://darkfalcon-z.tumblr.com/post/161887989616/you-cannot-take-it-back-make-it-undone) for additional materials, like doodles, fanart, or headcanons. 


	8. Planet Landrine: Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Every morning, they spent a significant amount of time on daily grooming. Raditz was actually quite particular about hygiene. He just didn't look at it in the same way Mom did. In fact, Mom would probably start to hyperventilate and need have to lay down for some time if ever confronted with Raditz's notion of ‘hygiene’."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to [Over8000](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Over8000/pseuds/Over8000) for beta reading. 

Gohan woke slowly and noticed that something seemed different this morning. Unlike previous days, he wasn't shuddering from cold, the smell was different, and something really warm and quite massive was wrapped around him. Something living and breathing. The calm rhythm of another’s breath and the surrounding warmth made him doze again before he figured it out. Soon he woke for good, still in this wonderfully comfortable and warm place.

He laid next to Raditz, basically in the latter’s embrace. Raditz's hair covered both of them like a blanket. He was sheltered by Raditz chest and arms and his head rested on the other’s biceps. But he wasn't squished. In fact. there was enough room for him to get away if he wanted to.

There was probably no harm in staying where he was. It was so calm and comfortable! Gohan really didn't want the day to start yet. Unfortunately he must had stirred because Raditz woke up. He moved some of the hair away and a gust of colder air hit Gohan's face.

"You awake?" Raditz looked at Gohan through half-lidded eyes.

"Yes," Gohan answered in whisper, because he didn't want to ruin the quiet moment.

Raditz yawned and gave Gohan a half smile. He seemed to be in an okay mood. This relieved Gohan, who wasn't sure if he would be punished for crying last night, even though Raditz hadn't shown any anger earlier.

"Guess we need to get up. A breakfast would be nice. What'd you say?"

"mhm... food." Gohan was, in fact, getting hungry.

Raditz turned over on his back and chuckled.

Gohan sat up. He scratched his itching head. He wasn't sure if the unpleasant sensation was caused by insect bites or by the fact he hadn't washed his hair in a long time. Gohan had already tried washing it in a stream during the Saiyans’ stay on planet Skwash, but the water had been cold and he didn't have any shampoo. It only made the state of his hair worse. Asking Raditz wasn't much help, since he didn't know what shampoo was. However he always assisted in removing insects from Gohan’s scalp.

"Gohan..." Raditz laid an hand on his shoulder and interrupted Gohan’s thoughts. "... you can't show weakness in front of people. They WILL go for it and hurt you if you do." He crouched right in front of Gohan, which was unusual, and looked at him intensely. Gohan fidgeted and shifted back slightly. The extraordinary behaviour made him feel a bit like a deer caught in headlights.

"I... yes..." he managed to spit out.

"I'm here," Raditz said, an earnest expression on his face. "I'm with you."

Gohan understood this was meant as reassurance, but he wasn't entirely certain what Raditz meant by it. The way he saw it, Raditz was all too willing to hurt him as well. He nodded, keeping his eyes on Raditz face. This response seemed to satisfy Raditz because he cracked a tiny smile.

Raditz leaned forward and pressed the side of his face against Gohan’s for a very brief moment, but before Gohan could make sense of this action and respond in any way, he broke the contact and stood up.

"Let's go catch breakfast. We have work to do." They soon left without bothering to clean up their camp: the disarrayed nest, the remnants of bonfire and their previous meals littered the site. They weren’t going back anyway.

The rest of the day was as miserable as the previous one, and just like every day in the previous weeks had been. Smoke and dust caused Gohan’s eyes to tear up. The smells of slaughter made him more and more ill as did the sight of dying people. Raditz preferred to kill his victims quickly, so at least most of them didn’t suffer. But Gohan still tend to botch the job more often than not. As a result he was forced to see them die slow, painful deaths. Once Gohan tried to lessen the suffering of an injured Landrinian who had not died immediately due to his inept shot. Raditz dragged him away and berated him for the unnecessary loss of time and energy. Even hours after the battle was done, Gohan still heard the gurgling and pained noises of the creature gasping for breath in his mind.

The day left Gohan sad and exhausted, aching for the slightest bit of comfort and respite from the hell that surrounded him even though- or more likely because- his hands had helped to bring this particular hell into existence.

***  
It was time to rest again after a long day. Finally. Raditz stretched out in their newly built nest. He turned to his side to watch the cub. Gohan sat on the edge of the nest again. His tail swayed in a manner that indicated the cub was uncertain what to do.

"Come here," Raditz motioned with one hand. "You'll be warmer and comfier."

Hesitantly, Gohan crawled to him and laid down by his side. His small body remained tense and his wide eyes kept darting to Raditz face and away.

Raditz reached out and started to slowly, gently stroke Gohan’s hair to soothe the cub. He knew that Gohan’s hair had a different texture than a typical Saiyan, even if one considered that children usually had softer hair than adults, Gohan's tresses were still more delicate and tangled up more easily. Raditz already had noticed it wasn't coated properly, and he figured that Gohan's former caretakers had done something to remove the natural oily coating. Fortunately whatever had been done had not damaged the scalp’s ability to produce oils, and the child's hair was steadily regaining its normal coating. Then Raditz dug his fingers in Gohan's mop to massage his scalp. Time and again, he needed to untangle mats. He proceeded gently, so not to disturb the resting child. Hopefully the extra stimulation would cause the skin glands to produce oils faster. Raditz thought that, with his hair in such a disastrous state, Gohan looked like a Flying Child - like he had been abandoned. This idea was reinforced by how skinny the boy was. By his observations, Raditz could tell that Gohan's overall well being needed more attention.

Soon Gohan relaxed and moved even closer to him.

"See, it's better," Raditz murmured. Finally the cub was starting to treat him with a dose of familiarity. That simple act made Raditz’s face light up with a smile, and he didn’t even realize that his expression had changed.

It was good to have another Saiyan to keep him company even if that Saiyan was a weak and frail cub. Raditz had a hard time admitting - even to himself- that before the test at the end of their previous purge, he had been afraid of the impression the child might make on him. He had not wanted to risk developing any sort of relationship between the two of them and had limited contact with Gohan on purpose. That way if the child died, Raditz wouldn’t have been disappointed or upset by the loss.

Raditz had lost strong relationships in the past when Planet Vegeta had been destroyed, and it had hurt immensely. So he didn’t even want to risk acknowledging the child’s name. It would be much easier to forget about a nameless creature. Raditz knew he couldn't avoid the risk forever, but he couldn't bring himself to take it right away. To keep himself safe, he had waited until the risk dropped to an acceptable level.

But since the test the child had been put through on Planet Skwash, Raditz really allowed himself to believe it was likely that Gohan would survive and stay on as a part of their group. It was a very comforting notion. It meant they were going to have one more member in their company but it also meant there was hope for the future. Maybe they weren't going to be last generation of their kind. Maybe someone would be around to tell their names and their deeds to the future after all.

Raditz coiled his tail around Gohan's tiny frame and wrapped his hair around both of them to ward off the cold night air. Gohan had fallen asleep already. The child’s smell was good since he settled down. Raditz inhaled deeply. It was calming. The scent of the sleeping cub brought back the memories of sharing a nest with other young Saiyans back home.

Before he arrived on Earth, Raditz had expected that he would need to take the role of teacher because Kakarot, left on that gods-forsaken planet, had not been brought up and trained in the proper Saiyan way. Raditz hadn't known what state he would find his brother in. Space pods for the infants were equipped with learning modules, but they were meant to house small children for a few years and teach basic skills, not as a lifelong support for a growing Saiyan.

Oh, sure Raditz had been hoping for the best. Perhaps the mudball would provide Kakarot with learning opportunities of its own. But it might not. Add to that many possible years of isolation... Raditz had been fully prepared to find that his brother might not be able to put together a coherent sentence and would require constant supervision around other people. He also assumed Kakarot was strong enough to hold his own in a fight and capable of surviving in the wilderness with minimum instructions or demonstrations. The possibility that Kakarot might had made some sort of connection with Earth's inhabitants had barely crossed Raditz’s mind. He surely hadn't considered his brother might have straight-up joined the natives.

But even then Raditz had never in his wildest dreams expected to find a child. A CHILD. He felt too old for the role of nest brother, especially for a very young and untrained cub. Such a small, weak and inexperienced Saiyan needed a lot of care and attention. There were simply too few of them left to give adequate care. Plus they all were adults.

The Saiyan model of raising children was based on placing the kid with a herd of other brats and letting them be. Often brats needed someone to supervise them; that was largely limited to being close enough for emergency damage control and not watching the kids the whole time. Sure, cubs had plenty of opportunities to watch and interact with older Saiyans, to ask them questions and learn from them. But for the most part they were not supposed to rely on adults in general and certainly not for their day-to-day care. That included all of the little things they needed others to do for them without which, Raditz was well aware, children could not develop properly. Even for adult Saiyans, the lack of such simple things could make life almost unbearable.

Arguably, life experience made adults good teachers, but they were too old to understand the needs of small cubs since they were supposed to grow out of THAT frame of mind. Naturally, the brunt of child care duties had fallen on Raditz shoulders, but at least this time it wasn’t only because he was the weakest member of the group. As the last member of his House, Gohan was Raditz's responsibility.

It would be better if Raditz could take time off to train the cub properly without being forced to constantly leave him behind. For now, Gohan couldn't keep up and would only slow him down. Surely, if they were given more time together, Gohan would become accustomed to him sooner and Raditz would certainly be able teach him more. But Vegeta just wouldn't allow it, especially after Raditz's prolonged absence. Not that Raditz opposed introducing the brat to his future tasks early on, but he knew it would be smarter to let Gohan adjust at his own pace.

Raditz just wanted to give Gohan the care and teaching he needed. Well, of course he wanted to! It was the best way to ensure the cub not only survived but grew stronger. It was not only his duty as the leader of his House but it would also benefit him in the long run. It would benefit ALL of them. It frustrated Raditz he couldn't do that due to circumstances. And while it was obvious it was detrimental to his goals, he just didn't know why it bothered him so much.

He felt a smaller tail wrap around his. Confusion and frustration left Raditz, replaced by a sense of warmth The cub next to him was in deep slumber. It was high time he fell asleep as well.

***  
Soon Raditz and Gohan fell into a routine. Each day started with hunting for breakfast. After the meal they took time for hair grooming, as it was easier to do it in the bright light of the morning than during eerie night times. Usually Raditz would either comment on something that had occurred during the previous day, pointing out relevant details, or he would explain what they were going to do next.

If he didn’t have anything important to say to fill the time, he would just chatter away about completely unrelated topics. He would often try to tell Saiyan legends, but he rarely managed to finish his story as the thoughts of everyday activities interrupted him or Gohan would ask him a question about titbits of Saiyan life mentioned during the retelling. Raditz seemed to enjoy talking, with one hand running gently through Gohan’s hair and the other gesticulating wildly to re-enact events in the story. Afterwards they would have a short sparring session, or alternatively Raditz would show Gohan some new technique or exercise.

If he was in a good mood, Raditz would oftentimes carry the conversation on through the sparring session, even though it meant he would basically carry it out on his own. Gohan could hardly catch a breath, let alone answer. Raditz wasn’t particularly gentle during the sparring sessions; he often left Gohan severely bruised but was cautious not to leave any more permanent injuries.

Raditz taught Gohan Forms for flying and once Gohan learned to perform them properly he sometimes would just unexpectedly grab the child, fling him unceremoniously into the air and then let him fall to the ground.

“It’s for motivation,” Raditz laughed off Gohan's protests. “Plus you get the feeling of being in the air. It’ll help when you start to fly on your own,” he claimed.

For now the only result was that Gohan learned to get his bearings quickly enough to land with a minimal amount of bruises. Gohan was sure Raditz was throwing him higher each time, but Raditz just laughed at the accusation.

Every morning Raditz took Gohan along so he could become accustomed to their work and then later dropped the boy off with instructions to train and prepare the camp for the night. They hunted together for food, but Gohan had to gather materials for building their nest and fuel to feed the fire on his own.

Gohan also collected fruits and if he managed to find something that intrigued him, he took a sample so he could ask Raditz later about it. Raditz seemed genuinely happy whenever Gohan come to him with these sort of questions and he always tried to answer them the best he could. Although, sometimes Gohan suspected Raditz made things up about alien artifacts just to keep talking. He was too shy and insecure to call Raditz out on it. Of course, Gohan had to continue with his training regime when was left on his own but he preferred that over helping Raditz with the 'job'.

When Raditz returned to their camp for the evening the first sun had usually already set and the second was about to join it. He would help Gohan arrange the nest properly and he would dig out meat from the pit they used to cook it. One time they camped near the ocean and ate fish, but it was too salty on its own and Gohan was barely able to finish his portion.

Every morning, they spent a significant amount of time on daily grooming. Raditz was actually quite particular about hygiene. He just didn't look at it in the same way Mom did. In fact, Mom would probably start to hyperventilate and need have to lay down for some time if ever confronted with Raditz's notion of ‘hygiene’.

Raditz paid particular attention to removing insects from their skin and hair. Moreover he was adamant about removing all sticky, organic substances both from the surface of the body and from clothes. He was very strict about Gohan doing it as well. As much as Raditz seemed happy to get covered in blood, he would clean up as soon as possible before it started to rot. He usually accomplished this task by licking the blood off from wherever he could reach.

The fact that it was hard to find usable water on the planet didn't seem to bother Raditz in the least. He'd use mud, dust, ash, plants' pulp or lumps of “leaves” to clean up. It baffled Gohan how one could use dirt to remove dirt, but Raditz actually managed to get clean... well, sort of. He did manage to remove most of the offending matter, but the final effect certainly didn't smell too appealing.

Gohan tried to mimic these operations with mixed results. For one thing, it was a lot harder to remove filth from his woven clothes than it was from the hard surface of Raditz’s armour. For the other, he didn't quite get the hang of removing smudges of dirt from his skin. As long as it wasn't organic matter, or more specifically animal matter, Raditz didn't pay any mind and did not chastise Gohan for improper grooming. If Raditz saw Gohan struggling with cleaning for too long he would kneel down and assist the child.

“Those clothes of yours are too impractical. I’ll get you something more appropriate soon,” Raditz fumed. He seemed almost personally offended by Gohan’s clothes and how hard it was to remove blood from them.

The idea of parting with his garb made Gohan very sad, although he could see the logic to it: silk and cotton seemed to almost suck in filth in comparison to the polymers Raditz’s outfit had been made from. Still, his clothes were the only things Gohan had from his home. They were the only link, the only physical proof. that he indeed came from Earth.

Raditz found a root of one of the local plants that helped soothe the burning caused by the insects' bites that needed to be chewed up and mixed with saliva first. Gohan followed Raditz’s example and rubbed the resulting pulp into his scalp. It definitely helped, but Gohan couldn’t help imagining the disgusted face Mom would make if she could have seen him.

***

Gohan also continued to learn more about the ancient Saiyan art of self-diagnosis. Raditz told Gohan to always examine his wounds, even the minor bruises. There was an enormous amount of information that could be learned just from palpating an injury, but it required equally substantial experience to understand the results.

As much as Gohan enjoyed practicing diagnostics, there were the parts of it that he didn’t look forward to: the smellier parts. Outside of the fact that smelling things was a relatively new skill for Gohan, as it was virtually unknown to Earthlings, what Gohan had to analyse by smell wasn’t exactly roses.  
  
“Why do I have to do it every day?” Gohan complained while poking a small pile of his own fresh poop with a long insect limb, because no sticks were available on the planet.

“Quit whining. I told you already,” Raditz grumbled. He crouched next to Gohan and supervised the boy’s examinations. “It’s an essential part of self-diagnosis. You check the smell, the colour, and the consistency to tell how healthy you are. Particularly how your body reacts to a new diet, if you digest everything properly and whether or not you are lacking anything. You also check for stuff that shouldn’t be there, like signs of parasites and blood.”

“And what if there are parasites,” Gohan asked. He felt a little anxious. Earlier they had a conversation about what nasty things parasites could do to one’s body. Contracting parasites was a considerable danger from consuming unknown food. Raditz was teaching him how to recognize the signs of infestation, but there were some indiscernible to anything short of specialised equipment. Not to mention that Gohan still lacked necessary experience to do it well.

“Then we try identify what kind of parasite it is, and how it affects our health. Don’t worry if you are infested, you’ll be almost certainly rid of it during your next trip to the disinfection chamber, likely before you even notice that something is amiss,” Raditz assured.

“But what if it’s aggressive and grows quickly?” Gohan continued the inquiry.

“We have a medical kit in the pod, there’s medications that should inhibit most of the types the parasites. And if it isn’t gone after visiting disinfection chamber, there are many other available treatments,“ Raditz answered patiently.

“We have a medical kit? Why don’t we ever use it?” Gohan was surprised. He had never even suspected they had such a thing.

“Because we don’t have to. The supplies are very limited and for emergencies only. I teach you these things so you don’t have to rely on it. Now, what can you tell about your diet?” Raditz cut off the discussion with his next question.

“I need more fibre,” Gohan declared, to which Raditz nodded approvingly.

***

Every night Gohan crawled into the nest to sleep next to Raditz. It was much more comfortable than sleeping on the edge of the nest and he didn't feel so exposed. Oddly enough, whenever Gohan drew close to Raditz the latter’s expression turned softer and his posture relaxed. Gohan could tell that Raditz wasn’t a very happy person, although it was difficult for a young child to explain what made him think that. But whenever they were close, whether in the nest or by the campfire. Raditz seemed more at ease. Raditz stroked his hair or rub his back until the stress of the day left Gohan and sleep claimed him. On occasion when he dozed off by the bonfire, he woke up in the nest by Raditz's side the following morning.

Gohan was steadily beginning to accept the new reality of his life. It wasn't a dream. He wasn't going to wake up safely in his bed. Dad wasn't going to show up and take him home. Life wasn't good. It was probably never going to be good ever again. At least in Raditz's embrace it was warm. Weirdly enough, being that close made Gohan feel safe. There was nothing on the surface of the planet that could pose a threat to Raditz except for Vegeta and Nappa; they were far away and at least nominally they weren’t enemies. Gohan felt well protected.

Gohan just sought out whatever small comfort he could find. It might have been weird to look for comfort from the person who was responsible for his misery in the first place, but there was no one else to turn to. Gohan thought he should hate Raditz, for all the things the other had done to him and to countless innocent people, but he couldn't quite muster it. Gohan never had hated anyone before. It didn't seem to come naturally to him.

And then there was the idea that his presence made Raditz a little bit happier. When he thought about that, it made Gohan warm inside, although he didn’t know why. It was a good thing- making someone who was unhappy feel better. Maybe Gohan was doing something good after all.

The days blended together and Gohan didn’t know how much time had passed. Most of the time, his reality seemed like feverish nightmare. Slowly Gohan adjusted to purging. He still felt ill but he managed to keep his composure enough as not to vomit or collapse. It scared him. He was making more kills as well and that scared him too.

One time they met up with Nappa, who stayed with them for the evening meal and the night. He seemed to be quite content and laughed loudly as he commented on Gohan's progress. Gohan dozed off shortly after he finished eating so he didn't know what Raditz and Nappa talked about, but he recalled hearing them chat through the fog of sleep. When he woke up Raditz was already up and Nappa was gone, but Gohan could clearly smell the other Saiyan's scent all over the nest.

Gohan was often too tired to pay much attention or to contemplate about what was happening, and in a way it was a blessing. But when he was able to muster enough energy, he tried to observe and learn about his -for the lack of better term- new guardian. Despite the fact Gohan spent the better part of each day alone, he and Raditz were spending much more time together now than during their stay on planet Skwash. On one hand, Gohan was relieved to not be alone all the time. It lifted his spirits to hear another person's voice and comforting to feel a presence near. On the other hand, he also felt anxious because Raditz had more occasions to be mean or violent to him. It was impossible to find any semblance of solace in crying when Raditz was around, as he would chastise Gohan for it.

As Gohan had observed earlier, Raditz would crouch beside him when they talked. Recently, he would get so close that their bodies actually touched, even though previously he had kept his distance. Gohan wondered about that change. It was oddly reassuring to feel his shoulder or arm or knee connecting to something warm and alive, to know someone else was present even if he was looking in another direction. However if they were at 'work', Raditz would avoid touching him unless absolutely necessary and would firmly pull away if Gohan got too close. In fact the way that Raditz presented himself on the battlefield was different and much more rigid than his behavior in camp even when Gohan was the only one present, not counting their victims.

But when they relaxed together by the campsite, Raditz never pushed Gohan away. At times Gohan pressed tightly up against Raditz’s arm or chest in an attempt to stop himself from crying. Raditz must had known what he was doing and why because of the way Gohan’s body shook, the rhythm of his breathing, and even his smell betrayed him. It was impossible not to notice Gohan was almost crying, but for whatever reason Raditz overlooked this behaviour. He didn't push Gohan away, he asked no questions nor did he address it in any way afterwards. He let it be without words of comfort of chastisement. At most he would readjust Gohan into more comfortable position or rub his back until the child calmed down.

It wasn't what Gohan needed. If Mom and Dad were there, they would ask Gohan what was wrong and they would assure him everything was going to be alright.

Or maybe not. Maybe they wouldn't want Gohan anymore. After all Gohan was sure his parents would strongly disapprove of what he had done. Would they excuse his actions because he didn’t do it out of his own choice? Mom and Dad were good and kind, but Gohan wasn’t like them anymore. He knew he wasn’t. He had heard that actions speak about a person’s character, and he thought his actions were abhorrent. So maybe Mom and Dad wouldn’t want a child like him. If they saw Gohan, if they knew what he did, maybe they'd just leave him with Raditz. Just thinking about it hurt. Perhaps it was better not to think about it.

***  
One evening after the two Saiyans already laid down their freshly constructed nest, Gohan hazily remembered something Raditz had mentioned at another time. Something about missing HIS mom. Raditz must have been still a kid when she died. Since she had died was there any one who would hug and kiss Raditz's forehead the same way Gohan's Mom did for him?

Gohan seriously doubted Vegeta would ever hug anyone. Maybe Nappa would hug Raditz? With that big body and large arms, he seemed like he could be good at hugging. Like Grandpa. Being kissed by Nappa couldn't have been a nice experience with that moustache of his. Gohan cringed inwardly at the thought. It would be like being kissed by Grandpa. Gohan loved his Grandpa but disliked being kissed by him, as his coarse facial hair always brushed against Gohan’s skin unpleasantly. Yet it was kind of hard to imagine Nappa actually hugging anyone. Not to mention, he was presently on another continent. Raditz was often alone, so the occasions when he could have been hugged must had been scarce.

The thought that Raditz didn't get hugs and kisses made Gohan oddly sad. Maybe Raditz was so harsh because no one hugged him or kissed his forehead? Not even when he went to bed! Maybe Raditz wanted someone to do that for him? The idea was intriguing. Spontaneously, Gohan reached out to test his hypothesis. He placed his small hand on Raditz’s cheek and waited for a reaction.

Raditz laid, supporting his head with one hand. He hadn’t looked at the child next to him, but he absentmindedly rubbed circles between Gohan's shoulder blades with his free hand. The touch on his face got Raditz’s attention. He peered down at Gohan and locked gazes with him. The cub’s expression, absent of the slightest hint of a smile or frown, was hard to interpret. Gohan’s lips were slightly parted as if he wanted to say something, but wasn’t sure what, and his eyes were wide open. Apparently Gohan had touched him to get his attention and then watched to see his reaction, but Raditz had no idea what Gohan expected of him. He moved his hand and placed it over the tiny one resting on his face for a moment as if to assure himself that it was really there.

"What are you on about?" Raditz murmured.

Gohan hesitated. Raditz did not seem displeased. He didn’t quite know how to express what he wanted to ask, so intuitively he pulled himself up to hug Raditz and then kissed his forehead.

Tiny arms wrapped around Raditz neck. And if that was not enough, Gohan leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead. Raditz chuckled, completely oblivious to Gohan’s inner debate. The gesture seemed a little 'alien' to him, but still affectionate. It meant the child had warmed up to him and was trying to strengthen their relationship. In response he pulled Gohan up and connected their temples.

Happy with the unexpected act of tenderness, Raditz turned on his back and pulled the child along to lay on his chest. This position was much more comfortable for both of them and didn't require Gohan, who continued to keep his arms around Raditz’s neck, to lay at an awkward angle.

After a moment of consideration, Raditz stirred and freed his hair from under his body and then wrapped it around Gohan in case they fell asleep. The tattered remnants of clothes Gohan wore exposed him to the elements. Gohan lacked a fat layer to protect him from the cold, and his own hair was too short to provide any real cover.

How long had it been since anyone had shown Raditz affection in such a spontaneous way? Too long! Raditz would never confess this to Vegeta and Nappa. but at this moment he was sure the Gods of Battlefield must had been powerful enough to survive the drift of Vegeta's Moon after the destruction of the Planet, because they had sent Raditz on a path to seize their blessing. Or at least to win back what had been taken from him.

Gohan understood that Raditz welcomed his gesture. He laid his head down without letting go of Raditz’s neck. He closed his eyes and let sleep overcome him. By the next morning, he only had most vague recollection of what happened and he thought he dreamed it up.

Raditz didn’t bring it up either. It was not the Saiyan way to talk about such things, and it never occurred to him to even try.

***  
"We are going to see Vegeta tomorrow. He an’ Nappa are leaving this mudball already." Raditz proclaimed one 'evening', while they waited for their additional helping of game to cook.

"What?!... But... why haven't you told me earlier? I'm not prepared!" Gohan panicked.

Raditz scowled in discontent. "I don't like your attitude."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry-" Gohan couldn't help but cower defensively "- I didn't mean to be disrespectful... I..." He didn't managed to finish before Raditz smacked him with enough force to make him lose his balance, but not enough to send him to the ground. Gohan hung his head low.

"That's not what I fucking meant! Saiyan up! Show some backbone!" Raditz lifted Gohan's head up by pulling his hair, making him stand straight.

"Now, what concerns you? Do you think I would just let you idle around if I didn't have confidence in your power and skill? Your training should be sufficient as it is. Or do you doubt my judgment?"

"No..." It wasn't quite true. Even though he managed to keep his gaze up, his voice shook as he answered. Raditz gave him an angry glare.

"What is it?" When Gohan did not answer, Raditz sighed. "Speak your mind. I won't beat you up if you speak clearly, whatever it is. On the other hand..." he left the threat hanging in the air.

"It's that I can't really keep up with you. I don't fight that well," Gohan blurted out.

Raditz narrowed his eyes and scowled. "Is that all?" he asked after a moment of silence.

"Yes," Gohan gulped.

"How old are you?" Raditz demanded.

"Over four years old," Gohan whispered.

"How old do you think I am?" Raditz crossed his arms.

"I don't know... older than Dad," Gohan answered hesitantly.

Raditz nodded. "That's many times over as old as you, right? How long have you been training?"

Gohan knitted his eyebrows. "I... um...haven't counted."

"Whatever. How do you think it compares to the amount of time I've been doing this?" Raditz asked impatiently.

"You've been doing way longer than I have," Gohan whispered.

"'S right. I have over a quarter of a Moon ahead of you in training, and that's longer than your Father had been alive. There's no way in hell you'll be anywhere near my level any time soon," Raditz explained. "And even if you'd somehow gained enough power to compare, there's still the fact that you're a cub and I'm an adult. Believe me, you wouldn't be able to keep up with me either. Your power is now within the expected range for your age and you won't hold me back anymore. That's enough for now."

"But Vegeta..."Gohan said with uncertainty

"Vegeta has outrageous demands. But even he isn't THAT unreasonable. He knows this stuff already. As long as your presence is not detrimental to us, he won't order your death," Raditz stated firmly.

Gohan nodded and accepted the answer. Well there wasn't anything else he could do now, really. He just needed to convince himself Raditz was right.

Raditz continued to eye him, discontented.

"You know, I should have you running additional laps for your spineless attitude, but it's more important that you are well rested for tomorrow, so another day."

The fact that Raditz expected to discipline him later was weirdly reassuring. Still Gohan hoped Raditz would actually forget.

Raditz seemed irritated for the rest of the meal. Once he finished eating and went to the nest he turned his back to Gohan. Gohan crawled in after him, but sat down an arm's reach away, unsure what to do. Would Raditz be angry if he attempted to come closer? He nursed his freshly blooming bruise. He could deal with pain, but he didn't know what to do if Raditz pushed him away.

Gohan wasn't given any more time to think about it. Something furry wrapped itself around his ankle and he yelped as he was whooshed into the air. His landing was clumsy, but thankfully he had fallen into the soft bedding of the nest.

"You should get to sleep already." He heard Raditz grumble from beside him. "You have quite a day ahead of yourself, you know."

After he shook off the impact, Gohan noticed he’d landed on the other side of Raditz and much closer to him too.

That was enough for an answer.

***  
The next day went a lot smoother than Gohan expected. Vegeta was basically indifferent after he measured Gohan's battle power. Nappa, on the other hand, was quite enthusiastic to test Gohan's skills again. This time he continued the sparring match until Gohan collapsed from exhaustion and painful bruises. At least Nappa seemed quite pleased afterwards. He awkwardly patted Gohan, who laid face down on the ground, on the back and commended the boy for the improvement on his technique and endurance.

After that, Raditz was ordered to stay on the planet and finish off the remaining survivors. Gohan was to stay with him while Vegeta and Nappa left the planet to visit an outpost belonging to someone called Frieza. Gohan didn’t pay attention; he had trouble getting up from the ground due to his pain and exhaustion. He wanted to stay where he was, but he was afraid someone might kick him if he did.

Raditz collected him after the others went to their pods. He carried Gohan to the nest they had used the previous night and tucked him in the wooly lining. He even let Gohan rest for the remainder of the day and brought him food. The roasted, unsalted meat from one of the big lizards wasn't the tastiest of dishes, but it was tender and filling. When eaten together with the salty and somewhat bitter sea fish, it made for a passable meal. Gohan even got some seeds the size and shape of marbles for a desert. The flavour and texture was similar to fresh hazelnuts. And of course, plenty of fresh and juicy fruits to keep him hydrated.

Satisfied, but still tired, he dozed off shortly after he finished eating.

***  
"Why the long face?" Raditz asked Gohan. They had finished the purge; no more intelligent life remained on the planet, save for the two Saiyans, and they were leaving. Raditz thought they could use a few more days planetside. Gohan started flying, well... floating, yesterday and it would be beneficial to train out in the open instead of the confined training area at the space station. But they had their orders to head to base as soon as they completed their mission. Raditz didn’t want to displease Vegeta with tardiness.

"Don't you think it's sad that all those people are dead? That none of them remained?" Gohan asked cautiously.

The question caught Raditz off guard. It was the sort of unexpected question only a cub could come up with. Surely, no adult could think of that. But young ones were notorious for asking surprising, weird questions. At least, that’s what he had heard from adults when he was still just a brat, and what Nappa used to complain about. Kids ask the kind of things that make you wonder how it's even possible to use language like that, if you even knew what they were talking about in the first place.

At least in this case, the sentence was clear enough for Raditz to follow. Gohan wanted Raditz’s opinion about the fate of the inhabitants of the planet they just finished purging. He wanted to know, of all things, if Raditz felt sad about the Landrinians dying out. Why Gohan deemed this information to be important was beyond Raditz.

The question hinted that Gohan felt sad about demise of Landrinians, for some reason. What about them could appear worthwhile to a Saiyan child? Maybe Gohan liked the funny little houses the Landrinians made? They were pretty, shiny and colorful things any cub would like. Without people to maintain them, the remaining buildings that hadn’t been destroyed during the attack would soon fall apart. Maybe Gohan thought Landrinians themselves were funny because they scattered around and squawked, except nothing in the cub’s behaviour had suggested that was the case. The little child may not have understood the Saiyans were never going to visit this planet again, so it wouldn’t matter for them either way. Or maybe he was worried that no one was left to remember whatever heroic deeds Landrinians had accomplished. There couldn’t have been many, in Raditz’s opinion, because they were weak as shit. Was Gohan even old enough to have such thoughts?

"It didn't occur to me to think about it," he admitted after a moment of silence.

Gohan looked at him with a sad, uncertain expression. "Were you ever sad when you... killed everyone?"

What was with these questions? Truth be told, Raditz had been sad, but he had not said it aloud - other Saiyan would surely have made fun of him for that. He remembered one time when he arrived on planet during some sort of festival and the music was so wondrous and soothing he didn't even want to begin to fight. It was a pity that music had to disappear. Another time, they had to purge a planet famous for its cuisine. The three Saiyans even tried some before they kicked into full gear. It was an orgasm in the mouth. What a shame! Or when they had to murder off a species of exceptionally well smelling aliens. He kind of regretted he had to kill them all.

"What do you mean?" Raditz asked instead.

"Like it's a bad thing that they are all gone,” Gohan mumbled.

How one could even understand that? 'Bad' could mean completely different things depending on the context. A bad teammate could still be a good warrior, and a bad warrior could make an okay teammate, at least in some circumstances. Food could taste bad when it was made by a bad cook. A situation could be bad if you were fighting an enemy far stronger than you.. Or if Frieza had it in for you. But none of those meanings seemed to apply.

"Wouldn't it be better if they could stay alive? At least some of them?" Gohan apparently decided he needed to give more explanation.

"'S not something I would worry about.” Raditz shrugged. “But if you ask me, I think it's less cruel to them that way. It would be far worse to leave just a couple of survivors. It's better for them to die quickly than become someone's captive slaves or a part of some fucking sick collection of rare, exotic beings."

"Wouldn't it be better for Saiyans to just die, then?" Gohan hunched over defensively the moment those words left his mouth. He realized too late that couldn't be a safe question to ask.

Raditz narrowed his eyes and gazed intensely at Gohan, but otherwise his face remained impassive and he made no move to chastise Gohan.

"You are very young, so you don't understand. I’ll explain it to you just this once, but don't ever ask this question again.” Raditz paused to collect his thoughts. “We are warriors. We can impress the universe with our power. Old warriors in the Desert said that all life already belongs to death. As warriors, we deal death and we face death - that makes us excellent. That makes us exceptional. When we die, we die. It's over. It doesn't matter when it happens. It would have been fine if we died, but we didn't. A warrior’s death is a kind of death you want, because death in any other way would mean stepping down from the Warriors' path." Raditz looked to see if he still had the cub’s attention. After all, the subject was very difficult - it wasn't something that could be explained by referring to everyday experience.

It turned out that he needn't have worried, though. "All living creatures desire to continue living, but only for warriors is death an obstacle to continuing fighting. But a warrior can earn a legend that lets them fight once more in tales."

Gohan looked at him, puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"Every time the story is told and every time someone recalls a warrior's deeds, that warrior fights again. In contrast, people who resigned themselves to lives of mere servants and only concerned themselves with chores and leisure can't earn a legend."

"But..." Gohan hesitated to find out how Raditz would react to being questioned. Raditz looked at him with attention but without a hint of a frown. Good. That meant it was safe to continue. "You can tell the stories about a cobbler, a carpenter, or an inventor.”

Raditz snorted. "Even if someone tells their stories, as they must be doing to teach their children ways of their people, those people won't be able to take fighting the way warriors do."

"So those stories are not worth being told?" Gohan inquired.

Raditz shrugged. "It's not for me to say. You can tell those stories to teach and to have fun. Fuck it, several noteworthy Saiyans are known for their craft or knowledge on a top of their warrior powers. The point is: those are not the stories worth to be earned. You wouldn’t want to be stuck doing chores for all eternity, would you?"

Gohan thought he’d prefer chores to all the fighting. He doubted Raditz would appreciate this insight on the matter though. "But wouldn't it be better to be good and go to the good place afterwards?"

Afterwards? Gohan must mean after dying. But it brought another question: There was a 'good' place?! Raditz honestly had never heard about something like that. He was familiar with alien stories about traveling to distant, strange worlds after death, but none of them could be described as 'good'. The opposite was true, though. The word 'hell' came to mind.

"You're not going anywhere afterwards," Raditz asserted. "Come on, you've seen plenty of dead bodies. Do they look like they are going anywhere anytime soon? You can only live through legends." Honestly, what was this child thinking? "And even if such a thing was possible, you could just be a good warrior and go to the good place, right?"

Gohan gave Raditz a piercing stare, but quickly averted his gaze.

"Hn?" Raditz grunted.

"It's nothing" Gohan said, but Raditz had a sinking feeling he had missed something.

Instead of continuing the conversation, they went to Raditz's pod.

For the first time, Gohan was awake during takeoff. From orbit, the planet looked peaceful and pristine, as if nothing horrifying happened there at all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm I have no slightest idea when I'll post the next chapter. If you want you can[this story on my tumblr](http://darkfalcon-z.tumblr.com/post/161887989616/you-cannot-take-it-back-make-it-undone) for additional materials, like doodles, fanart, or headcanons. 


	9. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The previous day had been peaceful. Vegeta and Nappa arrived on site last night, although it was probably morning already. It had been quiet today too, but the air just felt different - strained. The smell of stress lingered everywhere and new scents floated around. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, this is DarkFalcon, long time no see, I hope my dear readers have been well and didn't forget all about this story. This time around Nappa is actually going to be there. 
> 
> Special thanks to [Over8000](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Over8000/pseuds/Over8000) for beta reading.
> 
> more material about the story, such as drawings or headcanons available on [ my tumblr](http://darkfalcon-z.tumblr.com/post/161887989616/you-cannot-take-it-back-make-it-undone) there are even links to fanart I received. 

(Back to presence on Station Theta)

“There you are.” Gohan instinctively lifted his head at the sound of Raditz’s voice. The little boy had crouched in a remote corridor of Station Theta and hugged his knees. He was cold but he didn’t want to go back to the warmer rooms, where he might find himself in the company of older Saiyans. Instead he tried to cover as much of his body as possible with his clothes, for once happy that they were all too big for him. Covering his toes up with his leg warmers didn’t help much, so he left them exposed and instead rubbed them with his tail.

Gohan wasn’t exactly hiding. He was well aware that was impossible. In the limited area of the space station, any Saiyan could track him by smell without the slightest problem. He just wished no one would look for him yet. To his dismay, Raditz knelt beside him. Gohan turned away because he didn’t want to look at Raditz.

“Let me see,” Raditz requested in a neutral tone.

Gohan didn’t want to make this any harder than it needed to be. He just complied even though he didn’t want Raditz anywhere near himself right now. He looked at Raditz through one eye, because he couldn’t open the other. Gohan noticed that Raditz had cleaned up but still looked the worse for wear.

Raditz inspected the swelling around Gohan’s eye. Even though the touch was careful and gentle, Gohan couldn’t help but grimace from the sudden increase of pain. He made sure to remain quiet. Raditz tsked, as if it wasn’t his doing! Gohan wanted to shove him away and scream; that would only earn him another bump or bruise, so he didn’t.

“Show me your teeth,” Raditz commanded.

Gohan obediently opened his mouth. Again, it hurt to do so. His cut lip prickled when Raditz stretched it with his finger to uncover more teeth. When Gohan moved his jaw, he could taste blood and could feel the swelling of his gums. To make it worse, something about the smell on Raditz’s fingers alarmed Gohan. Still, he tried to keep a straight face as much as possible.

“Hnn.” Raditz frowned. “Let’s go to the med bay to get you patched up,” he decided and then stood up. As Gohan followed him through the chilly corridors, he noticed the other still limped visibly. Despite his anger and disappointment he still felt rising concern for Raditz, who was obviously in much worse shape than Gohan. Yet he didn’t voice it – doing so was what had gotten him beaten up in the first place, or so he thought.

At least Raditz did not look any more beaten up now than when Gohan had last seen him, before Raditz had been ordered to Vegeta’s personal quarters. Gohan was itching to ask why. He was worried about that as well, and not knowing what had happened made him wary. However, he wasn’t sure if Raditz would discuss it and right now Gohan didn’t want to risk pissing the older Saiyan off.

The previous day had been peaceful. Vegeta and Nappa arrived on site last night, although it was probably morning already. It had been quiet today too, but the air just felt different - strained. The smell of stress lingered everywhere and new scents floated around. One was Nappa’s; Gohan could recognize it based on several encounters he’d had with huge Saiyan. It gave him the vague sense of an ally. The other, he assumed, was Vegeta’s. It was undoubtedly Saiyan as well, but it filled Gohan’s mind with a sense of danger. Supposedly that was just his instincts warning him about the presence of a powerful stranger nearby - someone who could be a threat - and the feeling would disappear once he became familiar with that person and their scent. But was that really true? Gohan only had Raditz’s word to rely on. He couldn’t imagine ever being comfortable in the presence of that smell.

Gohan felt miserable. He was hurt and scared. Worse, he didn’t know what to expect next. When Raditz was the only one around, things were predictable and stable. Even when Raditz got angry with him, Gohan knew what to expect. Not to mention that Gohan knew what would usually set Raditz off. Now he just didn’t know and it made him feel even more helpless. Would all the days in his future be like last night? Would his life become filled with more violence? How was he supposed to survive like this?

As the night passed, Gohan did not know what the other Saiyans would do. And for the first time in quite a while, he was not sure what Raditz would do to him and if he would stop… What still surprised Gohan was that other Saiyans had spared him, and he didn’t understand why. He really didn’t want to think about it, but his mind just kept wandering back to the subject.

When they arrived at the med bay, Raditz picked up Gohan and sat him on the operation table. For once, he did it like a normal person would lift a child, instead of grabbing him by his hair or the scruff of his neck. That was a good thing, because having his hair pulled would hurt even worse due to the injuries on his face.

Gohan was familiar with the med bay already. Raditz often took him there after training, although Gohan was reasonably sure that had more to do with teaching him about medical equipment and proper care than with treating his injuries. Gohan was no stranger to pain, but it somehow ‘felt’ different when he got hurt during training. Now, he just felt betrayed. He honestly didn’t know why he had put any trust in Raditz at all. He had not meant to, but it had happened all on its own, and now that trust was broken. Again. And there wasn’t anything he could do about it.

Raditz spread ointment on Gohan’s bruised face to reduce the swelling. Gohan noticed the other Saiyan’s hand was bruised and the nails were black. Touching anything with such an injury must have hurt, but Raditz didn’t let on that he was in pain. He simply continued on with his tasks. He calmly ordered Gohan to open his mouth so that he could pull out any broken teeth, and then he gave Gohan a pastille to reduce the swelling. Gohan was already familiar with the medications and wasn’t worried about his missing teeth. He knew from experience that new ones would grow in a day or two.

Gohan found some reassurance in Raditz’s calm demeanor but couldn’t completely get over the earlier anxiety and reproach he had felt. If Raditz saw the resentment in his gaze, he didn’t let on that he’d noticed.

Next, Raditz let Gohan sniff the concoction used for eye injuries – that one was new - and sprayed a bit inside Gohan’s mouth so that he could get a taste of the substance. He gently parted the boy’s damaged eyelids and applied the medicine to Gohan’s eye. Then he handed the little phial to Gohan so he could read the information printed on the label.

Gohan wondered if Raditz would give him any painkillers this time. He had taken some a few days ago, because Raditz had wanted to introduce him to substances that were safe and useful. However he had warned Gohan not to get used to them; it was important to learn how to handle pain without relying on medication.

No such luck this time. Instead, Raditz sat beside Gohan. Close up, Raditz looked worn out. Dark circles surrounded his eyes, swollen up by colorful bruises. “I’m going on a supply run,” he stated.

For a brief moment, Gohan feared he would be left alone with two other Saiyans. He didn’t know how he would handle that.

“I want you to come with me. Vegeta gave his permission. We’ll find you some boots and hopefully some armor. What d’you say?”

‘This isn’t real offer,’ Gohan thought, because he wasn’t allowed to refuse. Raditz just wanted to make conversation. The most important thing was that it meant Raditz would not abandon him on the station.

“Is there going to be fighting?” Gohan asked with forced calm. He dreaded fighting and especially killing almost as much as the notion of being left at the mercy of Vegeta.

“Sadly, I don’t expect any.” Raditz smiled. “Itching for some? If that’ll cheer you up, we’ll kill some game for our provisions.”

“No. I was just wondering.” Gohan tried not to sound relieved. He disliked hunting, but not enough that the thought would make him feel sick.

“Instead, we are going to eat some of the local delicacies. How does that sound?” Raditz offered.

“Good.” At least this time Gohan could give an honest answer.

“Good,” Raditz echoed. He reached out and stroked the hair on the back of Gohan’s neck so he would not touch the wounds on the child’s face.

Gohan knew Raditz enough not to expect an apology. He didn’t think tending to his wounds was an attempt to make amends either. Well, Gohan didn’t want any in the first place! It wasn’t as if Raditz could offer him an honest apology or actually make things better anyway. Raditz was just going through the motions , trying to return to normalcy. At least he was trying not to cause Gohan any more pain. Gohan would take whatever small mercies he could get.

“How are you feeling?”

The question jolted Gohan out of his thoughts. He hesitated. On one hand, he was expected to give an honest account of his state. On the other, he didn’t want to sound like a weakling lest Raditz be irritated by his ‘whining’.

“It still hurts some when I’m moving. But the swelling isn’t so bad any more. It’s getting better,” Gohan said after a moment of consideration.

“Any nausea? Unusual headaches? You must be quite tired,” Raditz inquired further.

“No weird pain. Just regular. But I am tired,” Gohan admitted.

“That’s fine. You can sleep it off on the ship.” Raditz offered him a weak smile.

“We are going now?” Gohan asked, bemused. He hadn’t expected the trip to start so soon, but he quickly decided that was a good thing. It meant he wouldn’t have to be around Vegeta for some time yet.

“Yeah, the sooner we go the better. We should grab something to eat first, though.” Raditz stood up and Gohan jumped off the table after him.

They took wrapped up leftovers from kitchen before they headed to the hangar bay. Raditz had prepared the meals beforehand. He needed to leave food for whoever stayed behind, as his companions considered cooking beneath them. Hell, he was reasonably sure the limit of Vegeta’s culinary skills was heating up the food. Several meals of heavy, meaty stew had been placed in storage for a hungry Saiyan to reheat, along with two dozen huge meatloaves and a huge assortment of cold snacks.

He and Gohan marched to the hangar. The freighter used by the Saiyans for transporting supplies had been stocked for their journey and was ready to go. They were free to depart without any further delay.

Nappa waited in the hangar door with a bottle of hard liquor in his hand. “Hey Raditz, where are you going?”

“Nootz” Raditz stated curtly.

“I’m going with you then.” Nappa took a leisurely swig from his bottle.

Raditz just nodded. He’d probably expected Nappa’s company anyway.

Nappa went in after Raditz as he entered the freighter. The little cub, who had been following Raditz the entire time, sent Nappa curious glances. In response, Nappa grinned down at him. The child said nothing and instead scurried after Raditz to the cockpit. Nappa paid no mind, he simply tagged after the other two.

Raditz sat behind the steering board in the cockpit and motioned to Gohan to join him. Meanwhile, Nappa made himself comfortable on the second chair.

The steering board lit alight and produced a hologram of the nearby sector. Raditz started to explain some detail about interstellar navigation to the cub. From where Nappa sat it was obvious that Gohan, perched on Raditz lap, could barely keep his eyes open but he still tried to pay attention.

“Let the brat rest. Stop pestering him with a boring stuff,” he gruffed.

Raditz nodded without as much as sparing Nappa a glance. In the following silence, the child dozed off. Raditz entered the coordinates into the ship’s navigation module with one hand and supported the sleeping child with the other.

Nappa put his bottle down and stood up.

“Give him to me,” Nappa requested.

Raditz raised an eyebrow at him.

“He’s in the way here. I’ll take him to the cabin. He can sleep there and you can do your work,” Nappa explained. Raditz returned to his task, seemingly without paying Nappa or Gohan any further attention.

Nappa lifted the child from Raditz’s embrace. Gohan was lighter than expected.

“He weighs nothing. Haven’t you been feeding him?” Nappa accused.

“Don’t be ridiculous. He’s just small. That’s all.” Raditz flippantly dismissed the issue.

“Whatever,” Nappa scoffed.

Holding the tiny sleeping body in his arms made Nappa feel... something. Although he didn’t know what it was, he was sure he hadn’t felt that way in quite some time. He felt a warming sensation in his chest that had nothing to do with the alcohol he had consumed. He took the slumbering child back to the cabin and laid him in the nest. Their nest on the freighter was much smaller and more modest than the one on Station Theta, but they still could rest comfortably.

Nappa lingered a little before he went back to find his bottle. The cub in the empty nest looked lonely and abandoned. The warm feeling he’d felt earlier sunk away. Meanwhile, Raditz had finished adjusting their course.

“How long till we get there?” Nappa asked.

“About two days,” Raditz answered. He stood up, stretched out and yawned. “I’m going to hit the hay,” he said and left the cockpit.

Nappa shrugged and picked up his bottle again. When he noticed it was now half empty, he followed after Raditz. “Do we have more booze?”

“No.” Raditz snickered.

Nappa groaned. He wanted to hit Raditz for his careless mismanagement of their stock, but the other had already taken off his armor and crawled into the nest.

Nappa watched as Raditz laid down next to the child and covered them both with a blanket of his hair. ‘Must be nice having hair,’ Nappa thought. The nest looked less empty now with the two Saiyans sleeping together; very homey. It was something Nappa hadn’t seen in a while because Vegeta had a worrisome tendency to isolate himself. Then, there it was again: that warmth in his chest. He decided not to worry, it wasn’t an unpleasant feeling after all.

Nappa took another swig of booze. Once the bottle was empty he wouldn’t have anything to do while the younger Saiyans slept. Space travel was so boring, there was nowhere to go and nothing to kill. The strong liquor he consumed helped to relax him. With tired, slightly dimmed by alcohol eyes Nappa watched Raditz and the child sleep for a while. They were both beaten up – nothing unusual for Saiyans – but at the moment they seemed comfortable and at peace. Eventually he decided to join them.

***

When Gohan woke, Raditz was already up and stretching. Nappa, on the other hand, still snored heavily.

“Breakfast?” Raditz offered when he saw Gohan sit up. Gohan noticed that Raditz already looked much better than the previous day. His bruises were fading, although some color was still visible here and there. The fact that he had been able to rest helped too; he seemed to be in a better mood. Gohan was also in better shape. His body no longer ached, he could see with both eyes, and he could feel a new tooth growing in when he poked it with his tongue. The bitter feeling he held towards Raditz was fading as well. There was no use in holding onto it.

Gohan trotted after Raditz, leaving Nappa asleep in the nest.

The ship kitchen was small and obviously not designed with Saiyan appetites in mind, so their breakfast was mostly cold. Gohan sat in the corner, out of Raditz’s way, and watched as the other prepared the warm food. Raditz was cooking just as much as munching on the uncooked ingredients. They ate stewed meat, a hefty portion for most species but not much by Saiyan standards, because Raditz claimed Nappa would be cranky if they didn’t leave enough for him.

When they finished eating breakfast, they went to the empty cargo bay for their daily training. Once their usual exercises were done, Raditz asked if Gohan wanted to do some arm wrestling. They laid on the floor and faced one another with their hands clasped together, since there wasn’t anything in the bay they could use as a table. Gohan put all of the strength he could muster into trying to move Raditz’s arm sideways, even a slightest bit, without any success. Raditz didn’t even bother trying, he just smirked at Gohan’s endeavors. After a while he slammed the child’s arm against the ground as if Gohan had offered no resistance at all.

“Put your whole body into it,” Raditz laughed and held his hand out for another round. “With such meager strength and weight, you’ve got almost no chance of winning anyway.”

Gohan grabbed Raditz’s forearm with both of his tiny hands and planted his feet. He pushed with his core, determined to succeed. This time, he had additional strength and weight to his advantage, but they didn’t seem to make a difference. At least he hadn’t been slammed against the floor - yet.

Suddenly Raditz stood up, but kept his arm bent in the same position. Gohan, who still clung onto his hand, yipped but didn’t let go. Instead he swung his body up and wrapped his legs around Raditz’s forearm.

In that moment Nappa entered the room and saw the ‘contest’ between the two younger Saiyans.

“Try whatever you want to make me stretch my arm,” Raditz announced the new rules of their match.

It was not an easy task. On the one hand, Gohan could use all of his body while Raditz’s arm had no support. On the other, he had to maintain his balance and his grip and his weight did not seem to affect Raditz in the slightest. Soon Gohan’s face was all red from the effort.

“Tough luck.” Raditz laughed. “I’m way stronger,” he boasted.

Gohan just huffed, which only caused him to laugh more. This time Nappa joined in the laughter.

Nappa experienced that unknown feeling again, but it was different than before. The picture in front of him could have been taken from the past, from before their home had been destroyed. Back then, he hadn’t paid much attention to brats. As a powerful adult, one near the top of Saiyan social ranking, he rarely had to. He was far more interested in possible challenges and glorious battles than in issues of everyday life. But he remembered how the older warriors used to look fondly at younglings growing stronger and learning how to fight.

That had changed when he was appointed guardian of the young Prince and, by extension, his entourage. Of course Vegeta, even as a small child, possessed formidable battle power and an extraordinary talent for fighting. Supervising his training and mentoring him wasn’t like mentoring a child at all. Nappa hadn’t paid much mind to Vegeta’s appointed companions until their planet had been destroyed and the only other Saiyan left, besides himself and Vegeta, was Raditz. Now he understood. It just seemed right, though he couldn’t put into words why he felt that way.

No longer content with the role of a mere observer, Nappa decided it was time to join the fun. He flexed his enormous muscles.

“Hey, Raditz if you’re so smart why won’t you try this yourself,” he called to the younger Saiyan. Nappa stood with his raised arm bent at a less than ninety degree angle, perfectly imitating Raditz down to the smug, challenging look on his face. “Better yet, why don’t you both try at once?” He induced further.

Raditz wasn’t going to back down from a challenge. “Let’s put this on hold for now, brat.” He grabbed Gohan by the scruff of the neck with his free hand and dropped the child to the floor. He was already figuring out how to wipe that smug smirk from Nappa’s face, but he didn’t want to give up the match to Gohan.

Soon both were locked in a futile struggle to win the contest of strength with Nappa, who just laughed at their joined efforts.

Nappa never objected to the presence of Vegeta's entourage when he had imparted his knowledge to the young prince, but initially he hadn’t paid much attention to them either. After the destruction of their home planet, Vegeta had become increasingly more difficult to mentor; he often scorned Nappa's teachings as outdated. Only then did Nappa take a more active role in teaching Raditz. He had hoped the older boy would have more luck in getting through to Vegeta, back when both cubs still got along well. Besides, the low born brat had no one else to teach him. Leaving the only other surviving child to his own devices just didn’t sit well with Nappa. So he took up the responsibility, teaching Raditz both fighting and practical skills.

And now Raditz was fully grown and responsible for a child himself. Gods, Nappa was so old! He had lasted long enough to see a generation grow up and somehow, against all odds, for the next generation to be born.

“Ha ha, you are both weak,” Nappa mocked.

“Why you…” Raditz jabbed Nappa’s arm near the elbow and hit a nerve. This caused the latter to flinch and his muscles relaxed a little. Then Raditz jumped over Nappa's shoulder, kicked him in the head, and pushed his arm away, all without letting go of Nappa’s hand. When he landed on other side, Nappa’s arm was stretched out flat.

“Ha!” Raditz triumphed. Meanwhile, Gohan let go of Nappa’s wrist and dropped to the floor.

Nappa’s expression morphed from pain and surprise to anger.

“Ru-“ Raditz tried to warn Gohan about the imminent counterattack.

“You fucker, if that’s how you want it to be.” Nappa, unfortunately, recovered too quickly and grabbed hold of both Raditz and Gohan before they managed to take two steps. He wrapped his arms around the younger Saiyans in a vise-like grip.

“Tricky bastard! What are you going to do now?” Nappa snarled.

“Technically it wasn’t cheating,” Raditz argued. They hadn’t laid down any rules, after all. It just was not an appropriate way to win.

Gohan tried to wriggle out of Nappa’s iron hold, there was no use protesting against collective punishment. Next to him Raditz, whose arms had been pinned against his sides, tried to kick back at Nappa’s shin. That didn’t have much effect either.

“Not so smart now, are you?” Nappa jeered.

“Pff. You’ve made your point. Let us go,” Raditz scoffed.

In contrast to the prince, Raditz had been an attentive student. Sure, in comparison to Vegeta his fighting capability was always meager, but then again so was practically everybody else’s. That was probably why the young prince was so hard to mentor. There was simply no teacher good enough for him, or so he liked to tell Nappa. Still Nappa had a lot of experience in both warfare and in practical matters of everyday life that he wanted to share with Vegeta, but due to the latter’s uncooperativeness he began to focus more and more on teaching Raditz instead.

“Not a chance!” Nappa grinned. He pushed both Gohan and Raditz down against the ground and crushed them with his weight. Raditz still tried to wrestle away from under Nappa’s massive bulk.

Gohan, squished between massive limbs of the older Saiyans and tangled up in Raditz’s hair, found it hard to breathe. He stopped fighting to free himself and tried to last on what little air he had left.

Gohan’s stillness alerted Raditz, who ceased to struggle. “Nappa, I think we are suffocating the cub.”

“You’re just trying to get off easily,” Nappa teased but he rolled onto his back with Raditz and Gohan still grasped firmly against his chest.

Gohan was suddenly able to breathe freely once again. The three Saiyans laid motionless for a moment.

“I’m okay,” Gohan finally said in a small voice.

At that Nappa boomed with laughter and Raditz soon echoed him. Gohan wasn’t sure what was so funny, but the laughter was contagious and so he joined the others. It felt good.

Nappa felt amazingly alive. Seeing the beginning of a new generation was reassuring. Since the demise of their species Nappa had felt, somewhere deep inside, like a walking corpse just waiting for a foregone conclusion. It had been the end of the line for the Saiyan race, and the three of them had only kept running by sheer inertia. He was not always conscious of it, but it was always there, suffocating and oppressive. Now since Raditz had brought a small Saiyan child back from his solo escapade, that awful feeling had been alleviated.

Nappa loosened his grip but still held onto the other two. Instead of releasing them, he brought them up so they were face to face.. Filled with mirth, he touched his temple first against Raditz’s than against Gohan’s.

Once the three Saiyans managed to pick themselves up from the ground amidst all the chuckling and giggling, Raditz went to prepare more food. Gohan followed him with Nappa close behind, so naturally the tiny kitchen became crowded. In irritation, Raditz bribed Nappa and Gohan to keep out of the way with a bar of pressed and dried fruit each.

Gohan didn’t know where to go now. Besides the kitchen, the inside of the freighter had been divided into the empty cargo bay, the cockpit, a tiny sanitary room and the cabin, all connected by one corridor. There were also some hatches, but Gohan didn’t dare to check out any for fear they lead outside into space. When he looked closer, he noticed the cabin used to contain two smaller rooms. The Saiyans must have taken down the wall between them to create a more spacious, less claustrophobic living area. The remnants of the wall, along with some other dismantled equipment, still laid in the corner of the room. There were no chairs in the cabin, so the nest was the only place one could comfortably rest.

Nappa watched the child explore the ship and wondered how he would grow. Would he be as much of a disappointment as Raditz? Gohan did have a bit of a slow start, but now he seemed to be doing all right. He still appeared meek and timid, though.

In the end, Raditz hadn’t turned out as well as expected and Nappa just couldn’t help to be disappointed. It wasn’t that Raditz was weak - he had an average Power Level as far as Saiyans of common heritage went - but Nappa used to think he might exceed that level. Maybe his judgement had been clouded by pride in his own mentoring skills. Maybe he’d thought that just because HE was teaching the boy he would make Raditz into something more than usual. Unfortunately, Raditz lacked potential and had failed him. Nappa refused to believe that his teaching skills could possibly be inadequate for a young, low born Saiyan! Raditz had learned a lot from Nappa but still lacked in the fighting department. He had other skills, but Nappa considered them to be ‘lesser’ because they were not useful in combat.

Raditz stepped out of the kitchen and went to the cockpit. Gohan immediately went after him to watch.

Raditz leaned over steering board and switched on the simulation. Gohan had already seen it for the first time the previous day, but had been too tired to pay much attention. Now he was fascinated; he was sure his space pod didn’t have it. He couldn’t take his eyes off of the amazing hologram.

“What are you doing?” Gohan asked, intrigued.

“I have some time before the meal is cooked, I might as well check if there are any new fluctuations of the fields on our course.” Raditz raised his gaze from the equipment, expecting a response, just to find out the child wasn’t even looking at him.

This sounded unfamiliar but exciting to Gohan. He wondered if it was explained in the chapters of flight manual that he had not been able to read yet.

“Why do you do that?” Gohan inquired again.

“Mostly because a shortcut might have appeared and the computer just won’t alert me about that, but also to double check on any dangers it might have missed,” Raditz explained.

“Are you better than a computer?” Gohan blurted in disbelief, his attention still fixed on the hologram. He wondered if that was how the Northern Lights looked in miniature. Unfortunately, he had only read about them in books. He had never seen them in person, so he had no way to compare.

“Of course I’m better than a computer. I’d knock it out without a contest - “ Raditz snorted with mild amusement, Gohan just couldn’t be bothered to spare him a glance while the simulation was on, could he? “- but in this case it doesn’t matter if I’m better at analyzing data than the computer is or not. We have completely different abilities, me and the computer. It’s very efficient, but it only runs algorithms and it only ‘sees’ numbers. I can’t run though all the data as efficiently and thoroughly, but I have intuition and I can see the map. I can notice things the computer would miss.”

Raditz returned his attention to the data on the screen. He switched the simulation to a different channel, enlarged the projection to fill nearly the whole room and then spun it around, even though doing so served no purpose in his current task. He was rewarded with an awed “Oh!”

Gohan was mesmerized by the new hologram. It seemed like a haze of colorful smoke with twinkling bubbles floating and pulsing in it. Instinctively he tried to grab one near him, but when he clapped his hands they were empty – they went right through the bubble.

Nappa leaned over the door frame and commented: “It’s like fortune telling from dust clouds before the storm, except with pretty lights.”

“It’s not!” Raditz protested. “You just have to know how to look at it.”

“Says every fortune teller,” Nappa teased.

“Then you can ask THEM to navigate the ship,” Raditz scoffed. He turned off the screen and the simulation and then went back to kitchen. Sure enough, the other two followed him.

The hungry Saiyans hastily devoured their meals, the bulk of which were cold snacks again. The kitchen was too small to prepare larger amounts of hot food.

Satisfied, Nappa returned to the cabin and seated himself comfortably in the nest. Raditz stayed in kitchen a little longer and made preparations for their next meal. Gohan stayed to help out with cleaning and tried not to get in the way as much as possible. They joined Nappa in the cabin only after they completed their tasks.

Without further ado, Raditz crawled into the nest. He leaned on Nappa’s chest and laid his head on the older Saiyan’s shoulder. Nappa wrapped an arm around the younger Saiyan and started to lazily move his fingers through Raditz’s thick, long strands of hair.

Gohan was not sure what to do; he was still little apprehensive of Nappa. He wasn’t afraid any longer, but still felt hesitant to come near the large Saiyan.

Raditz prompted Gohan to come closer with motion of his hand. Encouraged, Gohan crawled into the nest. Before he could take a seat next to the other Saiyans, Raditz pulled him in so that he ended up on Nappa’s lap. Nappa reached out with his free hand and began to comb through Gohan’s unruly locks with his thick fingers.

“Why didn’t you give him a proper Saiyan name,” Nappa asked out of the blue.

Raditz shrugged. “He already responds to the one he was given on Earth, renaming him would only complicate things. Besides, I couldn’t come up with a good one for him.”

Nappa frowned. “How about Zwebl, that’s a good sturdy name.”

“For a common born brat?” Raditz snorted. Nappa’s name choice had been all too predictable.

“Right? So how about Pattis?” Nappa suggested with a smirk.

“Quit joking.” Raditz groaned with exasperation. Now the older Saiyan was just trying to screw with him!

“No, really, but he should carry a Saiyan name. You should just give him the one your brother had,” Nappa pressed.

Gohan tensed up when Nappa mentioned his father. Only a heartbeat of silence followed before Raditz answered, “No.”

Gohan raised his eyes to Raditz. The latter’s tone was flat when he uttered that single syllable, but the way he said it carried a certain weight. Gohan felt uneasy about the idea of changing his name. It was one of the only things he had left from his life on Earth with his parents, but he doubted that he still deserved the beautiful name they had given him anymore. He believed he didn’t fit into the world it belonged to. Nevertheless, he was thankful that Raditz defended his right to keep it, even if he didn’t understand the Saiyan’s motivation.

“Why not? It would be perfect. He could take his father’s place, make up for his father’s wrongs, and bring honor to the name.” Nappa argued.

“He doesn’t need it,” Raditz sighed. “As if life’s not hard enough for the little guy. He doesn’t need the burden of carrying that traitor’s name. He doesn’t need the blame. Let him be his own warrior and earn battle glory for his own name.”

Gohan intently listened to the older Saiyans’ discussion, although it was difficult to comprehend what they were talking about. However, he could tell it had to do with his father, and this made him anxious.

“Are you so angry with your brother that you don’t want him remembered?”

Nappa was correct to an extent. A sullied name usually meant that one would be excluded from the legends. But, had Kakarot accomplished anything that made him worthy of the stories? Not to mention that with so few Saiyans left, many of their stories were bound to disappear. Besides, it wasn’t like he was forbidding anyone to use the name in the future.

“What if I am?” Why do you care?” Raditz bristled. “Anyway I’m not putting it on the brat. He did nothing wrong. It’s not his duty to make amends.” Raditz had never once considered giving his brother’s name to the cub. He didn’t need to be reminded of its previous bearer every time he looked at the boy. He didn’t WANT to be reminded.

“But…” Nappa pestered.

“He’s from my house, it’s my privilege to decide what he’s called.” Raditz became more and more irritated.

Things between Raditz and Nappa had been strained before he left for Earth; after he had returned their relationship improved and became more relaxed. He didn’t want to fight with Nappa, and he certainly didn’t want to risk making things between them sour again. Besides, this was the wrong time. They were in the nest. It was time to relax, not argue.

Gohan was flinching nervously, so Raditz reached out to stroke the child’s hair and calm him down.

“Let's talk about something else,” Raditz suggested in hopes of changing the subject. After a small pause he added: “Have you noticed how much he’s grown in the short time since you last saw him?”

“Yeah, your training paid off,” Nappa agreed.

“Last time I measured him, he was already above average.” Raditz asserted proudly.

“For a lowborn, that is?” Nappa sneered.

Raditz made an exasperated huff. “Not all of us are born elites.”

“He seems frail in body, though.” Nappa squinted, deep in thought.

“But he’s smart and he learns quickly,” Raditz replied hastily. He didn’t want to admit that Nappa was right, so he chose to focus on the child’s fortes instead. He cursed silently. Gohan was rather delicate in comparison to an average Saiyan child his age but fortunately he wasn’t as frail as most aliens were. He didn’t know if it was a result of his Earth heritage or just the environment. He hoped for the latter.

“Hmm?” Nappa raised an eyebrow.

“It’s good. It’ll help him survive, right? Hopefully it’ll help him win battles,” Raditz explained.

“’Smart’ doesn’t always mean battle smart.” Nappa was skeptical. “Thinking too much can be detrimental in a fight. Power is better.”

“But that can be good too,” Raditz insisted. “Anyway, he’s coming along nicely. He’s comparable to the average Saiyan child born before our planet was destroyed.”

“Right, we should go get some more,” Nappa said.

Raditz laughed in response. “I figured you’d say that.” He paused. “What does Vegeta say about that??”

“We’re biding time. Now there are more pressing matters than ensuring the rise of a new generation.” Nappa obviously wasn’t too thrilled by the prospect of waiting.

“I hate to say it, but he’s right. It’s not like we can hide planetary conquest from Frieza and we can’t randomly drop off the radar. The trips here would be too long not to raise suspicions.” Unfortunately there was no feasible way of creating a new generation under the collective noses of the Planet Trade Organization. No matter how much liberty the Saiyans had gained, they were not truly independent.

“Vegeta will have to kill Frieza before we can move on.” Nappa sighed.

To Gohan’s relief, the adults changed the topic of conversation but it was difficult for him to follow. Wasn’t this Frieza an ally of Saiyans? If so, why would they want him dead?

“Speaking of Frieza, what have you reported in?” Raditz prompted.

“Don’t worry, they know nothing about the brat,” Nappa assured.

“Yet,” Raditz added. “Eventually, we’ll need to take him with us. We need a credible story…What is it?” Gohan pulled at his tank top, apparently trying to get his attention.

“Um…Can I speak?” Gohan asked meekly.

“Huh, sure.”

“I don’t understand…?” Gohan started but too many half formed questions ran through his head.

“Oh, right. You probably think Frieza is our ally, with him giving us jobs and all. But he really isn’t.” Raditz began explaining before Gohan decided what he wanted to ask.

“What is he, then?” Gohan inquired curiously.

“In truth he used to be our ally... that is an ally of Saiyan Kingdom, but he betrayed us. You know that our planet was destroyed and that we are the last remaining Saiyans, right?”

Gohan nodded.

“We were told that some big celestial body hit our homeworld and that, coincidentally, all the Saiyans were there when happened like there was no one to blame but fate. But we know it’s bullshit. There was foul play and Frieza is behind it.”

“Is this possible for Frieza to destroy a planet?” Gohan asked, shocked.

“He can, and so can some of the soldiers under his command,” Nappa answered.

“We don’t know what exactly he did. We just know that he was involved somehow. There might been some planetoid that unexpectedly changed course and wasn’t noticed until it was too late. It’s very unlikely, but it could have happened. Possibly some of our technologically advanced enemies could have destabilized a planetoid from its orbit. But for some reason, all Saiyan forces had been summoned to the planet just before it happened, and by Frieza's request nonetheless,” Raditz recounted.

“So Frieza destroyed your planet?” Gohan looked at the Saiyans with eyes as big as saucers.

“OUR planet, and yes, either he did it or arranged it somehow. But there is more to the story. There were other groups - like ours - that hadn’t made it home before it blew up, yet none of them survived. That’s what made us suspicious in the first place.”

“Frieza killed them?” Gohan whispered. He felt uncertain about the death of those warriors. He suspected that they were as bad as Raditz and Nappa and maybe even Vegeta, but on the other hand he felt some sort of connection to them. And then, there was the fact that they had died as a result of betrayal.

“Well… not Frieza personally. But yeah, he had them killed or maybe he sold them out to someone seeking revenge on the Saiyan race, because it was more convenient to accommodate our enemies than to help our people - his allies.” Raditz disclosed.

“There are people strong enough to kill Saiyans?” Gohan could hardly imagine it, but then again he had just found out that there were people able to destroy entire planets.

“We aren’t immortal, brat. There are few people with enough power to kill Saiyans, especially Elites, but we can be harmed or killed like any other animal. Especially if foul play is involved.” Nappa said bitterly.

“To be honest, we don’t really know why the three of us were spared. Maybe having Vegeta in his service is profitable or maybe it’s the matter of prestige,” Raditz speculated.

“So why do you still work for him?” Gohan asked, bewildered.

“A few reasons. From what we know, we are dead meat if we reject Frieza openly and it’s not like there is anywhere else where we could go,” Raditz explained. His words were filled with bitter resentment and his scowl mirrored it.

“And we want revenge!” Nappa proclaimed in a voice far louder and more powerful that was necessary in the close proximity of the nest.

“Only we have to figure out how to get it,” Raditz added flatly.

“Vegeta will have Frieza’s head one day,” Nappa stated firmly. He even sat up straighter and squared his shoulders.

“Yeah, he just needs to grow strong enough to rival Frieza,“ Raditz said halfheartedly.

“Once this glorious day comes we will be free to live and fight unrestrained, however we please, as the proudest of warriors.” Nappa asserted with power and pride ringing in his voice.

“What Nappa says… but before that day comes we need to keep pretending to be loyal to Frieza. Eh… that reminds me, tell no one you come from Earth,” Raditz admonished.

“Why?” Gohan blinked, surprised.

“If Frieza or any of our enemies learns about it, they will most certainly seize or destroy Earth and its population. You can’t let anyone know about your past… or your connections.”

“What do you mean?” Gohan’s brow furrowed. Did it mean the Saiyans didn’t want Earth to be destroyed anymore?

“You can’t reveal to anyone the identity of your Saiyan parent or that the two of us are blood kin,” Raditz explained patiently.

It was jarring to be reminded that he and Raditz were related in the middle of a discussion, as Gohan usually didn’t think about it, but the idea of flatly denying their relationship was even more disturbing.

“What am I supposed to tell them if they ask me?” Gohan asked.

“Hmm…” Raditz took a moment to ponder the question. “For now, let me handle the talking. We’ll come up with a convenient lie later and you’ll have to learn it. We’ll all need to learn it.”

“So… so I can’t even be who I am. I have to pretend to be someone else.” Gohan’s voice trembled with bitter sorrow. He didn’t like it one bit. It felt like another part of his identity had been stripped away from him.

“What’s the problem? There’s nothing about where you come from worth acknowledging,” Nappa shrugged.

In an instant, Raditz knew the child was about to explode. Nappa’s statement had been true from a Saiyan point of view, sort of, but it still ruffled Raditz the wrong way. He could only imagine how Gohan felt. He gave Nappa a dirty glare, wrapped his tail around Gohan’s forearm and pulled the child closer in hopes of preventing the upcoming tantrum. If they weren’t in the nest, Raditz might have amused himself by watching Gohan try to fight or mouth off to Nappa. In all fairness, he probably should let Gohan try to rectify the insult, even if it would just end with Gohan getting a severe beating from Nappa. But since they were in the nest, Raditz wrapped an arm around Gohan’s shoulder. If the boy tried to voice his anger or attack Nappa, he could just smother the child against his chest before Gohan could move or gather enough air in his lungs to scream.

“The house of his birth were warriors, there’s no shame in that. Just drop it. It’s not the time or place for this.” The last sentence was addressed as much to Nappa as it was to Gohan. Luckily his touch and his words seemed to calm Gohan down.

Nappa seemed confused; he probably just caught on to the effect his words had on Gohan. Raditz decided that he didn’t particularly care if Nappa figured it out or not. It’s wasn’t like he had expected the older Saiyan to add anything of value to this particular discussion.

“Aren’t you tired? I’m tired.” It wasn’t even a lie, the argument really had made Raditz weary. “Let’s take a nap.”

He nuzzled his face against Nappa's shoulder and leaned with all his weight on the bigger Saiyan until Nappa gave in and laid down. Satisfied, Raditz stretched out next to him, placing his head on Nappa’s massive arm, and leaving enough space between them for Gohan to sleep. Raditz reached out with his tail and gathered up the child, who had moved further away from the two adults. There! He tucked Gohan in the free spot.

Still upset, Gohan curled up between two Saiyans with his face pressed against Raditz’s chest. Between the two adults Raditz smelled better – more familiar, safer. Neither Saiyan’s scent bothered Gohan, even in such close quarters. This was odd, since he was reasonably sure neither of them had ever been introduced to the idea of bathing.

Gohan tried to calm himself as he lay in Raditz’s embrace, like he was used to doing. He was still upset over the earlier exchange. He was angry at Nappa for disregarding his family, but it was a shallow feeling. Beneath the anger laid a more subtle but deeper worry, a vague suspicion that Raditz wanted him to forget who he was. This troubled Gohan because he secretly thought it WOULD be easier not to remember. There were still pieces of his past, rooted deep in his heart, that continually caused him pain. Perhaps new wounds could be avoided if he just let the past slip away. That thought scared him even more.

Nappa turned his head so he could watch his nestmates. He couldn’t see Gohan’s face, but he could see Raditz’s. The latter looked at Gohan with a peculiar expression on his face that Nappa wasn’t able to identify, before it morphed into a soft smile as Radutz closed his eyes. If Nappa had been more self-aware person, he might have wondered what his own expression looked like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: Zwebl (from German ‘Zwiebel’ meaning onion) loosely translates to “noble” in the sense of descendant from nobility, high born. Popular name among elites. Also one of least imaginative, conservative or simply boring. Several of Nappa’s children carried that name at his suggestion. 
> 
> Pattis (from pattypan squash) loosely translate to “squishy”. Name of a comedic character from Saiyan tales. Also it is rather “weak” name.
> 
> about next chapter: you'll probably have to wait. I have about 2 pages now, and I'm going to be very busy, so I doubt I'm goin to finish any time soon. 

**Author's Note:**

> about update schedule: several chapters are almost ready, they just require some proof reading, so updates will come relatively soon. As for further chapters - I am a slow writer and I have other creative work to do, so completing chapters will take me some time. But I am determined to continue this as there are people who express their interest in the story. Unfortunately the updates won't be regular.
> 
> Also... I guess I'll add warnings and tags for later chapters.


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